Do you know anyone who hasn’t been in a relationship?

[IStoppedBelieving]

Or had sex?

What are they like?
How old are they?

And also, would you judge someone who hasn’t?

@IStoppedBelieving

Its sad he is a great uncle and has missed out on life really

I know I’m asking for hurt but.
Is it really missing out?

Being in a relationship doesn't guarantee happiness. I know so so many people in miserable relationships. Cheating, lies, disrespect even abuse. I have known couples who I thought had rock solid happy relationships only to find out it was the complete opposite behind closed doors.

What I'm trying to say is that it's OK to want a relationship but no one needs to be in one to be happy. And honestly it is better to be single than in a bad relationship.

My neighbour who is 92. He gets very sad about it!

Yup at least 3 people 30’s -40’s but I currently live in middle east so it’s a bit difficult here. All wonderful funny intelligent people who would have liked a relationship but it just never happened.

It's a bit fucking depressing to read people speculating about what's wrong with people who've never had a relationship.

I am mid 40s, not aware of any mental health issues, think I am pretty attractive, not shy, definitely not asexual, have a professional job, am interested in a wide range of topics and have adequate to good social skills - and I had one brief relationship in my early 20s and that's it. It is entirely possible to have sex without being in a relationship, though it's a bit of a bugger if they try to hang around afterwards, I prefer to sleep alone.

I have built myself an interesting, engaging and rewarding life, without having to worry about any of the shit that other women apparently put up with. I am pretty fucked off to think that any of my friends might be speculating about what's wrong with me, even in their own heads, let alone posting my many flaws on the internet .

I have one friend who is mid 40s and never had a serious relationship and one friend who is early 30s and has never had a relationship at all.

The one in their mid 40s it is because his standards are stupidly high - there are probably 10 women in the whole country that fit his requirements and I doubt they are single - and I don't know if I judge him, but I do despair of him as he wants to be with someone but he is blocking his own way.

The other one only came out very recently and is still getting comfortable in himself and I think it will be a while before he has the confidence to meet someone. I don't judge him.

@LordEmsworth

It's a bit fucking depressing to read people speculating about what's wrong with people who've never had a relationship.

I am mid 40s, not aware of any mental health issues, think I am pretty attractive, not shy, definitely not asexual, have a professional job, am interested in a wide range of topics and have adequate to good social skills - and I had one brief relationship in my early 20s and that's it. It is entirely possible to have sex without being in a relationship, though it's a bit of a bugger if they try to hang around afterwards, I prefer to sleep alone.

I have built myself an interesting, engaging and rewarding life, without having to worry about any of the shit that other women apparently put up with. I am pretty fucked off to think that any of my friends might be speculating about what's wrong with me, even in their own heads, let alone posting my many flaws on the internet .

Yet you’re posting on the internet to congratulate yourself on ‘not having to put up with the shit other women apparently put up with’? Surely that’s equally speculative, and equally implies those other women, in your view, have something wrong with them for not leading your relationship-free life?

Yes i know a guy late 20s, never had a girlfriend, not sure if he is a virgin but i think it's likely. Nice fella, gets on well with his work colleagues but doesn't drink so doesn't socialise much with them. He doesn't seem to have much confidence, especially with women but i have no idea if he would like to be in a relationship.

Me. 43, had one date in my entire life, still a virgin, perfectly normal and happy.

I don’t think it’s actually that unusual really. I have known a few people who just never found someone . Never really had a relationship and have no sexual experience.

Yes, me, mid 50s male. Always had low self esteem and lack of confidence. Was shy when I was young and later diagnosed with social anxiety, lots of counselling and meds in my 40s/50s but no better. Did have a couple of gfs in my teens and early 20s but I always felt too awkward and embarrassed to do anything sexual so still a virgin. It's shit.

Two friends of my OH have never dated as far as he knows and he has known them 30 years. One 40’s, one 50’s.

One woman I know mid 40’s. No luck whatsoever. Had flings but no relationship at all in her adult life. Seems to have just accepted it now.

I know both my brother-in-law and sister-in-law have always been single, and so far as anyone knows, they've never had a sexual relationship (but it's their business if they had!). I don't in the least judge either of them for never having been in a relationship, but I do worry about why they haven't. In their mid-late 30s, they both still live at home with their parents, in their childhood bedrooms; they are still very much treated as teenagers or young children, with MIL and FIL deciding when to turn the TV off or what to watch. Neither can cook or clean or do basic life admin. Frankly, in that context, the fact they've not had relationships seems a minor issue - but I do wonder if a relationship might not have lifted them out of this state.

I have also known a lot of cheerful career-single people, including a family friend who was an adopted 'aunt'. She had no truck with the idea of anyone else in her space; she was wonderful; she was happy. She died well into her 90s, twenty years ago.

I have a very close friend who has had relationships in the past but not had a serious one for over 25 years. She has loads going on in her life: very successful in her career and a huge number of friends. It would never cross my mind to judge her.

In certain ways though it probably wouldn't be for me I think life without a committed relationship could be very liberating.

An awful lot of committed monogamous relationships are very over-rated and a lot of the are built around children and shared financial assets. And society has built this up as the pinnacle of female achievement but in fact its one piece of the puzzle and its not the priority for everyone. In fact while a good, sustaining relationship can be a joy, a relationship can also be a complete millstone and can hold people back from become their best self.

I find it slightly depressing that anyone assumes that anyone who hasn't had a relationship is unhappy, unfulfilled or inferior. I think singleness gets a very bad rap and should be celebrated more.

Typed out two posts and list both and I’m not typing it all out again

Mid 50s
Never been in a long term relationship
No physical relationship, not even a kiss in over 20 years
It’s not about being lonely. It’s about feeling unloved or unlovable
Most people who know me would probably tell you that I am content with being single for ever…. But I’m not….I just don’t let myself think about it too much

@nigelladawson

I suppose I find it a bit odd because I'm the same age and have had 3 serious relationships

• I would say that's more odd to be honest

@dropcloth ah sorry, I was under the impression that not all relationships are perfect and some are even bad. Thanks for clarifying that no woman ever tolerates shit in a relationship, I can't imagine how I made that misapprehension. I'm not posting on the internet to congratulate myself, I am posting on the internet to defend myself - there is a really clear implication throughout many (not all) posts in this thread that people who haven't had a relationship must be second class, not worthy of affection, so flawed that it's impossible to spend time with us. That's really hurtful, I'm quite surprised you can't see that.

Actually I did realise my post probably doesn't make the point that people with mental health issues, low income, social anxiety, autism, etc do in fact have relationships. These are not things that are "wrong" with them/us and prevent them/us from having relationships.

Smug marrieds looking on and explaining why we're all inferior is really patronising and frankly idiotic. Either relationships are easy, in which case being in one is hardly an achievement; or they're not easy, in which case it's hardly surprising that not everyone is in one.

My brother who's in his 30s has never had a girlfriend. I've spoken to him before about it, he has always wanted to meet someone and settle down but the only time he leaves the house is to go to work. I don't think he's very confident when it comes to women. I know he's fancied people in the past but there's no way he would make the first move. I hope he does meet someone because I know that what he wants

Are they actually lacking though ?
Maybe they have saved themselves alot of heartache and disapointments?
A relationship is no guarantee of happiness, it is possible to live happily single.
l have had relationships good and bad, and was married for 20 years. I am glad to have experianced all that l have.
l am choosing to be on my own at this stage of my life, l dont see it as permanent, but there are actually alot of advantages to being just you, and if l were to meet someone further on down the road, there are parts of my life now that l would miss.

I'm 23 and have never been in a relationship, or had any sexual experiences. I've long struggled with low self esteem/self image as well as MH issues, meaning I find it hard to trust both myself and other people. Tried going on dates with other women, but found myself bailing when they wanted to take the relationship further and I still felt no romantic/sexual desire for them.

It's lonely at times, but I would much rather focus on myself than enter a relationship out of societal pressure and FOMO.

[quote LordEmsworth]@dropcloth ah sorry, I was under the impression that not all relationships are perfect and some are even bad. Thanks for clarifying that no woman ever tolerates shit in a relationship, I can't imagine how I made that misapprehension. I'm not posting on the internet to congratulate myself, I am posting on the internet to defend myself - there is a really clear implication throughout many (not all) posts in this thread that people who haven't had a relationship must be second class, not worthy of affection, so flawed that it's impossible to spend time with us. That's really hurtful, I'm quite surprised you can't see that.

Actually I did realise my post probably doesn't make the point that people with mental health issues, low income, social anxiety, autism, etc do in fact have relationships. These are not things that are "wrong" with them/us and prevent them/us from having relationships.

Smug marrieds looking on and explaining why we're all inferior is really patronising and frankly idiotic. Either relationships are easy, in which case being in one is hardly an achievement; or they're not easy, in which case it's hardly surprising that not everyone is in one.[/quote]
You seem to be replying to a post I certainly didn’t write. I simply pointed out that you’re doing exactly what you complain other posters are doing, but you’re implying that women who are in relationships are flawed because they are ‘putting up with shit’.

My brother. He is a lovely guy, 47 and I know he would love to meet someone. He’s a lawyer and works hard. There is no way I could get him to go on a dating app. He is quite shy and no way would make the first move. 😕. I often think it would be lovely if there was no judgement, supportive dating site that folk like my brother could join. It’s not easy at 47 to have the discussion with a prospective partner that you’ve never dated, kissed or been intimate with someone.

I 100% understand some folk are happy to be single and totally fulfilled but not everyone feels that way.

My sister. She is 35 and hasn't so much as kissed anyone. She is set in her ways now and doesn't have a great deal of confidence so I worry that she will find it harder and harder now. She has to decide that she wants to get out there but I do try and support her when she gets down about it.

Sure, a few.

One fellow I know who is a bit of a hermit. No idea if he is, as a previous poster suggested, "asexual".

I know a few gay men who are Catholic or Orthodox and have always been celibate.

I know quite a few people who it may well apply to, but I don't know enough about their personal details to know if they have absolutely never had sex. Though I suspect that is likely the case. They've never had a significant relationship though they might have dated some, and they likely would have only had sex in a serious relationship.

Oh, and I had a boss I am almost certain this applies to. A really nice man but a little fastidious, and I think just never met anyone. He also had a few health issues that may have interfered. Possibly he's also gay but that is a guess on my part, it might have been a factor if so.