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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grandma present to teenage grandson for his birthday

236 replies

wobblywinelover · 12/11/2021 04:05

My parents have given my son £50, an unwrapped options hot chocolate she got from the supermarket on the way to my place, some mince pies (wrapped as a gift) and some fudge also wrapped. He's 15. She said she didn't want to get him too much food as she knows he struggles with his weight (why buy him food items at all then) I can't help but think that apart from the money this is a strange present for a 15 year old boy. She hasn't even wrapped the hot chocolate and it was shoved in the gift bag at the last minute. I know they weren't sure what to get him but I think just giving him the money or an xbox voucher would have been better. Mince pies?!! The other grandparents have bought him thoughtful gifts they know he will like, which are tailored to his interests. I'm prepared to be flamed for this but I'm just thinking 🧐 how odd. For added context they are not hard up for cash and I know its the thought that counts but I'm not sure what to make of this. What do others think?

OP posts:
CatsArePeople · 12/11/2021 08:14

YABU
£50 is fair enough, he can buy the xbox card himself
food items - reasonable. Even if he doesn't eat them all himself - someone else in the household will.
Wrapping - hello environment and climate?

Sally872 · 12/11/2021 08:16

Well done grandma. Lovely gift.

£50 is the presents the other bits are something to have in day, small tokens. Stop overthinking it.

Often a gift bag instead if gift warp. Very peculiar thing to be annoyed about. I would wrap for a small child but not often for an adult or older child.

NineCmNails · 12/11/2021 08:16

OP the majority on here subscribe to the never look a gift horse in the mouth theory. There was a very long, now deleted thread last week about a soon to be 16 year old that allegedly complained about her combined £150 birthday and Christmas present budget from her DPs. Pages and pages of responses calling her ungrateful and undeserving of any present. So puritan.

Standard Options hot chocolate that is readily available to your son at home is a strange addition to the gift bag. At least it will be consumed.

Kuachui · 12/11/2021 08:17

my grandma always gives us something old and dusty that shes found in her house/attic so i would be delighted with £50.
i remember once getting a hair braiding kit from the charity shop with the £2.50 sticker on.... i was 17

BUT i never held it against her, it was something my family knew she did and would laugh about

ErickBroch · 12/11/2021 08:19

YABU the £50 is the gift.

Jumpalicious · 12/11/2021 08:19

Thoughtless ref all the food. A generally thoughtless present but since it’s a lot of money it seems “ok”. You’re upset because it’s clear your parents aren’t really thinking about your son (the food side is particularly thoughtless). I get it. I know this is hardly akin to child abuse, but the point is that it’s not the sign of a warm thoughtful parent, and you know you’d spend more effort with other people’s bdays.

My mum is same. she gets my brother to transfer some cash into my account and that’s it (if she remembers). She probably thinks she’s so generous, done her bit etc. In fact, she knows nothing about my kids…

Pippi1970 · 12/11/2021 08:19

OP the majority on here subscribe to the never look a gift horse in the mouth theory

I don't believe half of it tbh. All the RL parents I know would look askance at a box of mince pies and an options hot chocolate, they would almost certainly smile over it rather than berate their child for not being delighted.

PeanuttyButter · 12/11/2021 08:21

I think you are looking to find fault here OP. Even if he is struggling with his weight that doesn't mean he can't have treats, it's his birthday ffs.
So what if they don't seem 'gifty' the 50quid is the main part this is just some little extras.

Soontobe60 · 12/11/2021 08:22

My adult kids get random stuff from my DM for birthdays and Christmas. They think it’s hilarious and it’s a talking point amongst all the cousins. She’d get them everything the OP has listed - without the £50 though! I’ve had the same birthday card from her 3 years running 🤣.

caringcarer · 12/11/2021 08:25

My 15 year old would be very pleased with that gift. He loves those sachets of hot chocolate.

PloughedMeadow · 12/11/2021 08:26

I regularly give money and token item(s) including food. Don't see the problem if the food is what people enjoy then it is eaten and does not become clutter....

Pippi1970 · 12/11/2021 08:29

@caringcarer

My 15 year old would be very pleased with that gift. He loves those sachets of hot chocolate.
So why not just buy them for him as part of the weekly shop?
5128gap · 12/11/2021 08:39

OP, you know full well that its an unusual gift for a teenager. But I can't believe this is the first time you've experienced different generations misjudging each others tastes, happens all the time, as you well know. At 15 if you've brought him up properly your son will no doubt express appropriate gratitude whatever his private thought, so I'm not sure what the issue is. Do you suspect malice? Or just want an audience to poke fun at her?

RobertsRadio · 12/11/2021 08:40

Unless they know your son really, really likes mince pies and hot chocolate it does seem a bit of an odd, random choice. I would just have bought a box of chocolates as an extra, but the main present of £50 is generous and I would just be glad they did that for my son.

Summerfun54321 · 12/11/2021 08:40

I always ask for tat free birthday gifts for my kids because why does anyone need more stuff they don’t actually use? If we all bought less stuff the world would be a better place. Money and food are perfect gifts in my opinion, I wish everyone would give only those things to my kids. Either that or money to charity.

diddl · 12/11/2021 08:41

He doesn't have to eat the food gifts though.

He can give them away or share them.

Mince pies are maybe a bit random-but they could be saved for the family for Christmas.

Sounds as if she thought the the 50 wasn't enough & panic bought.

Would just the 50 & the fudge have been better?

diddl · 12/11/2021 08:42

Forgot to ask-is your son upset by it?

Candycotton · 12/11/2021 08:44

my nan is even more random, she makes my partner a fruit cake every birthday and Christmas despite having been told he doesnt like fruit cake more than once 😂

maybe your sons gran thinks hot chocolate and mince pie are nice foodie bits that are a nod towards the season we are now in. would be odd in the summer I suppose but I think it's quite sweet given its autumn/winter. btw, your son also gets double the money I do for my birthday from my grandparents so I think just a thank you is more than suffice!

UpThePodge · 12/11/2021 08:46

It's part of growing up , getting random presents from GPs , embrace it Grin

Newmumatlast · 12/11/2021 08:52

@rrhuth

you'd take a 15 year old shopping. ? unless you live in the outback. he's 15 not 5.

I get on well with my kids, and we sometimes go into town. They can spend it when in town with their friends if they want.

Don't look for the issue when none exists.

My mum would take me shopping at 15. Tbf I'd go shopping with her at any age. Went with friends too but I liked my mum as a teen (and now) so do course we did stuff together.
Pippi1970 · 12/11/2021 08:53

I go shopping with all mine - from 15 to 22! They sometimes go with friends but often with me.

Hedgehog123 · 12/11/2021 08:54

I think what may have happened is that they thought the money alone seemed a bit dull or 'cold' as a present an tried to jazz it up a bit with the food. Food is often a good way to buy non -tat as it'll probably be eaten even if not by the person getting the gift. It was obviously the wrong thing to do for you and they would have been better off just giving money.

This is something I do when giving money to teens I'll also add a bag of sweets or some chocolate just so they have an actual object to open as well as the cash - I'm re-thinking it now tbh!

Newmumatlast · 12/11/2021 08:55

OP I think the mince pies are a bit odd and the sachet of options however perhaps those are things they think he likes. I often get my husband and child a main gift (here, your son's was the £50) and then a couple of random bits they like which aren't necessarily expensive. Like husband's favourite shower gel and favourite sweets so I dont think in principle the gift is odd

JumparooSavedMyLife · 12/11/2021 08:55

Gosh you sound so ungrateful, the gift is the money, the other bits are just extras. My parents have given me money for birthdays from around the same age, they usually get a box of chocolates (and wine once I was older). I don't understand why you are complaining? It's so hard to buy for teens.

Pippi1970 · 12/11/2021 08:56

@JumparooSavedMyLife

Gosh you sound so ungrateful, the gift is the money, the other bits are just extras. My parents have given me money for birthdays from around the same age, they usually get a box of chocolates (and wine once I was older). I don't understand why you are complaining? It's so hard to buy for teens.
It's not that hard to buy for teens. It's fine to be a bit Confused at mince pies and a sachet of options. It doesn't make the OP at all ungrateful.