To want to kill Nicole Kidman in the nauseating Chanel tv ad?

[FranticPants]

Why on earth are they running this again - when it came out last Christmas I thought it was a spoof, it's that ridiculous!! "I love to dance!" VOMIT!!!!!!!!!!! Someone tell me please it is meant to be ironic?

It's meant to make us spend money.

It's made me spend money on sickbags.

V irritating.

i love it - i think its v. clever getting in all that story line in the space of an ad.

tbh I don't really mind it. Compared with most of the gopping ads about it's quite easy on the eye. I mean he's bloody gorgeous, and her dresses are divine. Ignore the I love to dance bit.

I was actually hoping for a part II this year, you know with them bumping into each other in a frosty park or something....maybe skating, she should have a muff....that sort of thing.

I'm with you FranticPants. It makes me even more upset than the Marks and Spencers food porn ads.

And she was so brilliant in The Golden Compass.

pass the sick bag.
I'm chucking out all my bottles of No. 5
It's Old Spice from now on...

Its not as bad as Uma Thurman in Virgin.

"i'll text you"

FUCK OFF !

Slubbers - the idea of her muff!!
I can just imagine the scenario:

PMSL@ worzsel

I find looking at Nicole Kidman sad. She was such a beautiful girl, but she has ruined her face with botox. She looks like a waxwork model. Silly woman.

is she not worse in the brain training ad.
want to stab her with a fork

But look at her hands...are they not all gnarled and witchy?

All the botox in the world will not change her chicken feet fingers.

Hah

oooh I'm thinking up a part II

(voice over + a nice spot of Bach cello playing in the back ground)

Nicole is seen mournfully skating alone, in central park, its 3am, she only has a large minder for company, he is smoking

"She was still the most famous woman in the world"

"The memories of that night had never left her"

Nicole slips (daintilly), her muff skids across the ice, a squirrel nicks in....she gives chase, and who should come out from behind a tree with squirrel in his arms...

it's him

she gasps

he smiles

"I love to skate"

not sure what happens next.

Slubbers, you are frighteningly good at this Sort of Thing

maybe the squirrel has the chanel no 5 necklace thingmy in its teeth (you know a story arc motif)?

would a squirrel do that?

mabye sexy dark eyes man has been training it up. Would that make him less sexy though, hmmmmm small mammal trainer. No it's not doing it for me any more. The squirrel is wild, and does not have the necklace. it is friendly though. it is soothed in sexy guys warm capable hands.

Slubbers you are a genius

YANBU. Kill, kill, kill!!!

STORY ARC MOTIF!!!

Oh fark

STORY ARC MOTIF

[bashfull modesty emoticon]

I haven't finished it off yet.

We need a new scene, something indoors so she can take off her elegant cashmere coat to reveal a fabulous top underneath.

hmmm maybe they need to be in a cafe......

I think we have done with the squirrel. The useless smoking minder can go aswell, they have run away from him (but how can she run away with her skates on)

Oh god it's all unravelling now.

i agree re uma. i have to turn those ads off.

Why doesn't she unlace her skates (a bit of old-fashioned freudian subtext - ooh get me)
and get in a tangle and he grabs her hand (chicken feet fingers) and erm

yes!, I like the fumbly (freudian) unlacing, he puts a warm capable hand over her chicken feet to put an end to the cackhandedness. Then there is a money shot look into each others eyes.

We can get rid of squirrel and the smoking minder as sexy eyes 'accidentally' droppes the squirrel (still with muff) due to lusty suprise as seeing Nicole and the minder has given chase.

Oh yes this is all good.

Sorry Slubbers have been gossiping on the phone

What next ?

OK, I have finished it on the way to pick up the dd's

sexy eyes speaks (in Russian accent)
"there is something I must show you"

Next scene at the Guggenheim Museum. There is an exhibition about The Russian Tsars. Nicole has intrigued face on. Sexy Eyes is full of grim determination.

They walk hand in hand, looking at the oil paintings of the Russian Royals and then they stop.

There is a picture of Tsar Nicholas II, in his younger days and (Bach goes into minor key) He is the very spit of Sexy Eyes

Nicole: but?
Sexy eyes: yes, I am the king of Russia. I also have to hide myself away from the world

Another money shot deep look. they kiss

Nicole: but can we
SE: No never.......

Final scene

They leave the museum, Nicole steps into a hot air balloon. the squirrel is there aswell (with muff). As the ballon rises their clasping hands slip apart.......

Camera pans up to shot of balloon with Chanel No5 logo on.

I have tingles.

Slubbers I heart you