To think my new colleagues hate me?

[immersivereader]

Recently started a new job, WFH 100% of the time.

I suggested that we all meet for lunch (team of 7) which my boss seemed on board with. He's organised the lunch for December 21st. Which to me seems a bit late really but anyway.

DH said that everyone will dislike me as all the team members love the whole WFH thing and won't want to trudge downtown.

Also, boss sent the email invite and wrote some words in Italian (Italian resto) and I replied to all, in Italian, saying looking forward to it, etc.

Am I an enthusiastic oddball?

Lunch sounds like a nice idea, especially if your employer is paying.

Replying in Italian is a little bit odd. Do the others speak Italian? Will they know that you replied that you're going?

I don't think your DH is pissing all over your chips. I love WFH! I can't believe we weren't doing so sooner but of course presenteeism and all that. But for a lunch I wouldn't mind as long as it wasn't a regular expectation. WFH has honestly been one of the best things to happen to a lot of people including me when the bulk of my role was WFH.

I don't think to have done anything to make your colleagues dislike you. It's hard joining a new team when WFH. Is the meal voluntary?

My colleagues are from all over the world and often wish happy birthday or merry Christmas in their mother tongue or throw in other random sentences. I'm sure no one minds.

Is it voluntary? If so I don't see a problem. Though I do wonder if any of them will already be on holiday for Christmas by then so won't want to come spend time with colleagues. A lot of people at my work save theirs for Christmas time, including me.

Honestly, some people would be rolling their eyes. Some people won't want to go, some people won't. Some people will roll their eyes and think you are trying to hard to impress.

But many won't. Many won't have even really registered it. Your dh has no more idea of which camp any of these people are in, than anyone else.

Either way, it's done now. Worrying won't change it.

How about you messaging the team separately saying - anyone close by fancy meeting up for coffee?.....before that date, then you have a potential friend before the main event?

Bit odd to reply to the email in Italian.

I would just think you must be very sociable to suggest this and therefore completely unlike me.

Replying in Italian is odd though.

It sounds like you're being very reasonable

Your DH doesn't want his misses to have new friends, does he!! I love that you replied in Italian. You sound fun and confident. As to qwhether they'll like you or not, who knows who cares!! None of us can be everyone's cup of tea. Just enjoy yourself.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

Meh, who cares?

You’re happy and appear confident. And you speak Italian.

I’d enjoy being you for a day.

Yep. Have fun!

Tell your husband not to be such a misery. People probably would prefer it was the week before. Doesn't mean they won't have a nice lunch.

The Italian reply could potentially be a bit strange. I've never spoken a word of Italian before so that's probably why I would find it weird. I wouldn't make any judgement on you though for it.

More strange - it's not as big a deal as your husband is making out. It's more odd that your husband is putting you down so much in your new job.

I think you sound fun and sociable. Ignore your DH!

You’ve done nothing wrong. Does your husband make a habit or putting you down or making you second guess yourself? That seems like the real potential issue here.

Your DH doesn't sound very supportive or encouraging !
FWIW I always send Happy Birthdays in other languages if appropriate.
Enjoy - I am sure it will do all of your colleagues good to get out of the house

@Katerinakaterinaki ohhhhhh! Yeah that makes more sense 🤣 thanks!

The meal idea is nice. On the Italian, depends on how much - a few words, fine. A paragraph - likely to come across as showing off. But really not a big deal at all. I doubt your colleagues dislike you.

I agree that the bigger problem is your oh. You wouldn’t be worrying about this if he hadn’t said something and I fail to see what good he could think he was doing. He’s just made you doubt yourself and taken the shine off the event - not very nice.

Always weary of psychic friends/partners/parents who know exactly how people are feeling and that their feelings towards you are predominantly negative. I think it says more about them than you tbh.

The Italian reply would make me think you're a bit of an arse. Sorry

I'm probably a bit odd, speak 4 languages and would be looking for an excuse to avoid the team lunch as soon as I saw the email. However none of it would make me dislike you, apart from the show-off reply in Italian, wouldn't hate you for it but would think you were a bit of an arse, sorry.

Is it in work time, and will people have to travel far?

I must admit I don't like work socials. I'm happy to have a bit of chat on Skype, talk about what people are up to on weekends.

But driving an hour each way the week before Christmas to have lunch with colleagues wouldn't make me overjoyed. However none of my team are keen on meet ups either so we're all on the same page

TBH, I'd think it was a bit presumptuous of a new team member to suggest meeting for lunch (rather than waiting to be invited), and I wouldn't be thrilled at meeting on 21 December (your boss's fault, not yours) and I would raise an eyebrow,at reoltungvti the email in italian (odd)

But I wouldn't really care. If I wanted to see my colleagues and was curious to meet you, I'd go. If not, I wouldn't

I'd still be plucking up the courage to reply all, and overthinking what I'd written and how it might be interpreted. if your DH really said 'everyone will dislike you', it sounds like he really wanted to be spiteful and knock your confidence.

Meeting up ok I get that

Replying to an email in Italian makes you look like a show off twat, not an oddball

I'd think less that you're an "enthusiastic oddball" and more that you're a thoughtless show-off and it's all about what you want without much care for anyone else.