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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was the primary teacher unreasonable?

90 replies

Bananarama21 · 11/11/2021 20:10

So I'm a school swimming teacher and been covering the mornings aswell as working the afternoon school swimming and learn 2 swim. Ds5 reading book day changed from Friday to Thursday. I forgot his bag and utilmately he was not giving a treat and watched as all the kids recieved one due to this. DS burst into tears, he's on the spectrum and can have a melt down. Previously he struggled with lockdowns and ended up going back in. When he returned to school it was a struggle to actually get him into the building and was a felt often having a melt down. The teacher explained the reason for no treat to my auntie. I work closely with primary schools and teach many children with various learning disabilities and would never conduct myself in that way especially 5 years old. I feel this might be a set back for him as he has started being reluctant going into school. Teacher is aware of his history.

OP posts:
CoffeeAndDryShampoo · 11/11/2021 20:17

I think the whole treat idea is unfair, especially for 5 year olds who probably aren't in charge of remembering their book bags! I would be angry if my child was singled out and penalised for something that was essentially my fault! It makes both the child and parent feel like crap.

Soontobe60 · 11/11/2021 20:19

Just horrible!
I’d phone the school, speak to the Head. Point out that as it’s generally the parents fault if the book bag / PE kit / home work isn’t sent in on time with a 5 yr old, why is the child being punished?

Original poster
Bananarama21 · 11/11/2021 20:20

I think so DS doesn't understand why he hasn't got a treat and everyone had, plus all the other kids witnessed ds not getting anything and becoming upset. I'm concerned this will set him back about coming to school as he was a struggle to get him through the gates.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 11/11/2021 20:21

The childcare being punished, he just wasn't being rewarded.

Original poster
Bananarama21 · 11/11/2021 20:30

For those that voted yabu can I ask why?

OP posts:
CoffeeAndDryShampoo · 11/11/2021 20:31

I think a five year old child, especially one on the autistic spectrum, may not be able to see the difference between being punished and just not be rewarded, especially witnessing all his other classmates receiving treats right in front of him.

LethargicActress · 11/11/2021 20:35

What was the treat?

If it was something like a sticker for doing the reading at home or remembering to put books in the right place or something like that and your ds couldn’t take part because he didn’t have his books, then yabu.

Aren’t they supposed to have their books in every day anyway?

Original poster
Bananarama21 · 11/11/2021 20:38

Was sweets,no they take them home for the week they swapped days from Friday to thursdays.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 11/11/2021 20:40

I’m a bit lost on the swimming?

The reading book day change is irrelevant. Children shouldn’t be punished (being left out of a reward) for something they’re too young to control.

Sam020 · 11/11/2021 20:42

Wow that's cruel. Even if it was the child's responsibility I wouldn't want a child to be singled out for making a mistake. I keep forgetting to put the right books in Ds book bag or to sign his reading record but I'd be heartbroken if he got punished for that. I'd have a word with the teacher

Original poster
Bananarama21 · 11/11/2021 20:42

I'm a swimming teacher so teach children with additional needs its not something I'd do by excluding a child . I've being covering the morning shift and forgot his bag in the process of trying to get out of the door.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 11/11/2021 20:42

What was the treat for?
Remembering your book bag, or a certain amount of reading - which he couldn’t evidence because he didn’t have the bag?
I’m totally opposed (as in my last post) to punishing for not having the bag, at his age.
I’m less against them giving a treat for something like 3 reads being completed - though I’m still opposed to it as being more about the parents.

Original poster
Bananarama21 · 11/11/2021 20:44

For remembering to bring the book in on the new day.

OP posts:
Russell19 · 11/11/2021 20:44

Bet you won't forget again.

It's very harsh but done its job.

Cocomarine · 11/11/2021 20:45

@Bananarama21

I'm a swimming teacher so teach children with additional needs its not something I'd do by excluding a child . I've being covering the morning shift and forgot his bag in the process of trying to get out of the door.
If you do speak to his teacher, leave all that out. Everyone has reasons they forget things. It’s not about why you forgot to send him with his book bag, it’s about rewards (and therefore punishments) being based on parent behaviour.
Cocomarine · 11/11/2021 20:45

@Bananarama21

For remembering to bring the book in on the new day.
So it was a one off treat, to get some pester power going to remind parents that there was a new book bag day?
Original poster
Bananarama21 · 11/11/2021 20:46

Russell19 what it's done is upset a child with additional needs who doesn't understand. Who struggles going through the gates some days. Not like my 13 year old forgetting pe kit is it?

OP posts:
hotmeatymilk · 11/11/2021 20:47

Bet you won't forget again.

It's very harsh but done its job
Jesus. OP forgot the books. But it’s her kid who gets the harshness and the punishment – and yes, not getting sweets when everyone else does is a punishment, not a “just not rewarded”. Doesn’t mean she won’t forget again; life is busy. Kids shouldn’t be rewarded/punished for stuff when they’re at an age where it’s the parent’s responsibility, it isn’t fair on anyone.

Cofifeefee · 11/11/2021 20:49

This has made me so angry! What is wrong with that teacher!

Honestly I would wonder about the humanity of a teacher that intentionally excludes a 5 year old from a treat.

I would definitely call the school and speak to the head and ask what the school policy is on this and if the policy actually does condone exclusion of 5 year olds, I would do whatever needed doing to get the policy changed.

I hope your ds is ok.

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 11/11/2021 20:51

YANBU, how cruel to punish a kid for parents mistake.

Cocomarine · 11/11/2021 20:51

The teacher could so easily have made it, “now if I can count 25 books and know that my class has had a really a good try at remembering, we can all have a treat!”
Same result, none of the unfairness and upset.

Howshouldibehave · 11/11/2021 20:52

They gave out sweets for bringing in book bags? Are they a ‘healthy school’?!

Original poster
Bananarama21 · 11/11/2021 20:53

Cofifeefee He was quite upset bless him, we will have to wait to see how he handles going in tomorrow at the gates.

OP posts:
impossible · 11/11/2021 20:54

Definitely speak to the school. Fair enough if they want to have a word with you as you made the mistake but it's completely wrong to punish a small child for for his parent's mistake.

I'd also speak to your dc and make it clear it was your mistake and you will be making up for lost treat - or perhaps you could make a joke of it and let him choose something silly for you to do (plus give him a treat).

NovacDino · 11/11/2021 20:55

As a teacher I think it's absolutely crazy to be rewarding children with sweets for bring their reading books to school. I would never do that. I also would never punish a child for forgetting their reading books one day. I have children who often forget to bring them on book changing days, I just ask them to try and remember to bring it the following day. You should contact the school about it really, especially given his additional needs.