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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my new colleagues hate me?

108 replies

immersivereader · 17/11/2021 19:32

Recently started a new job, WFH 100% of the time.

I suggested that we all meet for lunch (team of 7) which my boss seemed on board with. He's organised the lunch for December 21st. Which to me seems a bit late really but anyway.

DH said that everyone will dislike me as all the team members love the whole WFH thing and won't want to trudge downtown.

Also, boss sent the email invite and wrote some words in Italian (Italian resto) and I replied to all, in Italian, saying looking forward to it, etc.

Am I an enthusiastic oddball?

OP posts:
JadeTrinket · 17/11/2021 23:21

Is this your work Christmas do, or in addition to it?

Original poster
immersivereader · 18/11/2021 01:51

Italian resto as in restaurant? He wasn't speaking Italian in that case??

^

Actually cried laughing reading this Grin

He said a sentence in Italian in the email invite : 'looking forward to meeting you all' but written in Italian. So to join in with the festivities, I, like an idiot, replied (in Italian!) 'looking forward to it! Should be fun!'

No-one has said anything further

Confused Grin
OP posts:
Original poster
immersivereader · 18/11/2021 01:53

Fwiw I did use Google translate for my Italian, a polyglot I ain't

OP posts:
TowerOfGiraffes · 18/11/2021 01:57

As long as it's not implied that people are expected to come, it's fine.

If it's effectively enforced socialising - i.e. people feel they have to make an excuse if they don't want to come - then it's not good.

Not all people are extroverts. Not all people want to spend free time with colleagues especially those they hardly know. Many may already have family plans and kids off from school that close to Christmas. If any sort of expectation of attending is implied then it will likely annoy quite a few people.

BobbieT1999 · 18/11/2021 02:00

@immersivereader

Fwiw I did use Google translate for my Italian, a polyglot I ain't
🤣

Was just about to post "I'd assume you'd used Translate tbh"

Great ice breaker though, op, you'll never live this down!

TowerOfGiraffes · 18/11/2021 02:04

I personally find all of the comments about the reply in Italian rather odd. It's perfectly normal for people to speak more than one language and there seems to be a weird British thing about it being "try hard" to do so. Confused

I think the potential issue here has nothing to do with that and is about you instigating "work social events" when you have no idea whether any of your colleagues want that (if they did presumably they'd have organised it already?). Then it being compounded by your boss booking it in Christmas week. I hope he made it very clear that it's completely optional.

Thedogscollar · 18/11/2021 02:12

@immersivereader

Maybe I can just work with you folks instead?!

GrinWine

Yes please. I'd love to learn Italian.
shouldistop · 18/11/2021 05:55

I personally find all of the comments about the reply in Italian rather odd. It's perfectly normal for people to speak more than one language and there seems to be a weird British thing about it being "try hard" to do so.

Of course it's normal to speak other languages. It's not normal to 'reply all' in a language you have no idea if the recipients speak.

shouldistop · 18/11/2021 06:01

@immersivereader

Fwiw I did use Google translate for my Italian, a polyglot I ain't
Google translate isn't very accurate and often phrases things incorrectly. Maybe they actually do speak Italian and your reply read really strangely and they don't know what to say Grin

I wouldn't worry about the lunch thing, it's a Tuesday as I assume they'd otherwise be working so it might be a nice break

yesiknowimbonkers · 18/11/2021 06:07

Honestly, talk about overthinking.

OP you sound lovely. There's nothing wrong with being sociable and wanting to meet your new colleagues. There's also nothing wrong with sending that (brief and lighthearted!) response in Italian. You sound fun and if no one responded that's on them not you - it probably wasn't even intentional, they were probably just doing other stuff and it wasn't high up on their radar. I doubt anyone has given your reply a second thought.

Your boss is a bit of a twat for arranging lunch in Christmas week (when like pp have said people will have kids off school etc) but that's - again - not your fault. And he arranged it, not you, so I can't see that your new colleagues will hold that against you. Ultimately anyone who doesn't want to go won't go.

Biggest problem here is your DH - WTF?! You've started a new job, he should be being supportive of you not stressing you out and making you second guess yourself like this. How does he know what your colleagues are thinking? Tell him to wind his neck in and from now on take any 'advice' he gives you with a pinch of salt.

Marvellousmadness · 18/11/2021 06:09

Replying in italian is a bit much
But the whole gettinf together and having a meal is a great idea

Cam2020 · 18/11/2021 06:28

There are some grumpy people, that's for sure! Nothing wrong with suggesting the lunch. I always have sympathy for new starters in a WFH environment - it must be difficult to form bonds over a laptop screen! You certainly shouldn't wait to be summoned by long standing colleagues as a PP so nicely implied.

I initially thought the Italian was a bit much, but now you've expanded on the exchange, I don't at all.

Enthusiasm is a good thing - don't let miserable people drag you down!

DarlingFell · 18/11/2021 06:41

OP, please disregard all the posters saying you are an arse for replying with a COUPLE OF LINES in Italian, which was, in any case, a reply to your the person who started off the Italian! Jeez if you had written paragraphs I might think it was a bit ott but a couple of phrases!! Just forget about it, your colleagues won't have given it another thought.

I think you seem social and fun, which are usually characteristics that people like, so stop with the negativity. Ignore your DH too, he sounds like a laugh. Not.

And to the two posters who thought that your boss had said 'Italian resto' and were quick to inform you 'that's not Italian, anyway', thanks for the laugh Grin

GnomeDePlume · 18/11/2021 06:44

Lunch sounds great. It's on the 21st, not demanding that you all spend Christmas night together! Even I could drag my miserable, introverted backside to a restaurant for a team meal.

Replying in Italian sounds lighthearted and also a little bit of an icebreaker - people will ask if you speak Italian. You can reply about using Google Translate. People will chip in about using languages etc etc etc. If I remember correctly this is called 'conversation'.

Nobody will hate you.

Wilkolampshade · 18/11/2021 06:53

Your brief, two line reply is fine and cheerful, don't worry about it.

Enb76 · 18/11/2021 07:01

I also think the Italian stuff is fine - if I were one of your colleagues it wouldn’t register as something odd at all, especially if someone else started it. Ignore the naysayers, including your DH and have a fab time properly meeting your new colleagues.

HelloDulling · 18/11/2021 07:01

People who enjoy WFH also enjoy leaving the house. Your DH seems very negative.

MeltedButter · 18/11/2021 07:03

DP sounds negative. Enjoy your lunch!

rattlemehearties · 18/11/2021 07:08

Hopefully you see now it's a DH issue and your own lack of confidence, nothing to do with your boss or colleagues? Lunch was a great suggestion. Enjoy it

MadameMinimes · 18/11/2021 07:20

English people are so weird about foreign languages. You replied with a couple of sentences of google translated modern Italian, not with an essay written in Classical Greek. It’s fine. I also think suggesting a lunch out is a nice thing to do. I wouldn’t worry about it.

Strugglingtodomybest · 18/11/2021 07:23

I agree with pp's that you are overthinking this because of your DH's negativity.

I WFH, and have done for over 20 years, I love being alone with my dogs all day. But... I jump at the chance of going out for lunch or anything remotely sociable as well.

As for the Italian, I doubt it would have registered tbh. Your boss said something in Italian, you replied in Italian. So what. Big deal. Anyone who thinks you're an arse for that has their own issues imo.

Geamhradh · 18/11/2021 07:24

@MadameMinimes

English people are so weird about foreign languages. You replied with a couple of sentences of google translated modern Italian, not with an essay written in Classical Greek. It’s fine. I also think suggesting a lunch out is a nice thing to do. I wouldn’t worry about it.
It's the fact that she replied thinking the boss had spoken Italian when he'd just written the short form of restaurant. Nothing to do with languages. She's just made herself look a bit "oh fuck, what did I just do" facepalm.
MrsLargeEmbodied · 18/11/2021 07:27

you've done it now

own it

Sidehustle99 · 18/11/2021 07:27

It think you are overthinking it. They would likely be going out for a Christmas meet up anyway.

What's interesting is that you DH has planted the negative seed for you. Does he do this often?

Mummadeze · 18/11/2021 07:29

You sound fun. I might well have answered in the same way. Hope you have a great lunch out.