To think where the hell has my life gone?!!

[HalfCenturyWoman]

Such an odd feeling on the approach to and now that I am 50.

A mixture of fear of getting old, disappointment that I didn’t do more or gave up on things I shouldn’t have, that opportunities are now few, the loss of my looks, that my life isn’t what I planned, fear of diseases raising their ugly heads, that I didn’t do stuff I wanted to, that my DC are soon moving out and moving on etc.

It’s fucking horrible! Never had this before as always a generally optimistic person, every day is a start over type of thing.

Anyone else felt like this and when does it pass please?

I’m a tiny bit younger but know exactly what you mean. No wisdom to offer but you’re not alone 🙂

Now is the time to start doing stuff! It's not too late!! You have years ahead of you!

Everything changes. You can make
A fresh start with your final breath.
But what has happened has happened. And the water
You once poured into the wine cannot be
Drained off again.

What has happened has happened. The water
You once poured into the wine cannot be
Drained off again, but
Everything changes. You can make
A fresh start with your final breath

~ Bertolt Brecht

Its never too late, OP. 50 isn't old these days. You could have another 30 years of healthy life ahead of you. What do you actually want to do? Write it all down and prioritize it. You didn't do stuff you wanted to? Start working on it now. Worried about your looks? Lose weight (if necessary), dye your hair, see a beautician, get some new clothes? DC moving out? That's an opportunity, not a problem. You can still keep in touch and it gives you more time to concentrate on developing and improving your own life. Learn a new skill, maybe a new hobby? Ceramics? Writing? Flying lessons? Skydiving? Anyway, before you know it, you'll be a grandmother and the house will be full again!

@TheLeadbetterLife

Everything changes. You can make A fresh start with your final breath. But what has happened has happened. And the water You once poured into the wine cannot be Drained off again.

What has happened has happened. The water
You once poured into the wine cannot be
Drained off again, but
Everything changes. You can make
A fresh start with your final breath

~ Bertolt Brecht

Love this.

Are you happy? Do you live as you want to? When I was just short of 49, on holiday with my husband of 29, I looked over at him and thought “I’m not doing this any longer”. It actually was out of the blue, but I knew I was done with the marriage. We were fond of each other, but we’re living like housemates. We hadn’t had sex for at least 10 years (you lose track after a while) and apart from the occasional holiday, we did nothing together. So I divorced him.

I wasn’t planning to have another serious relationship, later I met the love of my live. We’ve been together 13 years, married 6. I’m not thrilled that we are both now in our 60s - concern about age related health problems as you say, but not the loss of looks. We can choose whether or not to embrace beige or to be older, but fabulous. There are lots of older women (including myself if I may say so), who look damn good. Just make it so.

Firstly though, you have to decide what you want to change and then change it!

Should read husband of 29 years!

No solutions, but I'm the same age and feel the same.

Know exactly how you feel. Although my 2 DC don't look like they moving for a while yet. 😀. Questioning my long term relationship. Feel like selling up and living in a motorhome 🙄.

OP I'm 10 years further on the journey that is our lives.
I'm coping by planning a new chapter that will see me feeling freer.
I've taken early retirement and paid my mortgage off. I'm still at the decision about where to move to.
Change would enhance your life when feeling as you do. For the better of course. Try to keep positive and confident.

I found 50-55 a strange time, and atypically I wasn't very happy.

Partly insecurity that if I were made redundant I'd be unable to draw my pension yet, but unlikely too to get a job on the same level. Realisation I'd reached as far as I was going to get, but still had 15+ years of work. I was starting the perimenopause. Everything seemed 'same-y'.

After 55 everything brightened up again. I hit 60, did loads of things including going back to university, and (apart from the Covid situation) I have literally never been happier.

Just keep on keeping on OP, things will get better.

I feel the same OP.

50 next year and I still don't feel like a proper grown up!

I honestly feel like the last 10 years have absolutely flown by. It's actually quite frightening.

50's are strange. 60's are much better.
Write a bucket list and just do it. Good luck !

@AnnieSnap you’ve given me hope! I’m 50 , just left a 24 year marriage , then a failed relationship just after. . I’m financially ok but get very down about the future , I don’t see how I’ll meet anyone when I wfh and long hours and don’t really go out. I’ve found living on my own hard as well as I’ve never done it before . So - good to hear your story.

Me too op. You're not alone. Just nearing the end of a divorce now. Kids at uni and didn't plan to be alone. I feel very lonely and unloved. Scared of what to do next and where to go physically and metaphorically!

I hit 30 this year and thought the same.
50 isn't old, you can make the changes in your life you want op and go on to have a fantastic 30-50 years ahead of you, good luck.

I began a new life at 54. New relationship, new house, new location. In my 60s now and life is great.

@TheLeadbetterLife

Everything changes. You can make A fresh start with your final breath. But what has happened has happened. And the water You once poured into the wine cannot be Drained off again.

What has happened has happened. The water
You once poured into the wine cannot be
Drained off again, but
Everything changes. You can make
A fresh start with your final breath

~ Bertolt Brecht

Wow, that's depressing.

What you have or haven’t done in the past, is exactly that, the past. Yes you might hear echoes, esp if you listen for them but you can do fuck all about it so why waste energy. The only thing that matters is the present and the potentiality of the future use the energy you have to look forward not backward, if you accidentally look behind you use it to remind you where you are going and why You could live to be 100 which means you have a whole lifetime ahead of you. Visualise your future within the realm of possibilities (however improbable) and make it happen

Depressing? Why? I think it's inspiring.

@Europilgrim

Depressing? Why? I think it's inspiring.

Well, the important thing is what OP thinks

Sorry, OP, I didn't answer. I had that phase at 30. It felt like nothing would ever change, it was grim. I had health issues throughout my teens and 20s, they peaked at 31.

Then they got better.

Life is terribly random. I find I'm happier accepting that, just hoping for good luck and appreciating good days health wise.

I am sorry you are feeling like this, and I know exactly what you mean. I am 6 years older than you and I would say that the feelings don’t entirely pass but it does get easier to accept and these feelings will come less often and you can enjoy the good bits in your life. I think it is grieving for lost youth. Like any loss it will always be there but you can learn to accept it. There are still plenty of things to enjoy in life and I feel less and less the feeling you describe.

That's so sad to read @DDUW. What's stopping you?

I feel the same. Sadly it gets worse! I'm 55 now and look back at being 50 ( 5 minutes ago!) as the halcyon days when I was slim and gorgeous!!!!

I just don't know where the time has gone, and it goes so bloody quickly. I have memories from 30 years ago which are so clear and feel like yesterday.