Was the primary teacher unreasonable?

[Bananarama21]

So I'm a school swimming teacher and been covering the mornings aswell as working the afternoon school swimming and learn 2 swim. Ds5 reading book day changed from Friday to Thursday. I forgot his bag and utilmately he was not giving a treat and watched as all the kids recieved one due to this. DS burst into tears, he's on the spectrum and can have a melt down. Previously he struggled with lockdowns and ended up going back in. When he returned to school it was a struggle to actually get him into the building and was a felt often having a melt down. The teacher explained the reason for no treat to my auntie. I work closely with primary schools and teach many children with various learning disabilities and would never conduct myself in that way especially 5 years old. I feel this might be a set back for him as he has started being reluctant going into school. Teacher is aware of his history.

It was needlessly unkind of the teacher. Far too harsh to exclude a 5 year old. Apart from that, I thought most primaries had banned sweets these days.

That’s crap - at my kids school 1) they don’t give out sweets as a reward (wtf?!) and 2) they reward children’s actual behaviour or work - trying hard, sitting nicely, being a good friend or whatever, differentiated by what they are capable of. They don’t reward or punish the child for what their adult did or forgot, especially trivial nonsense like a reading book day, they’d just change the book the next day. If it was that flipping important they wouldn’t change PE, book bag etc days every five minutes (SAHM who struggles to keep up with the ever changing days and demands and messages from schools.)

@Soontobe60

Just horrible! I’d phone the school, speak to the Head. Point out that as it’s generally the parents fault if the book bag / PE kit / home work isn’t sent in on time with a 5 yr old, why is the child being punished?

Me too

Poor little mite. That's a rotten thing for anyone to do to a small child. I hope it won't upset him as regards returning to school.

I hate treats and rewards for things like this, especially when it’s young children. Essentially your treating\punishing children for their parents.

My daughters 5 too and they give out treats for kids who continually read 5 times per week. I don’t see how that helps children whose home life is chaotic, whose parents can’t read etc….not like 5 year olds are reminding themselves to read. Just punishing/ rewarding on basis of how on the ball their parent is.

@RedHelenB

The childcare being punished, he just wasn't being rewarded.

It's the same thing to a 5 year old. It is a punishment because of the way that makes them feel. Hardly a 5 year olds fault that their bag isn't packed properly (no judgement on you there OP, I forget things all the time).

This is the meanness that makes me want to home school. My mum brought me late to primary school often and every time the teacher stood me up at the front of the class and made a spectacle of me about it. I hate that they punish kids for things they obviously can't help

The whole concept of the "reward" for something outside the children's control is ridiculous, and the problem is this indicates the teacher's lack of awareness sbout how to motivate and care for 5 year olds. I would be genuinely worried about the coming year, how regular this sort of thing will be. Is it worth considering looking at other schools, you might find a much better fit elsewhere? yanbu.

I would be more annoyed about sweets as a reward tbh

But I do agree with you

V cruel. Even if he wasn't on the spectrum I'd be very annoyed. He's only 5. Xx

Also I am sure the teacher forgets things at times - you could ask her what punishment she metes on herself each time.

I don't think you need to be a swimming teacher or have experience of SN to recognise that treats for something they have no control over is a pointless bribe motivator for 5 year old children. I mean a good half the class probably don't reliably remember what day it is in the morning anyway!

Unfortunately a lot of this goes on at my child’s school but I think they are just too young to understand. I always tell my child it’s mummy’s fault if something like that happens.
I’ve never complained to the school because my child just sucks it up but if they were upset, I’d be ‘that parent’. Without a doubt.

Awww poor little boy…I cannot understand why schools do things like this when ultimately it’s down to the parents (sorry OP). It reminds me of that awful Michaela school making the decision to separate kids whose parents hadn’t paid for their meals and making them sit in a separate room with a sandwich. It’s not the kids fault so don’t exclude them!

I think this is very cruel.

Aside from issues around special needs, I know it's often very clear at this age which children have parents who neglect them, or who are unable to care for them properly. Some children will already be on the back foot, because their parent will never remember the reading book (not just forget it once). Their parent will never read with them. It may be their parent can't read, or can't read well enough to teach a child. And those children are going into school with a huge disadvantage. Everything should be done to create a level playing field for them. Rewarding children for bringing their books to school is the absolute opposite of that.

OP, if you have the energy to complain, please do!

My initial reaction is for a 5-year-old this is out of order. Even a little treat like a sticker means a lot at that age.
But in the secret life programmes they did give out prizes to some young kids and not others. But they used it as a learning opportunity for the kids and it did work.
However that hasn't happened with your DS. It has made him not want to go to school so it hasn't helped him at all.

are you even allowed to take the book bag in late? my son left his pe kit at home i offered to take it in they said no i said well at least you cant punish him they said they could i said no because he has arranged to get his kit in time for the lesson you are refusing to allow me to give it to him therefore its your fault he has no pe kit they tried saying it was because of "covid" i pointed out that he lived in my house the kit would be coming from my house him meeting me at the school gate to grab his kit posed the same risk of covid as him bringing it to school in the first place i would not be on school property he would not be leaving school property therefore no extra risk i wasn't allowed to drop it off but he wasn't punished for no kit either as it was "out of character" for him to forget

@Russell19

Bet you won't forget again.

It's very harsh but done its job.

Are you always so lacking in empathy? He's 5 with additional needs.

I’m a primary teacher and I think leaving a child of 5 out of a treat for something they have no control over is a punishment. Even if he wasn’t autistic . Please complain to HT this is not ok .

I’m a teacher and I’d say that using sweets as a reward system for anything (especially things out of their control) is pretty poor.
Is the teacher an NQT? If so, I understand the error in their practice being down to inexperience and a quiet word with them. If they’re experienced I’d say that’s a chat with the head.

*have a quiet word with them.

You catch my drift. Small baby sleep deprivation leads to brain mush.

Yeah, that's shit. At his age he has no control over it, it is down to parents. No school I have worked in would ever do this to a 5 yr old.

I was a pretty tough year 6 teacher and this would be a step too far even at ten!

5 years old? Totally unreasonable and horrible

Thanks guys you've confirmed my thoughts. She is known to be a strict teacher and gives piles of homework for years 1 its crazy it's trying to remembereverything for certain days for each child. I think she's been qualified afor afew years maybe 5.

First thing to do is talk to the teacher and ask her to clarify the system (I'm guessing at the mo it's your DS that's told you what happened today?).

Once that's been clarified, you can then complain, but I'd give the teacher the chance to explain it first.