AIBU or is DD5 weird?

[themerrywifeofwindsor]

I feel so bad even thinking this as of course I love her to bits just how she is, but I'm starting to think that DD5 is just a bit weird and socially awkward and I'm worried for her.

At the school gates this morning, she sees some girls who she's friends with, and instead of approaching and saying hello, she jumps up right in their faces and makes weird noises at them. Even at the age of 5, they make this face as if to say 'errrr....weirdo'. And she does things to get their attention, like a funny walk. It's so embarrassing!! And I don't want to be embarrassed by my DD.

I took her to one side and bent down to talk to her and gently said "sweetie, why don't you just go up and say hello instead of jumping around and making noises at people". She just carried on with what she was doing. I don't want the other kids to think she's weird and not want to play with her! I don't see anyone else acting that way at the school gates. How can I get her to understand and act in a way that's a bit more socially appropriate?

YES - YABU, this is normal 5 year old behaviour and you can't expect social graces at this age

NO - this sounds odd and I'd be embarrassed

At the school gates this morning, she sees some girls who she's friends with, and instead of approaching and saying hello, she jumps up right in their faces and makes weird noises at them.

The bit that stands out for me here is the jumping "right in their faces".

There is a massive difference between a child jumping around, making a noise, pretending to be an animal in the open playground vs the same behaviour in another child's personal space. If she really is "right in their faces", this might well pretty off-putting behaviour, and is something tangible that you can help her with.

It’s a good opportunity to do some social role model stuff with her. Regardless of the rights and wrongs of it, kids who behave outside of the social norms do get judged.

Also I’d agree that the last two years have massively affected all children but at her age she’s missed a lot of the stage where children become more aware of their interactions. Again doing some social play at home will really help regardless of whether she sees or doesn’t have any additional needs.

She sounds cute by the way.

[quote themerrywifeofwindsor]@NameChangedAgain5953 please do jog on dear...where did I badmouth autism?? Yes I'm so vile, I feel terrible about feeling this way and want to deal with it sensitively![/quote]
You said she's weird and that you suspect autism in the same post.
People are going to get offended by that.

My DD (5) is frequently 'a kitty' and can be very 'extra' and in your face. I think it's within the range of normal at this age. It can take them a while to learn to read others reactions and tone things down a bit

[quote themerrywifeofwindsor]@NameChangedAgain5953 please do jog on dear...where did I badmouth autism?? Yes I'm so vile, I feel terrible about feeling this way and want to deal with it sensitively![/quote]
And you should feel bad.

You have literally just said you feel embarrassed by your daughter behaviour and that's she's weird and then in your next post said you think she's on the spectrum. Is that not bad mouthing?

I apologise to anyone who I have offended!

No need for name calling though.....

Reminds me of my youngest DS. Was the same at that age, I put it down to immaturity and personality. Now he's 8, and still behaves the same, turns out he's probably autistic. Still lovely. But very little social sense.

There's no way to tell if your DD is just young, or a bit "special".
But either way, shame doesn't help.

COLONEL BRANDON - (Sense & Sensibility)
I knew a lady like your sister--the
same impulsive sweetness of temper--
who was forced into, as you put it,
a better acquaintance with the world.
The result was only ruination and
despair.

Wow this thread is an eye opener ‘normal’ ‘a bit special’. I have 3 neuro typical DC and one neuro diverse. How saddening to think that people would describe her as ‘a bit special’ in 2021.

I’d never be ashamed of my DC behaviour unless they were horrible bullies or ignorant small minded people. I remember my mum telling me how to behave and act and my face still flushes with shame at some of the dressing downs I got.

She sounds cute !

My son is severely autistic and I would certainly describe him as 'weird' btw. Endearingly weird.

@HailAdrian she is, she's totally adorable, I just want everyone to love her as much as I do and my heart breaks at the thought of the other kids being mean to her!

Until he was about 7 my DS greeted everyone with (growling) ‘I’mmmmm Batmaaaaan’. He’d probably still do it now if he thought he could get away with it.

Honestly, you sound absolutely horrible calling your daughter weird and saying people were looking at her like she was a weirdo.

Maybe next time you see a child acting like she did this morning, you’d have more compassion, empathy and understanding. If this is something your daughter does every morning, maybe talk to her teachers to see how she behaves in the classroom, consider if she needs to be assessed, etc. ]

But do drop the word weird and weirdo from the vocabulary of words you use to describe people.

I’ve clicked YANBU because my DS (also 5) does this sort of thing. He doesn’t do it with friends he knows (he’d run up to them and say hi etc) but he often acts the complete clown with some classmates (I’ve noticed it’s mainly girls) and also some teachers, he wouldn’t go in their face but instead of saying good morning he’ll make a silly noise or whatever.

I think it’s very weird, as you say I notice NO other child doing this sort of thing. I suspect my DS isn’t 100% neurotypical and it’s little things like this that make me think it.

So I don’t think YABU at all to think it’s a bit weird and be embarrassed, I find it excruciatingly embarrassing too sometimes but I just try and act cool!

It's so embarrassing!! And I don't want to be embarrassed by my DD.

Embarrassed in front of who? Your loyalty is to your DD not random strangers or school mums.

That you are embarrassed says more about your own social anxieties than it does about her behaviour being unusual- she sounds fine! She’s only 5, and has an imagination and no inhibitions yet, let her be and accept her and maybe ask yourself why you are embarrassed- why are you so self conscious? Try not to pass your own issues on to your little girl.

And I wouldn’t be embarrassed if my child acted as your DD did. If it was a regular thing, I’d be concerned there’s not an underlying reason for such behaviour and would step up to the plate and get professional advice and be the best possible advocate for them.

You have a lively child who feels free to be herself. She has years ahead to feel repressed and bound by social convention. Enjoy her carefree antics.

I wonder could she maybe find friendships are a bit hard and not really know how to be with her friends? My daughter who’s 9 can be a bit quirky at times in group social situations but over time we’ve realised she just doesn’t know To interact sometimes so comes out with some slightly bizarre behaviour. It’s hard for kids to just slip into a group and join in. It’s possibly just her way of being noticed?!

@Dontstepinthecowpat

Wow this thread is an eye opener ‘normal’ ‘a bit special’. I have 3 neuro typical DC and one neuro diverse. How saddening to think that people would describe her as ‘a bit special’ in 2021.

I’d never be ashamed of my DC behaviour unless they were horrible bullies or ignorant small minded people. I remember my mum telling me how to behave and act and my face still flushes with shame at some of the dressing downs I got.

This

You should put your daughters feelings before strangers opinions

@NameChangedAgain5953

Did you really just call your 5 year old weird and say you're embarrassed by her? You're vile

Exactly what I thought.

My nephew does things like this (he's 7). The school advised he go for some assessments as he was struggling with socially appropriate behaviour. I think it was a psychologist who said his emotional development is quite far behind his peers, that of a 3 year old, and a lot of what he does is attention seeking. He doesn't quite grasp how to get attention in an age appropriate way yet. But no other diagnosis and he's doing play therapy to bring him on.

It sounds like fairly normal 5 year old behaviour. Although I appreciate not every one wants someone jumping and in their face and equally at 5 they don't have the tools to say 'please don't do that' as we would.

My DD is 6 and was/is similar, she's also summer born and almost a year younger than some of her classmates which is sometimes more obvious because of her behaviour (lockdown didn't help with her social skills either!).

I do find some kids act older than their years and can mock those acting like an average 5yo. It makes me quite sad seeing DDs classmates of 5/6/7 dressed in cropped everything, makeup on and on tiktok.
At the same time, it appears from a terrifyingly young age children are being judged and mocked for not 'fitting' so a degree of helping them navigate isn't U. My DD was made fun of by a boy in her class for liking Pokemon! She joined with some of the boys playing a Pokémon game and one was awful about it, to the point she won't even play the TCG at home anymore.