Was the primary teacher unreasonable?

[Bananarama21]

So I'm a school swimming teacher and been covering the mornings aswell as working the afternoon school swimming and learn 2 swim. Ds5 reading book day changed from Friday to Thursday. I forgot his bag and utilmately he was not giving a treat and watched as all the kids recieved one due to this. DS burst into tears, he's on the spectrum and can have a melt down. Previously he struggled with lockdowns and ended up going back in. When he returned to school it was a struggle to actually get him into the building and was a felt often having a melt down. The teacher explained the reason for no treat to my auntie. I work closely with primary schools and teach many children with various learning disabilities and would never conduct myself in that way especially 5 years old. I feel this might be a set back for him as he has started being reluctant going into school. Teacher is aware of his history.

Yep. I’d be willing to be “that parent” on this one.

In ni world is it ok to punish the child for the failings of a parent. (And I use “failings” in a very light way)

That is so cruel and unhelpful and wrong in so many ways. I am a teacher, I am genuinely shocked to hear this.

Stupid bloody school, why do they have a book change day? Take a book, read it, bring back when done. Otherwise if you read quickly you have a wait all week for a new book. And if you're very slow you don't finish it.

I think I'd complain more about that really.

It isn't great. At that age the person doing the remembering is the adult at home! I teach upper primary and am very aware of stuff like this. She should have been able to get round this. E.g. Oh dear mummy forgot but she will definitely bring it in tomorrow. Let's go and get your treat for tomorrow.

To the person who asked why have a book change day: because to change a class of 30 children's books takes an hour and maybe they only have a spare pair of hands to do the job once a week?

YANBU but this is Mumsnet and you cannot criticise a teacher at all.

YANBU

Even aside from SEN, 5 year olds aren’t in charge of whether they have everything they need for school, it’s not their fault if a parent forgets something

@HunterHearstHelmsley

YANBU but this is Mumsnet and you cannot criticise a teacher at all.

Oh not this twaddle again 🙄 So how comes 77% of the vote is with the OP? And the majority of the comments.

What a shitty way to behave! So, they're basically rewarding the child for something the parent has remembered to do - how many 5 year olds would have remembered their book without prompting, FFS? All they've done is upset a 5 year old because of an innocent mistake made by his mother, which is compounded by them knowing he's on the spectrum. Totally unacceptable!

Hmm. I would be upset, but we all take things to do with our kids very personally. To me it depends on the circumstances.

If the it were something like this: teacher states beforehand " for everyone who brings back their reading book on Thursday, there will be a treat". Then yabu, as to change the rules would be unfair on those who followed the instruction.

However, if it was more like this: on the Thursday teacher states "well done to everyone who brought your books back, I have a treat for you " then yanbu. As she hadnt set the rule beforehand, and could have realistically adapted to include your dc, w/o making it unfair on the others.

There's a big difference. Either way, I don't blame your son for being upset, it must have been hard to be left out.

I'm so sad for him. To watch all his classmates get sweets and him be singled out for something that's out of his control. It's not right, and an awful way to treat children.

@Russell19

Bet you won't forget again.

It's very harsh but done its job.

A 5-year-old autistic child gets punished for something that wasn't his fault, and you think that's fair and reasonable of the teacher?

Horrible and cruel

@RedHelenB

The childcare being punished, he just wasn't being rewarded.

Being deprived of a treat that the child sees everyone else getting is a punishment

@FreshFancyFrogglette

Hmm. I would be upset, but we all take things to do with our kids very personally. To me it depends on the circumstances.

If the it were something like this: teacher states beforehand " for everyone who brings back their reading book on Thursday, there will be a treat". Then yabu, as to change the rules would be unfair on those who followed the instruction.

However, if it was more like this: on the Thursday teacher states "well done to everyone who brought your books back, I have a treat for you " then yanbu. As she hadnt set the rule beforehand, and could have realistically adapted to include your dc, w/o making it unfair on the others.

There's a big difference. Either way, I don't blame your son for being upset, it must have been hard to be left out.

No - because any teacher should be aware that at this age it will be down to the parents. Teachers should also be aware of the need to make adjustments for children whose learning difficulties may mean they can’t process or remember instructions or who may have organisational difficulties.

so a parent forgets a book bag the child gets punished

no dont understand the logic there

Totally with you OP, your child should not be penalised for what is essentially the parents responsibility.

One thing, I do find annoying is rewards for 100% attendance, rewarding someone for not been in turn penalises those for being ill. Again out of the kids hands!

Totally with you OP, your child should not be penalised for what is essentially the parents responsibility

One thing, I do find annoying is rewards for 100% attendance, rewarding someone for not being ill, in turn penalises those for being ill. Again out of the kids hands!

I disagree with you. You can't expect teachers to reward students who haven't done their homework or what is required- though I do question their healthy schools policy if they are giving sweets out as homework treats. My daughters school gives out stickers and there is a tally of class percentage of doing homework on school news letter (no names) except for one student in each class who is noted for doing well.

You not the school were the one who let him down by not being organised. Yes you forgot which isn't the end of the world. I would when he got home and didn't get a treat, sort out a special home treat and apologise to him for not being organised.

Finally you can't expect the school to bend the rules, you would be the first to complain if your son was treated differently because of his learning needs.

I'd take issue with the school giving out sweets as a reward for anything! But this isn't something a child of 5 should be rewarded for as really it'll be parents responsible for remembering their book bag

Littlepaws18 you are aware he's 5 with additional needs and doesn't understand why everyone got a treat and he didn't and that some days it's a struggle to get him through the door. It was a punishment and caused a meltdown he was in tears it completely unfair.

it's mean but she has made a rod for her own back: if you have the book you get the treat, if you don't have the book you can't have a treat. Giving kids, SEN or not, a treat when they don't have the book sends the wrong message. So in that respect, yabu.

However. English schools are batshit, wrong colour coat in winter? detention/sent home. Something sugary in your lunchbox? Stroppy notes home/taken off the child. And then: giving out sweets for reading.

In your shoes: I'd get on to the teacher and head and question the treat and the nature of the treat and the especial bastardness of doing that to a 5 year old (SEN or not) in front of their classmates.

Completely wrong. And why aren't they a healthy school? Sweets indeed!

Perhaps this was an exercise in encouraging independence. In which case to go back on something agreed beforehand would be confusing, and counter productive.

I understand were op is coming from, but it's possible to say whether the teacher is being UR without knowing the circumstances..

Even without additional needs it is cruel to do that to a 5 year old.