To be annoyed with old age parent?

[icelolly12]

Are daily calls and multiple texting sessions a day normal? How do I wean myself away when if I don't reply or answer within 20 minutes a barrage of "are you okay texts" and multiple calls start...I just don't have the energy to engage in daily conversations. I don't mind chatting a few times a week, but every day for me is honestly too much and I just find myself getting cold about their contact,

@MrsBobDylan - ''If they want to emigrate at 18 I will miss them but be bloody glad they got to live their own lives without the strangle hold of guilt.''

You know what i've though about this lots of times and yes, it's a strange one isn't it? As it the ones that have moved out have stayed in the village and that's lovely obvs. But if any of them emigrated i'd be sad to think i wouldn't see as much of them but i'd be proud of them to spread their wings that far and i'd feel happy to know that family ties haven't felt like a stone around their neck to hold them back.

This behaviour was one of earlier external signs of Dad’s dementia. With Mum it’s due to her total lack of comprehension about working women’s days

My Dad did this for a long time after my mum died and still does but not as often. I suspect my brothers or others in the family are getting a lot of it now. It's extremely wearing. My dad was drinking a lot at the time. He's 83. Mum died around 3 years ago. It upsets my oldest brother in ways that is difficult to pinpoint. It's kind of you can't have a proper conversation. It's all about his problems. I largely have found ways to manage it now but it's not easy.

What she didn't want to talk about was that my Mum beat me, restricted food and went abroad leaving me to look after my younger siblings my a when I was 13

But this is an extreme scenario obviously and it isn't what the OP is talking about (I assume)

What I often see is that the parents who are the most obsessed with their DC are the ones who neglect their own parents the most. And what they don't realise is that their little ones are likely to emulate their behaviour when they grow up and end up ignoring them too.

It's difficult when we are busy, but one day you will wish you could spend a few minutes a day answering the phone or a text. Try to make the time x

The only way to stop this is to be blunt and go and tell them what is and is not acceptable. I had a friend who would email me up to 20 times a day while I was working and in the end I said I cant tolerate this any more and said I'd end the friendship if this carried on.

I did wonder about dementia, too. One reason my DM eventually moved into a care home was that she was eventually ringing my poor brother up to 30 times in one hour. It was seriously affecting him. Almost total term memory loss meant she simply could never remember that she’d only just spoken to him.

One thing I’ve seen recommended for such multiple calls (it was on a site for carers of people with dementia) is to have a dedicated cheap mobile phone, with a message to say, ‘Sorry, Mum/Dad, I can’t come to the phone just now, but I’ll ring you back later.’ And limit it to once a day. So at least they hear your voice.

…short term memory loss…

@mustlovegin My example may be extreme, but you missed the point. If you were related to my Mum, you would think she was lovely and adored me (just like my auntie does). You would be very sad that I refused to see my Mum and yet speak how much I love my own kids.

What I'm trying to say is that no one can know what someone else's relationship is like. That poor old woman, alone and uncared for may have been an abusive monster.

Just offer op a bit of sympathy for what must be a difficult situation and stop judging others for not loving their mothers enough.

We reap what we sow in life.