His choice of engagement ring...

[surfergrl]

DP showed me the ring he’s gonna get, and it’s nice, but it’s not my idea of an engagement ring – it’s silver and topaz. Now this is NOT about the money – I do not expect the ‘month’s salary’ cos that’s diamond company propaganda. But I do love jewellery (I make and sell it) and engagement rings tend to be be a bit more special, and last a long time (topaz is brittle; silver dents easily).

I don’t even mind if we don’t get married for years, but the ring is important to me.

I don’t know if he knows what engagement rings more usually are, and I don’t think he’s trying to be cheap, and it’s a sweet ring. I love that he’s picked it himself too.

Do I tell myself to get a grip, princess, or do I gently say, that’s lovely but I wonder if we could choose something together?

If he's showing you, surely that's inviting you to comment?

Also, you make jewellery, you're not saying it to be an arse, there are flaws in his design.
It'll bother you every day if you don't speak now.

You're right topaz isn't brittle, I've worked in a jewellers for 25 years it's 8 on mohs scale dia is 10 so not much difference.

The mohs scale isn’t linear, a diamond is much harder (about 4 times) than a sapphire which is ranked 9, the difference between a sapphire and a topaz is smaller (sapphire is about double the hardness). And the mohs scale only looks at hardness (ease with which it can be scratched), not general durability which would include how brittle a gemstone is.

Well there are always no it all on mumsnet, I suppose my years of experience and professional qualifications don't count for anything.

@surfergrl ** You wrote "A day out sounds wonderful but he'd be soooo bored I don't think I could fo that to him."

Really !!
You're choosing an engagement ring together.
That's a pretty special day in anyone's life and you think he wouldn't give up a few hours to make it extra special for you ?
You could do a little rece before to a few jeweller shops to see what you like, to narrow down your options / the amount of shops you visit.
You don't have to give the full day with him - surely he'd share the morning or afternoon with you to make it special.

Just be honest. An engagement ring should really be your choice as you have to wear it every single day so why have something that you don’t like!

was married before and I chose both my rings myself - I still love those rings and it's a shame I can't wear them anymore. I never wore them regularly but loved wearing them for special occasions
Why can't you wear them? If it's because they were engagement/wedding rings, why not wear them on the other hand?

Wow, you not only worried about having a fairly routine conversation with him but you can't ask him to spend a day doing something you'd love? I do wonder if you're ready to marry this man.

I think this all sounds really depressing OP, I'm sorry!
Why can't you talk to him about the ring and your preferences?
And i find it sad that you think he'd be too bored to make a nice occasion out of going to look at/ choose a ring ! It's your engagement for god's sake.
What else will he be too bored to deal with - planning a wedding? going to hospital appointments of you have a child? Dealing with his own child??

I have to say there is NO WAY I would be contemplating spending the rest of my life with a man who might be too bored to actually engage with our engagement! RUN

@UniBallEye I fully agree with you. I couldn't spend the rest of my life with someone who wasn't willing to spend a few hours with me choosing an engagement ring and to go for a bite to eat and celebratory glass of something afterwards.

@surfergrl
How did things work out ?

Well it's payday tomorrow haha! I have been sharing some ideas and he's positive. It's a long way to anywhere for in person shopping, so we'd have to stay over, but I'm still hopeful we can do it.

Incidentally, we're not planning on having kids but I take the point!!

oh, that’s nice OP. Glad you could work it out. Vintage rings are awesome. My wedding ring is vintage…it was DH’s great aunties. We arranged to have the setting put in a new band, and it is a lovely solitaire diamond. I was really pleased to have a bit of history, and I think about her when I wear it.

@surfergrl
Did you get your engagement ring ?