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Original poster

At what age does parenting become easier?

231 replies

Lois345 · 14/11/2021 13:11

At what age does parenting become easier? If your answer is never please say it quietly to yourself or just lie in your comment

OP posts:
tootiredtospeak · 14/11/2021 21:48

All the time my most difficult child ASD is now 20 has just learnt to drive and is currently the most independent and easiest he has ever been. Middle child has always been fairly easy is 9 and now entertains himself a lot more. Youngest 5 needs a lot still buy even she is much less needy since starting school.

SandandSplashes · 14/11/2021 21:53

I found the baby, toddler and primary school years a real pleasure, I genuinely couldn't understand why anyone found it difficult.
Once they hit teenage years it became much harder, especially for my ASD child. Their problems become bigger and your worries become bigger, you can't make everything right for them any more.

TreeLawney · 14/11/2021 21:58

It just changes.

It’s less intense in a physical way once they get to 5 or 6 and can do a bit more for themselves. Eg we get a lie in on a Sunday now because they can go downstairs, make their own breakfast, enjoy a couple of hours of screens without needing us.

But emotionally the problems only get bigger / more involved. My 7 yo is having a bit of a tricky time at school atm and I’m thinking back fondly to the days when his main worry was if his plate was blue or yellow.

LindaLooky · 14/11/2021 22:03

3 wasnt too bad for me, but then 4 was sometimes pretty awful. Point blank refusal to leave the house, me trying to grab 10 minutes of fresh air before I lost my mind with a small child holding to my leg and being dragged along like a dead weight. I remember sitting in my car and just sobbing.

But every year was good since then, ie 5 6 and 7, and I think gets progressively better. Now we have lovely chats, he is old enough to know that his actions have effects on people and he wants to be a kind person. He is just lovely x

ChocolateLover2000 · 14/11/2021 22:10

I found it got easier at about 4, and then there was another leap around 6. Mine are now 7 and 4. Little things like being able to put their own seat belt on, get themselves ready to go out, make their own breakfast etc make a big difference added up.

cafedesreves · 14/11/2021 22:13

@Bogofftosomewherehot

"I can deal with anything with a good nights sleep and I think parents with older children often forget how much of a toll disrupted sleep takes on you during the early years." and..... *@NameChange30* - " If I'm generous it's because they've forgotten how bloody hard it was and if I'm less generous it's because some people just love to be know-it-all's and think they know best and they have it harder because they're several years ahead in their parenting journey."

I'm not a know it all (but I am a women that has teens but I also work with kids under 2yrs).
You seem to forget that often a woman with teens not only has the challenge of teens but also aging parents (more than a woman aged 35 for example), plus the joys of fading hormones and menopause.

So rather than labelling us as "know it all" consider the bigger picture and challenges. Trust me, worrying about little Johnny's first report at nursery and if he'll refuse veg at dinner is completely different to social media bullying, sexual consent, eating disorders and exams whilst worrying about a fading parent and managing your own menopause symptoms. You'll be there one day too - good luck.

I'm the opposite to you... I have a 1yo and work with teens so have a very good understanding of the challenges parents face with them. I had terrible OCD post birth to the point I was suicidal and couldn't get better due to the lack of sleep. I don't worry about DS's school report etc but the lack of sleep literally sent me mad.
biscuitbadger · 14/11/2021 22:13

I found that during the baby and toddler years I was hanging onto my sanity by a thread. Once they were both at school, sure there were still lots of challenges but it helped to have some head space during the day!

The older they get, the easier I find it, and the more interesting conversations and activities I can genuinely enjoy with them. Mine are 12 and 10 now and it's hard work at times but they are soooooo much easier compared with those early years.

biscuitbadger · 14/11/2021 22:16

(I am bracing myself for things to get harder again btw as they head into their teens. But we've had a good few years of it being relatively easy.)

NameChange30 · 14/11/2021 22:19

@cafedesreves
Flowers

LittleDandelionClock · 14/11/2021 22:21

When they are 23/34+.

CasperGutman · 14/11/2021 22:24

Our oldest is nine. So far it's got better gradually, with significant transitions like dressing themselves, washing themselves and, of course wiping their own arsed! Smile

It may well get worse again in a few years, of course....

CasperGutman · 14/11/2021 22:25

Arses, that should say.

cafedesreves · 14/11/2021 22:26

[quote NameChange30]@cafedesreves
Flowers[/quote]
Thank you! All better now - loving my 1yo Grin

floweroverload · 14/11/2021 22:27

@SamosaSammy

Personally I think it gets easier every year.

My oldest two are 13 and 11 now. Yes they can still be hard work - homework wrangling, teenage angst, expecting me to be their personal taxi. It's not 'easy'. Plus they cost a bloody fortune to feed, clothe and entertain.

But I sleep now ☺️ I don't have to be present with them every second like when they were 3 and 1. I don't panic about every temperature and illness like when they were babies. I don't have any childcare to worry about for them (in terms of practicalities or cost). They help around the house. They go out on their own meaning more free time for me.

So yes, age 13 and 11 are dramatically 'easier' than ten years ago imo. The thought of waking up tomorrow with a 3 and 1 year old and all that beings makes me feel exhausted just at the thought!

I also have a 4 year old so I'm not totally out of the child stage yet! But for the purposes of this comparison just relied on the older ones.

Agreed, I have a 10 and 13 yr old and it's easy in that I can nip to shops or take dog out without taking them with me. They lie in so I can lie in. They can feed themselves and we don't need to stick to regular meal times. There is a lot of friend angst and some teenage tantrums but in the whole so easy. I would say this started about 2 years ago.
MumofSpud · 14/11/2021 22:30

With DD I found, as others have said the ages 7-10 lovely now she is 16 and toddler tantrums have NOTHING on teenage tantrums (which, by the way started at 10)

tedsletterofthelaw · 14/11/2021 22:33

DDs are 6 and 8 and they are an absolute breeze now.

DS is 3 and is pretty full on but gradually getting easier.

tedsletterofthelaw · 14/11/2021 22:35

ETA: I'm making the most of these years now as I am dreading the teenage years

jelly79 · 14/11/2021 22:37

My DS4 had several meltdowns today - hard
My DD19 is working in a busy bar - I'm awake worried

It's always hard but brilliant too x

unknownstory · 14/11/2021 22:45

Age 8-11 was cool. Quite independent but no teenage headaches. 10+ means you can leave them on own at home & they don't need walking to school & back ..teenagers have own issues

itsanotherfineday · 14/11/2021 22:47

I didn't enjoy the preschool years at all.
8-12 was much better, little people becoming themselves
Teens are the best, certainly challenging but without the same restrictions on your own time and space as younger ones.
Now mine are mostly grown up and gone, I really miss their company.

cheninblanc · 14/11/2021 22:49

It ebbs and flows with each age and the different challenges that brings. I loved 6-10 and I'm loving the mid teens. It doesn't get easier but it changes and brings different things

AuntieObnoxious · 14/11/2021 23:26

Ours are 14 & 12 and it’s lovely, they occupy themselves, they can sort out their own breakfasts and snacks......they even bring us tea and toast in bed at the weekend - we do have to pay them for that though £1 each😀 but it’s worth it. It’s got easier each year tbh, but I’ve been warned that once they both are teenagers it’ll be hell. I think once they start school & get a bit of independence taught is when it improves.

Obsessedwithbluey · 14/11/2021 23:26

I also have a 3 year old, so you have my sympathy 🙈I find her amazing, imagination really blooming, funny, interesting conversations etc..BUT, so very needy currently, wants to play with her from the second I open my eyes, also doesn’t let Dp and I talk, just exhausting!
Im interested in peoples comments about the difference in 3 to 4, intrigued how much can change and in what way in a relatively short time? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ibizafun · 14/11/2021 23:58

I think it becomes easier when you know they’re happy, whatever age that is.

Cameleongirl · 15/11/2021 00:07

@Ibizafun

I think it becomes easier when you know they’re happy, whatever age that is.
That's so true, @Ibizafun. I think that's why my Dad and IL's don't worry much about their adult children, as they know we're all relatively happy. That's all you wish for really.