To think where the hell has my life gone?!!

[HalfCenturyWoman]

Such an odd feeling on the approach to and now that I am 50.

A mixture of fear of getting old, disappointment that I didn’t do more or gave up on things I shouldn’t have, that opportunities are now few, the loss of my looks, that my life isn’t what I planned, fear of diseases raising their ugly heads, that I didn’t do stuff I wanted to, that my DC are soon moving out and moving on etc.

It’s fucking horrible! Never had this before as always a generally optimistic person, every day is a start over type of thing.

Anyone else felt like this and when does it pass please?

Lurking
Feel a bit like this myself

[quote Tempnamelady]@AnnieSnap you’ve given me hope! I’m 50 , just left a 24 year marriage , then a failed relationship just after. . I’m financially ok but get very down about the future , I don’t see how I’ll meet anyone when I wfh and long hours and don’t really go out. I’ve found living on my own hard as well as I’ve never done it before . So - good to hear your story.[/quote]
DH and I met on online dating! I was lucky. I didn’t encounter any weirdos. I think it’s best to use paid for sites as the weirdos and the scammers won’t want to pay to be creepy or money grabbing when they can do it for free! If I was looking now, I’d probably pay the premium for E Harmony. The systems are designed by psychologists and psychometric are used to select potential matches for you. Again, that wouldn’t be attractive to the types we want to avoid.

@GrumpyTerrier

My friend came out of a long acrimonious divorce at 52. They finally sold the family home where she had been trapped. With her half and the divorce money she moved to a big city, bought a gorgeous house, retired, got two crazy kittens, and now has a whole new life, including being pursued by many men. It is a brand new positive start for her. This can happen at any time if you let it/encourage it.

Not being funny, but on the offchance this isn't from an American soap script or a chicklit novel; THIS ^ happening is about a one in 10,000 chance for most women, (probably one in 25,000 for women in their 50s.)

I hate to be a doom-monger, but the reality for most women now who get divorced (and especially in middle age,) is that they'll end up fairly skint, and living in a little rented flat, with very little surplus income, and scratting for hours at work to keep the wolf from the door.

I see some women become a bit more content when they become pensioners (mid 60s plus.) That's probably because they no longer have to worry about being forced to work a shit minimum-pay job and fight for hours just to pay the bills, because they are past working age and eligible for state pension (and any works pensions they have.)

Plus they get loads of concessions and freebies, and there are many special housing developments geared up to people 60-65+. There also seems to be a lot of support for the elderly. Not so much for single (or divorced) middle-aged and senior age women. (Like 40 to 64.)

PLUS there is no expectation to be in a relationship as there is when you're mid 50s or younger. In fact, I know very few women over 60 get into a new relationship if she is widowed, or divorced.

@JohnDee007 great post 👍

Plus they get loads of concessions and freebies, and there are many special housing developments geared up to people 60-65+. There also seems to be a lot of support for the elderly.

I've just turned 60 - omg am I elderly? Also please point me in the right direction for concessions and freebies as the only one I have means I have to be sick!

I hate to be a doom-monger, but the reality for most women now who get divorced (and especially in middle age,) is that they'll end up fairly skint, and living in a little rented flat, with very little surplus income, and scratting for hours at work to keep the wolf from the door.

Jesus christ.

@AnnieSnap

Should read husband of 29 years!

I am soooo glad you clarified that! 😂😂

I am soooo glad you clarified that! 😂😂

Me too - I spent some time wondering if she last had sex with the husband when he was 19

Johndee007 love that post.

@beastlyslumber I know ! I won’t be living in no poky flat and I won’t be skint . Call me lucky but actually I’ve pulled my tripe out working all my life , had a short maternity leave and worked to further my career. And I’ve now got to steel myself not to get fucked over in a divorce through guilt because even though I’m the one that left, I’m not the only one who contributed to the end of the marriage.

Wingingitsince1973 love both of your posts. Agree there is nothing better than a walk in the woods. Hope it goes well with your grandchild. Xxx

I used to feel like I went to bed one night and woke up 10 years later. I now feel like I went to bed one night and woke up 20 years later. I'm 61 and still think I'm 26 in my head ! I have no idea how I got to be so old !!!

@ginislife

I used to feel like I went to bed one night and woke up 10 years later. I now feel like I went to bed one night and woke up 20 years later. I'm 61 and still think I'm 26 in my head ! I have no idea how I got to be so old !!!

Isn't that good though? When I was going through hard times, the time absolutely crawled.

When it's going fast, IME it usually means things are going well.

Hokusai says look carefully.
He says pay attention, notice.
He says keep looking, stay curious.
He says there is no end to seeing

He says look forward to getting old.
He says keep changing,
you just get more who you really are...
...
www.mindfulnessassociation.net/words-of-wonder/awakening-now-2/

Can't possibly agree that divorce leaves women in grotty flats etc, not a single divorced person I know is in this position! It's more of a stereotype than the reality.

I had my DC when I was 19, now 52, so been without those direct responsibilities for a long time, although I do now have grandchildren (which is great).

I’ve never been married but have done lots of online dating since I was in my 40s. Some tuned into longer term things, others were flings. I’m now with someone who I hope will be my final partner!

But the downside is, I’ve never been financially stable and have got to a point where I cannot seem to get a different job or on to a course to help me develop the working side of my life. I’ve been rejected a number of times over the last few years and I feel like I’m on the scrap heap

@LittleDandelionClock - Wow! Don't know where you are in life but me and I expect many others, are not scraping by on the breadline and waiting until our pensions kick in. Blimey, you are so morose. Are you a bloke?