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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with MiL?

82 replies

Thistledew · 11/11/2021 18:46

For driving DS unsecured in her car?

She picked him up from school for the first time in a while and found that the straps on his car seat were too tight to do up. Rather than a) phoning DH or I for help/to collect him, b) asking someone at the school for help adjusting the straps, or even c) buckling him in with one of the adult seat belts, she drove him home with him just sitting on the car seat but with no restraint. The journey is only 10 mins but is partly along a main road and partly along single track rural roads which at the moment are frequented by large farm machinery harvesting sugar beet and potatoes.

I have trust issues with her at the moment, which may be souring my view, but AIBU to be angry with her and concerned at her poor decision making?

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 11/11/2021 19:07

If she was my MIL she would never be taking him anywhere again. In fact we did have a conversation years ago about whether a car seat was necessary or not - ‘can’t he just sit in the back, it’s only a short distance.’ DH dealt with it very well. Let’s say they understood our views and what the law says afterwards.

TaraR2020 · 11/11/2021 19:16

Yanbu

Original poster
Thistledew · 11/11/2021 19:17

It would cause considerable upset if I refused to allow her to collect DS again, and to be fair, she does understand the need for children to be restrained, it's just that she didn't think to choose any other option than letting him sit unrestrained on this occasion.

OP posts:
Mamamia7962 · 11/11/2021 19:17

Of course you're not being unreasonable, just make sure that in future she knows that if she finds herself in this situation again that she either rings you or your husband.

WinniesHunny · 11/11/2021 19:26

It would cause considerable upset if the selfish bitch caused harm or worse to your little lad due to her sheer fucking laziness.

CuriousBogInTheNight · 11/11/2021 19:30

I can't believe you are even considering letting her pick your child up again.
"It would cause considerable upset" if you don't let her pick him up again... Well she should have thought about that before she put your child at risk.
Stand up for your child. This was not ok.

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 11/11/2021 19:37

How old is DS

DartmoorChef · 11/11/2021 19:38

How old is he? If he's 5 you may be reasonable.. if he's 15 maybe not

Skeumorph · 11/11/2021 19:44

Considerable upset sounds just what the doctor ordered.

Seriously, this is one of those occasions where you absolutely need to go so batshit that your DH fully realised exactly who your DS’s mum is, and that his mum right now is a hair’s breadth away from not being able to see him at all. For quite a while.

She does not collect him again for a fucking long time. Quite a while after the enormous apology which I trust is coming your way right now.

Considerable upset… OP, if this was me right now she’d be more upset than she’s ever been in her life by the time I’d finished ripping her a new one.

BadwordMcGee · 11/11/2021 19:49

Yanbu.

Thatsplentyjack · 11/11/2021 19:52

🤣 there was a thread very similar to this the other day but instead of a mil it was another parent that was lending a hand. The OP was told she was ridiculous and she needed to calm down because it wasn't a big deal, but hey, this one's about an evil bitvh mil so she needs to be burned at the stake 🤣

nettytree · 11/11/2021 20:06

Has you mil actually been shown how to do it up. My dad was very confused over them, til we went thru it step by step.

Remy7 · 11/11/2021 20:11

I'd be absolutely furious. It is not ok for any distance, ever.
I'm glad she seems to understand the need for them overall though x

MinnieGirl · 11/11/2021 20:15

@WinniesHunny

It would cause considerable upset if the selfish bitch caused harm or worse to your little lad due to her sheer fucking laziness.
This

Your child could have been killed due to her negligence. She would never have my child in her car again. I wouldn’t care how upset she was, better that than a dead child

Assssssssssss · 11/11/2021 20:19

You should be furious though by not talking to her about this and letting her get away with it on this what you confirmed as one occasion is you avoiding confrontation and quite lazy on your behalf. You need to step up as this is your child's safety at stake.

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 11/11/2021 20:21

@Thistledew Of course YANBU! If your MIL had a crash or someone hit her from behind or she breaked sharply your son could have been seriously hurt during that 10 minute drive would you have thought about not causing upset then?

If I were in this situation that would be the last time she ever had my son unsupervised fuck the upset it'll cause maybe she'll learn her lesson when there's consequences to her careless actions!

Happyhappyday · 11/11/2021 20:28

My otherwise safety conscious dad regularly doesn’t tighten DD’s car seat straps (she’s 3) and it makes me so angry. I told him if I unbuckled her again that state they wouldn’t be driving her again. And I get on really well with my parents,

nancydrew · 11/11/2021 20:30

It’s good that you know what happened, I assume that she told you rather than not disclose. Surely this is a conversation for your DH? Will he be able to make her understand why this was wrong and what she must do if there is a safety issue again? It is shocking and I appreciate how upset you must be.

Beetlebum1981 · 11/11/2021 20:32

I can't believe she didn't even put a seat belt on him - there's absolutely no excuse.

Original poster
Thistledew · 11/11/2021 20:32

DS told me first of all. He is 5.

OP posts:
Chubbycatt · 11/11/2021 20:33

It was only 10mins, the child is fine.

I wouldn't be that bothered but I don't have a MiL and I think that I don't understand how irrational people get with their mils.

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/11/2021 20:34

Nope, beyond the pale. She wouldn’t be driving mine anywhere else again.

Why the hell didn’t she just ask you?

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/11/2021 20:38

Today 20:33 Chubbycatt

It was only 10mins, the child is fine.

I wouldn't be that bothered but I don't have a MiL and I think that I don't understand how irrational people get with their mils.”

Nonsense. I’m a MIL. I would never do this because it’s stupidly dangerous.

I don’t know how old you are but before the seatbelt campaign, a huge number of people were seriously injured and disfigured during journeys less than 10 minutes. It’s one of the statistics that promotes the campaign.

If you genuinely wouldn’t be bothered, you need to take a look online at some of the ads for that campaign, featuring damaged people who were just driving “up the road” and left disabled or scarred for life.

iheartredsquirrels · 11/11/2021 20:39

@Thatsplentyjack

🤣 there was a thread very similar to this the other day but instead of a mil it was another parent that was lending a hand. The OP was told she was ridiculous and she needed to calm down because it wasn't a big deal, but hey, this one's about an evil bitvh mil so she needs to be burned at the stake 🤣
I bet some posters on here read that thread and have selective short memories, one rule for mil and another for everyone else.
AuntyFungal · 11/11/2021 20:39

Considerable upset or life changing injuries / death.

& no, MiL would not be trusted to pick up again.
I wouldn’t care how much fall out there was.

No one means to have an accident.