To think where the hell has my life gone?!!

[HalfCenturyWoman]

Such an odd feeling on the approach to and now that I am 50.

A mixture of fear of getting old, disappointment that I didn’t do more or gave up on things I shouldn’t have, that opportunities are now few, the loss of my looks, that my life isn’t what I planned, fear of diseases raising their ugly heads, that I didn’t do stuff I wanted to, that my DC are soon moving out and moving on etc.

It’s fucking horrible! Never had this before as always a generally optimistic person, every day is a start over type of thing.

Anyone else felt like this and when does it pass please?

I'm never going to be able to do the things I want to do. I find the things I ought to be doing soul destroying. My life was over a long time ago and I am just treading water until it's time for me to die
Me too and I am 42

I felt like this approaching 40, and was very depressed about it. Now at 48 and approaching 50 I feel a lot more positive, mostly because I have a plan for the future. I know anything could happen to disrupt these plans, but having them really helps. I hope DH and I can retire at 60 and get a motorhome and go travelling, and knowing each day, month, year brings us closer to that stops me worrying about the actual aging. We've also got plans for trips in the years before retirement which should be fun. And knowing that we want a fairly active retirement helps in trying to stay fit and healthy now.

100% with you OP. I turned 50 last month. I didn’t think about it at all until the actual day, I’ve never been concerned with big birthdays before. But it hit me like a ton of bricks out of the blue. I’m single, still renting (unlikely to ever change), no savings, kids grown up and left home. I’m 3 stone overweight, really unfit, bored and miserable. HRT takes the edge off the flushes etc but hasn’t done anything for my energy levels. I’ve completely lost my mojo and lack any motivation to go looking for it. It’s rubbish.

As someone in their 60’s I would say if there is anything you want to do, do in NOW.
DH and I retired at 60 with plans to do lots. Even if covid hadn’t come along and scuppered a lot of our plans, three elderly parents who need constant support certainly have.
So I would say decide what you want to do and get on with it.

Im 65 and my OH and i have a better social life than my kids do mainly becaus all the kids have left home and we are in the biker scene so go to other clubs, rallies bike shows we can go away for a weekend if we want to and mortgage free so though we are not rich by any means we dont go without anything , both healthy and im lucky i dont look my age , embrace all the good things you have in life and yes i sit and wonder where the hell the last 65 years have gone

I just turned 50 a month ago and I felt a whole load of negative emotions even though my circumstances are different. I had dc3 late in life and felt so depressed at turning 50 with a 9 yr old and two secondary school aged kids.
I felt that at 50, I should be where you are - dcs leaving home.
My life isn’t how I wanted even though I am fortunate in so many ways.
I see job adverts and although I’m happy with my work at the moment, I always feel I went into the wrong field and those doors are permanently shut now.
I think that’s the crux of it. Doors that seem to be closing now.
I’m working at trying to keep my health and appearance as best as I can and even that is depressing.

Perhaps perimenoupause has made you a little depressed,I say this as someone who felt v low in the middle of this yr.
I'm 55 and keep setting new small challenges.
Keeping busy and active helps me not to dwell on the fact that cancer looms large in my family.
My dgm lived until 93 so I'm focusing on being like her.!

I'm mid fifties can identify with a lot of this.

Got divorced around eight years ago. Have been single mum for all that time. DD now sixteen. Time of transition and preparing for her going ot college at 18.

Pandemic had really got me down at times as I felt it had restricted my possiblities to get out there and craft a new life. Felt as if I had to give up a lot of things to home school. And then had to devote the past few months to securing divorce settlment.

So now have savings and settlement on account but stil in rented and tired with everything and all the effort but especially dealing with a teenage DD. Feel as if I've missed the boat on property owning as had settlement arrived ten years ago I could have done it...?
On the other hand grateful to have social housing.
Grateful to be alive!

Don't feel as if I want a relationship again. Not sure whether I ever will. So many don't knows at this point.

Tiredness I know partly comes from not great dietary habits which I know I need to change.

Usually DD kind of drags me into the future.

I would go with new small challenges. Small ones in my experience add up to larger ones.

Look forward to Monday mornings as DD at home studying reminds me too much of the hell that was home-schooling!

God, fuck that for a game of soldiers. Life is over when you die, before that it’s full of wondrous possibilities. Life changes, stop clinging to the past and embrace the future. Yes we’re all a bit saggier, creak a bit more, less pert but who gives a fuck, we’re also more experienced, have loved (and probably lost) felt joy and sadness, don’t have the pressures of the pert less saggy people would going a different way really have made any difference? Perhaps if you had chosen a different career path you might have died in a car crash on the way to work, not had your kids, not bought that particular dog who sat with you through the tears and laughter, not met that friend who took you out partying to get over a break up. Not gone into the cafe who served you the best cake ever.

You are here and you are the product of everything you perceive as good and bad in your past. That’s done. But don’t let that stop you experiencing what today has to offer and exploring every possibility the future holds.

If you live til you’re 100 you have a whole lifetime ahead of you. Don’t spend the next 50 years treading water, in 10 years time, don’t sit there and think, I should have done this at 50. Do it now. Fuck anyone who thinks life is for the young and well toned. If your boobs are headed south just buy a more supportive bra to hold them in place whilst you dance the night away😁

@JohnDee007

God, fuck that for a game of soldiers. Life is over when you die, before that it’s full of wondrous possibilities. Life changes, stop clinging to the past and embrace the future. Yes we’re all a bit saggier, creak a bit more, less pert but who gives a fuck, we’re also more experienced, have loved (and probably lost) felt joy and sadness, don’t have the pressures of the pert less saggy people would going a different way really have made any difference? Perhaps if you had chosen a different career path you might have died in a car crash on the way to work, not had your kids, not bought that particular dog who sat with you through the tears and laughter, not met that friend who took you out partying to get over a break up. Not gone into the cafe who served you the best cake ever.

You are here and you are the product of everything you perceive as good and bad in your past. That’s done. But don’t let that stop you experiencing what today has to offer and exploring every possibility the future holds.

If you live til you’re 100 you have a whole lifetime ahead of you. Don’t spend the next 50 years treading water, in 10 years time, don’t sit there and think, I should have done this at 50. Do it now. Fuck anyone who thinks life is for the young and well toned. If your boobs are headed south just buy a more supportive bra to hold them in place whilst you dance the night away😁

Perfect! Best advice ever!💐👍

My friend came out of a long acrimonious divorce at 52. They finally sold the family home where she had been trapped. With her half and the divorce money she moved to a big city, bought a gorgeous house, retired, got two crazy kittens, and now has a whole new life, including being pursued by many men. It is a brand new positive start for her. This can happen at any time if you let it/encourage it.

I think once I’ve got through my divorce settlement I will feel better though suspect my husband is going to be extremely difficult.

As well as my marriage ending , to be fair it had been dead for years , the relationship I then had with a man who had been my best friend and confIdante for years and who I absolutely adore, went badly wrong due to circumstances beyond our control. I miss everything about him and still cry every day.I don’t feel as though there will ever be anyone I could feel like that about, and that makes me sad. I’m definitely not open to another relationship for now.

But on the plus side , I look ok for 50, I’m fit, slim , train regularly at the gym and told I look mid to late 30s which I will take all day long 🤣, I’ve a well paid job, a nice rental for now, no dependent kids and will have enough money to buy something hopefully more or less outright once all sorted.

I try and look at the positives , it’s just the loneliness I struggle with. All of my friends are coupled up and so I don’t really have anyone to go out with 😔.

@GrumpyTerrier ☺️ This is ace 👏🏽

Grumpyterrier I couldn't agree more.

@JohnDee007

God, fuck that for a game of soldiers. Life is over when you die, before that it’s full of wondrous possibilities. Life changes, stop clinging to the past and embrace the future. Yes we’re all a bit saggier, creak a bit more, less pert but who gives a fuck, we’re also more experienced, have loved (and probably lost) felt joy and sadness, don’t have the pressures of the pert less saggy people would going a different way really have made any difference? Perhaps if you had chosen a different career path you might have died in a car crash on the way to work, not had your kids, not bought that particular dog who sat with you through the tears and laughter, not met that friend who took you out partying to get over a break up. Not gone into the cafe who served you the best cake ever.

You are here and you are the product of everything you perceive as good and bad in your past. That’s done. But don’t let that stop you experiencing what today has to offer and exploring every possibility the future holds.

If you live til you’re 100 you have a whole lifetime ahead of you. Don’t spend the next 50 years treading water, in 10 years time, don’t sit there and think, I should have done this at 50. Do it now. Fuck anyone who thinks life is for the young and well toned. If your boobs are headed south just buy a more supportive bra to hold them in place whilst you dance the night away😁

Don't think anyone is saying they are 'treading water'. Just talking about how we feel about it right now. Today.

And actually we are allowed to! That is not all feel the same as you do right now!

@Tempnamelady

I think once I’ve got through my divorce settlement I will feel better though suspect my husband is going to be extremely difficult.

As well as my marriage ending , to be fair it had been dead for years , the relationship I then had with a man who had been my best friend and confIdante for years and who I absolutely adore, went badly wrong due to circumstances beyond our control. I miss everything about him and still cry every day.I don’t feel as though there will ever be anyone I could feel like that about, and that makes me sad. I’m definitely not open to another relationship for now.

But on the plus side , I look ok for 50, I’m fit, slim , train regularly at the gym and told I look mid to late 30s which I will take all day long 🤣, I’ve a well paid job, a nice rental for now, no dependent kids and will have enough money to buy something hopefully more or less outright once all sorted.

I try and look at the positives , it’s just the loneliness I struggle with. All of my friends are coupled up and so I don’t really have anyone to go out with 😔.

Out the other end of the legal stuff, which I did myself, I can understand that crossing that bridge can be tiring. So right now it is fairly recent, a matter of weeks, so I'm allowing myself just to be. And that is okay.

Yes, there are positives in my life, but I'm actually quite tired emotionally and just getting used to not dealing with all that paperwork on a day to day basis. I get it. And I do think you will feel differently once it is done. Along the lines of a weight dropped from shoulders. But kind of takes a while to regroup.

@GrumpyTerrier

My friend came out of a long acrimonious divorce at 52. They finally sold the family home where she had been trapped. With her half and the divorce money she moved to a big city, bought a gorgeous house, retired, got two crazy kittens, and now has a whole new life, including being pursued by many men. It is a brand new positive start for her. This can happen at any time if you let it/encourage it.

Yes, but not the same if you are living with a DD just started on her A levels and needing to stay put for another two years, provide stabilty for them.

It is a different kind of transformation, actually.
And kittens personally are the last thing I would want. Don't want to go dating either, not now. Would rather have the energy for me! So it is really inner work going on. Which sounds like the same for many on this thread.

@JohnDee007

God, fuck that for a game of soldiers. Life is over when you die, before that it’s full of wondrous possibilities. Life changes, stop clinging to the past and embrace the future. Yes we’re all a bit saggier, creak a bit more, less pert but who gives a fuck, we’re also more experienced, have loved (and probably lost) felt joy and sadness, don’t have the pressures of the pert less saggy people would going a different way really have made any difference? Perhaps if you had chosen a different career path you might have died in a car crash on the way to work, not had your kids, not bought that particular dog who sat with you through the tears and laughter, not met that friend who took you out partying to get over a break up. Not gone into the cafe who served you the best cake ever.

You are here and you are the product of everything you perceive as good and bad in your past. That’s done. But don’t let that stop you experiencing what today has to offer and exploring every possibility the future holds.

If you live til you’re 100 you have a whole lifetime ahead of you. Don’t spend the next 50 years treading water, in 10 years time, don’t sit there and think, I should have done this at 50. Do it now. Fuck anyone who thinks life is for the young and well toned. If your boobs are headed south just buy a more supportive bra to hold them in place whilst you dance the night away😁

Just LOVE this!!!!!

Yea I get this feeling a lot. Apparently this can happen as you enter peri menopause. I had wondered if that's why I suddenly feel so miserable and unhappy with my life and all the 'what ifs.

You might need to go through this mourning for your youth before you can let go of that and move into the next phase of life. I think 'big birthdays' can be difficult.

@SturminsterNewton

I found 50-55 a strange time, and atypically I wasn't very happy.

Partly insecurity that if I were made redundant I'd be unable to draw my pension yet, but unlikely too to get a job on the same level. Realisation I'd reached as far as I was going to get, but still had 15+ years of work. I was starting the perimenopause. Everything seemed 'same-y'.

After 55 everything brightened up again. I hit 60, did loads of things including going back to university, and (apart from the Covid situation) I have literally never been happier.

Just keep on keeping on OP, things will get better.

This is pretty much how I feel. I don't feel I have lost my looks, as I think I look OK for mid 50s (almost 54 now.) But my health is in decline, and the menopause has kicked in like a fucking bitch.

DD has left home and lives 20 miles away, and I have no grandkids and very little extended family, so I have no commitments or ties, but do feel a sense of doom sometimes... As you say, our 50s is an time where if we are made redundant, very few employers will want us, but many women of that age group have 12 to 15 years of work still left, so are often forced into shitty minimum pay jobs where they struggle to get the hours.

I am fortunate that I have a decent earning DH, and am lucky to be part time (18 hours a week.) I have been full time in the past, but prefer part time (who doesn't, if they can afford it?!) But if he left me, I would struggle alone financially. Even if I went full time. I dread being alone tbh, for reasons other than financial, and really feel for people who are alone when they are approaching their senior and elderly years. (Or already in them.)

I don't know how they cope. I LOVED being alone when I was younger, but I hate it now. Maybe for half a day or a day yeah, but not permanently. DH went on a works course a few weeks ago, and was away Monday morning to Wednesday night. OMG I missed him. I hated the house being so empty and quiet.

No offence, but IMO, there is little point in doing a university degree at 50 or older, unless you are doing it for 'fun.' No employer is going to take you on for a really good post grad job in your mid 50s, and you are not going to start a colourful and exciting new career then. So I must admit I would not be arsed to do that. Each to their own though.

I am 60 and can remember that feeling when I was younger. It has passed, thankfully!

The less attention you pay to the aging process, the better.
l am 53, l am proud of the woman l have become.
Dont waste time looking back, or wishing things were different, life never ever goes to plan , we shouldnt expect it to. l see the next chapter of my life as my best yet.

@JohnDee007

God, fuck that for a game of soldiers. Life is over when you die, before that it’s full of wondrous possibilities. Life changes, stop clinging to the past and embrace the future. Yes we’re all a bit saggier, creak a bit more, less pert but who gives a fuck, we’re also more experienced, have loved (and probably lost) felt joy and sadness, don’t have the pressures of the pert less saggy people would going a different way really have made any difference? Perhaps if you had chosen a different career path you might have died in a car crash on the way to work, not had your kids, not bought that particular dog who sat with you through the tears and laughter, not met that friend who took you out partying to get over a break up. Not gone into the cafe who served you the best cake ever.

You are here and you are the product of everything you perceive as good and bad in your past. That’s done. But don’t let that stop you experiencing what today has to offer and exploring every possibility the future holds.

If you live til you’re 100 you have a whole lifetime ahead of you. Don’t spend the next 50 years treading water, in 10 years time, don’t sit there and think, I should have done this at 50. Do it now. Fuck anyone who thinks life is for the young and well toned. If your boobs are headed south just buy a more supportive bra to hold them in place whilst you dance the night away😁

This ❤

I'm 48 and by 50 my youngest will be 17/18 and I was excited for what we could do without major responsibilities. Now we are looking to Foster our 6 year old grandson and take on all his needs because my other dd has decided she can't and left him with us! I'm absolutely shattered and now our immediate future is getting through each day. BUT I still want to be able to travel and open up a whole new world for dgs and of course my youngest is still needing us as she has problems too. I feel I just want to get closer to family and friends, be as healthy as I can and carry on doing all the creative things I love. Being out in the woods yesterday with my dgs and dh was so therapeutic and just such a simple pleasure means alot to me. We don't need to be serious go getters in this life. Being content and connected with people we love is sufficient for me xxx