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My kid has told another kid Santa isn't real...
235

Santaslittleproblem · 13/11/2021 21:22

Our kids are 9 and at school they have had a discussion amongst a few of them about whether Santa is real.

I've had a very shirty message from a parent, which appears to single out my child having spilled the beans and subsequently spoilt the 'magic of Christmas' for their child, who has also told their younger siblings who've been crying over it. The parents have had to spend a lot of time reassuring the kids that Santa IS in fact real, and have requested that I ask my child not to discuss it further in school.

My child found out about Santa from their older sibling, and wasn't too bothered by it. I've said before that they should not talk about it with their friends, and when I asked them about this conversation, my child was absolutely gutted to have caused upset to others.

How should I respond, if at all? I don't want to fall out with them, but I'm stunned they've approached me with this, tbh.

OP's posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

DrSbaitso · 14/11/2021 12:28

I'm starting to get so sick of the "magic of Christmas". It just always seems to be a stick to beat people with, or a cause of a massive amount of stress and drama.

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WhateverIdo · 14/11/2021 12:34

@PlanDeRaccordement

The sooner a child learns the truth, the better in my opinion. There’s nothing “magic” about being lied to.

Always one 🙄
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Toktokboki · 14/11/2021 12:39

Tbh I think at 9, the jig is up. Most kids do know. My nephew pretended to not know as he thought he would get less presents if he kept it up. I know a girl at 11 who thought he was real - that was too much.

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Topseyt · 14/11/2021 12:53

If I were going to respond at all I would love to use @CallMeMabel 's reply.

Otherwise, ignoring is probably best, even though texting a blind "Oh FFS grow up" would also be tempting.

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julieca · 14/11/2021 12:53

It doesnt sit right with me to say to kids to keep secrets from their friends.

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ImInStealthMode · 14/11/2021 12:56

Well there's an easy way for the other parents to solve this. 'Santa only brings presents to people who believe in him' and then follow through with no presents.

Harsh maybe, but they'll certainly believe in him the following year WinkWinkGrin

(OP your DC is not to blame. It's not their fault this kid went home and told younger siblings! Most of the kids I know love keeping up the pretence for younger members of the family).

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julieca · 14/11/2021 12:56

And too many parents want to keep their kids little.

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DontTellThemYourNamePike · 14/11/2021 13:19

I think it's very rude of posters to say it's ridiculous for a child to believe in Santa at 9. Some do, some don't. Most children question Santa before this age. Some parents fess up, some don't.

I certainly don't think it's reasonable to expect a child to keep the magic going for other children though.

My youngest DS is 9 and has told me there is a 'conspiracy theory' in his class that Santa is actually 'your parents'GrinGrin

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peboh · 14/11/2021 13:24

I personally don't like the idea of asking your children to lie, or keep quiet for the benefit of others. At aged 9, they can handle the truth of Santa if it was to come out. If it wasn't your child that made them aware, it would have been another.

Just message and say 'I'm sorry that your child(ren) became upset due to a conversation surrounding Santa, however you don't expect your child to lie to others, nor would you ever ask them to as it's inappropriate to teach then that lying is acceptable'

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peboh · 14/11/2021 13:25

@ImInStealthMode

Well there's an easy way for the other parents to solve this. 'Santa only brings presents to people who believe in him' and then follow through with no presents.

Harsh maybe, but they'll certainly believe in him the following year WinkWinkGrin

(OP your DC is not to blame. It's not their fault this kid went home and told younger siblings! Most of the kids I know love keeping up the pretence for younger members of the family).

Why would you lie to your children like that? That's just creating a punishment/reward system that is ridiculous. If your children learn the truth, then you should explain the truth to them.
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StaplesCorner · 14/11/2021 13:34

When I was 9 I told the neighbours' kids there was no such thing as god. Their Mum came round to complain in person (as it was 1971 and we didn't have phones!)

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WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 14/11/2021 13:36

Thanks very much, Puffalicious - for very interesting, informative and considered response to my question Smile

I don't think the parent in the OP sending texts is right, I don't know where you've procured that from?

OP only originally mentioned receiving a 'message' from the angry parent - I don't know whether that was a text, WhatsApp, Facebook, email, handwritten note or whatever - but does it make a big difference which format was used?

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LetHimHaveIt · 14/11/2021 13:45

'I don't think the parent in the OP sending texts is right, I don't know where you've procured that from?'

'OP only originally mentioned receiving a 'message' from the angry parent - I don't know whether that was a text, WhatsApp, Facebook, email, handwritten note or whatever - but does it make a big difference which format was used?'


No, it doesn't - but that's not what @Puffalicious meant/said. She meant she didn't understand where you'd got the idea that she thought the parent sending texts was in the right. She wasn't hung-up on the format.

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Whiterose23 · 14/11/2021 14:02

I have a 9 year old and the Santa talk between the class has been ongoing for a couple of years.
Some still believe, some don’t and some are unsure.
My own 9 year old still believes but her best friend doesn’t. They have frequent debates about who’s correct Grin
It’s never entered my head to text her mother, in fact we laugh about it.
DD has told me that if Santa isn’t real I can tell her when she has her own children so that they don’t miss out on presents.

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lobsteroll · 14/11/2021 14:12

I think at age 9 this is to be expected. It's a shame but it's happened.

I don't know why they are annoyed with your kid even though it's their own 9 year old who has told the younger siblings 🙄🙄 surely if their kid can do it then they understand how it can happen.

It's a shame your older child told your 9 year old too though. They are old enough to know better.

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LolaSmiles · 14/11/2021 14:19

Do people stop the santa thing once their kids no longer believe? My parents still did the stocking until I was 18 and had moved out. I would bet they still put mince pies and q glass of brandy out the night before on our Christmas dish for my dad to 'secretley' have in the morning when making everyone breakfast.
DH and I did stockings for each other before DC came along and our parents also continued stockings with us through our teens. It's the tradition and the fun that's enjoyable.

Why some people get overly emotional about children discovering a fictional tale is fictional is beyond me.

If the magic of Christmas is ruined because a child realises that a big old man doesn't sneak into millions of homes overnight then I'd question how magical Christmas actually is for those who are slightly uptight and desperate to push santa stories. It seems like they're using their children to meet their own emotional needs.

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Lavender24 · 14/11/2021 14:21

@3scape

I'd send a laughing emoji. They must be joking. 9 year olds are hardly unable to spot the disconnect.

I would do the same. Your kid did their kid a favour.
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Puffalicious · 14/11/2021 14:31

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Thanks very much, Puffalicious - for very interesting, informative and considered response to my question Smile

I don't think the parent in the OP sending texts is right, I don't know where you've procured that from?

OP only originally mentioned receiving a 'message' from the angry parent - I don't know whether that was a text, WhatsApp, Facebook, email, handwritten note or whatever - but does it make a big difference which format was used?

No, I wouldn't be a pedant like that! I meant that you sounded like you thought I thought the text sending was right. I don't think it's right at all, I think it's shitty and not helpful to anyone, especially since it was their child who told the younger siblings.

Hope that clears it up. Thanks for your reply.
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ImInStealthMode · 14/11/2021 14:42

@peboh I'm clearly joking, I thought that was clear from the emojis Confused

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DrSbaitso · 14/11/2021 14:57

[quote ImInStealthMode]@peboh I'm clearly joking, I thought that was clear from the emojis Confused [/quote]
I wasn't sure myself. A number of people on the thread have said that they do tell their kids that if they don't believe then they won't get any presents.

Once you have to start using threats to maintain the illusion, the "magic of Christmas" (I am really starting to hate that phrase) is truly gone as you know it and I have to wonder who the whole thing is actually for.

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Puffalicious · 14/11/2021 15:03

Thanks Lethimhaveit

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BoredZelda · 14/11/2021 15:07

Even if it's for bursting a bubble you set up yourself in the full knowledge it was going to come down one way or another, and it's a bit of a surprise it lasted as long as it did?

I’m not sure you can claim that the OP herself created the bubble of Santa. 😆 But yes, regardless of previous actions or intention, if you upset someone, saying sorry is the right thing to do.

This isn't like accidentally injuring someone. It's a perfectly normal developmental stage that the parents themselves choose to set up for future destruction.

It is like accidentally injuring someone. And actually in my example the child injured herself. But something I was in control of made it worse.

I think the problem is, people get so twisted up in knots trying to make themselves blameless and they see a simple apology as an admittance of blame rather than what is actually is, an expression of sorrow that something happened.

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LolaSmiles · 14/11/2021 15:11

I think the problem is, people get so twisted up in knots trying to make themselves blameless and they see a simple apology as an admittance of blame rather than what is actually is, an expression of sorrow that something happened
But a couple of 9 year olds realising santa is a fictional story doesn't require an expression of sorrow, especially when it wasn't even the OP's child who informed other people's siblings.

Children grow up and learn to question the world. If adults are so fragile they need to cling to their children saying/doing the right things to make Christmas magical then the adults need to take a long hard look in the mirror.

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DrSbaitso · 14/11/2021 15:14

It is like accidentally injuring someone.

A child telling another child that they've discovered Santa isn't real is equivalent to accidentally injuring them?

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Cupcakeschocolate · 14/11/2021 15:25

We don't celebrate Christmas. Muslim family. I have to have this chat every year with my kids. I still don't get how it is 'magical' though. A fat strange man sneaks down your chimney. Which is effectively breaking in to your house whilst you sleep. Yes he leaves presents but surely that's a but weird... we tell kids not to speak or accept things from strangers but on Christmas and Halloween this is fine.... I personally don't get it. But every family has its own traditions. Just remind your kids not to do it again. We avoid santander discussions at school like the plague!

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