Do you know anyone who hasn’t been in a relationship?

[IStoppedBelieving]

Or had sex?

What are they like?
How old are they?

And also, would you judge someone who hasn’t?

There was a long thread on this recently you should look up, OP.

Yes, I knew a couple of people one had significant MH issues, struggled with life in general and was single till his death in his 70s. One is a student friend now aged 50 who I think just never got started at the stage when the rest of us were making usually regrettable sex-and-boyfriend experiments I think she got boxed in by the age of 20 as the jolly, spinster friend, and never made the transition to thinking of herself as sexual or 'relationship material'. One, now in her 70s, was, I think conflicted about her sexuality as a younger person, and took herself out of what she viewed as the whole mess of sexuality -- she adopted a daughter from overseas, and is an inspired friend and a fulfilled person.

Oh, and another friend, who's been her mother's sole carer in a very rural part of the country, and has never met anyone -- it's difficult for her to get away and the siblings who are supposed to relieve her periodically don't, and her mother is nervous with strangers.

Yes my uncle hasn’t and he’s in his 50s

Possibly.
I have one friend who is late 40s. I think they have had one relationship. I don’t know about sex - I assume with this person (but it was abroad). They are a bit odd in terms of most things tbh. I won’t go into details here, but they are someone who I like seeing 1-2 times a year to catch up as they are a nice person, but wouldn’t befriend them now (Its a long-standing friendship). They aren’t particularly attractive looks-wise although could make themselves more so (a bit frumpy, bad hair which could be good, no make up).

My mum had a friend who was probably a virgin all her life (had an amazing career - we are talking 70s/80s here when things were different for women). She didn’t particularly like children by her own admission, could’ve been why she never married. Sh was also very bossy & formidable, but I did grow fond of her in later years.

@ThinWomansBrain

Great - another asexual bashing thread - it's only about a week since the last one 🥱

My thoughts exactly

I hadn't until mid 30's..had dates and one night stands, but no-one that I would take to a wedding, introduce to family etc.

I'm now in the 12th year of a relationship with a 7 year old DC...and it's very questionable whether life is better . VERY questionable. It certainly is a lot more stressful and demanding .

I only know one person...but my circle of people is quite small.

They're in their 30s, never had a romantic relationship or physical interaction with anyone. Doesn't identify as asexual, just prefers their own company too much to compromise on what their lifestyle is like to incorporate another person into it.

Perfectly normal with a good group of friends. Seems like a nice life to be honest.

Two friends of mine. Both mid 30s, very pretty and successful career wise. Never had a relationship and both still virgins. When they were younger they put sex on a pedestal and were waiting for the one. The one has yet to come along, and they’re both now happy to have sex, but are struggling to find someone to be in a relationship with. When guys find out they’re virgins, they either see it as a conquest to sleep with them, or think they’re weird.

My partner was 38 and hadn't had a relationship and limited sexual experience too. It didn't put me off. But it was a huge learning curve for him as most people learn how to be a partner younger, he had a lot of catching up to do, but at least he had no bad habits lol. He's a great partner and we've been together years now BTW

My friend to my knowledge has never been in a relationship. I have wondered if he is asexual but it's not my business. I don't judge him for it, just want him to be happy. And if he's happy the way he is then that's great! From reading this thread it sounds very common!

Me
I didn’t have sex/relationship/a kiss until my early 30s.

Why? My parents had a vu weird attitude to bfs/sex and it made sex this big huge thing that was scary and I didn’t dare :(

Got married and now that I am in my 50s, I’m thinking that I might have been better staying single instead tbh….

Would I judge? Nope.
Not my life, no idea of the whys or how etc.. if I’m nit supposed to judge people who have lots and lots of partners, why should I judge someone who has none?

I've never had a long term (as in more than a year) relationship
Just hadn't happened. I haven't been on a date for about a decade now

@GraceandFrankie

Two friends of mine. Both mid 30s, very pretty and successful career wise. Never had a relationship and both still virgins. When they were younger they put sex on a pedestal and were waiting for the one. The one has yet to come along, and they’re both now happy to have sex, but are struggling to find someone to be in a relationship with. When guys find out they’re virgins, they either see it as a conquest to sleep with them, or think they’re weird.

I didn’t tell my first bf I was a virgin for that exact reason. I was only a little but younger than your friends.

Good friend of mine. A really lovely woman - solvent sane and attractive. But it just never happened.

Absolutely no judgment and I don’t think it’s “strange” (there’s a judgment if ever I heard one).

There’s a demographic reason for this for educated professional women of my generation. Men tend to “partner down” and a lot of men of my generation are Peter Pan tossers (late 50s - I hope younger men have changed) or suddenly decided to settle down in their 40s and only wanted 20 year olds.

I have a friend who is in her fifties and very self-contained. I think she never really got beyond the yuck factor regarding sex.
It feels as though she never got over the basic unfairness of reproduction for women so opted out.
Anyway, you couldn’t meet a nicer person.

A da lot of the stories here don’t sound to me like these people are asexual (I know my friend isn’t). They’ve mostly been unlucky.

I tend to think that finding a partner involves a huge amount of luck. Partnered people aren’t morally superior or nicer/better people. They’re just lucky.

Not sure why it’s asexual bashing

I didn’t have a relationship for absolutely ages - i mean, two decades. Mostly to do with confidence and it became a bit self fulfilling: I was used to being on my own so I didn’t seek one and so it went on.

I didn’t think I missed out but looking back I think I did.

Yes, several, including people in their 60s and early 70s (that reflects my social and family circle, by the way, nothing else). And countless people who've discovered that romantic relationships aren't all they're cracked up to be if it's not the right person for you. I didn't have a boyfriend until I was in my very late 20s, and even then it was more of a fling. (I was way more committed than he was.) Then there were often gaps between subsequent relationships, often due to travel, work, family responsibilities, illness...I could go on. And I did lots of what were regarded as the right things - joined clubs, went to evenign classes, took up hobbies, did speed dating...I never tried online dating but I do have a few friends and family members who did, and it worked for them, though one friend pointed out that you really do have to kiss (or talk to, anyway) an AWFUL lot of frogs, as it were ;)

It doesn't mean I haven't had an interesting and fulfilling life, though. (And I think there's some left to come!) I do now live with someone, but it's platonic, pragmatic, and not in any way a romantic relationship.

I was given some very good advice years ago which was that if anyone judges you for not being in a relationship or being inexperienced, it says far more about them than it does about you.

Me. Mid 40s, completely ambivalent about sex and relationships. Own my own home, fairly successful career and fulfilling social life. Dote on my nieces and nephews. Definitely don't feel like I'm missing out on life.

Yeah I know a few - generally very sorted people whose lives have gone in other directions. Of course I don’t judge - why would you?

Great - another asexual bashing thread - it's only about a week since the last one

Is being asexual the only possible reason someone may not have had a relationship? That's a slightly limited world view and I think the OP is curious rather than judgemental.

Several people, although in some cases I'm not sure if they've never had a relation, or just not one since I have known them.

One friend in her mid 30s. I've known her since we were 20, and she hasn't had a relationship during that period. Another friend who is in her early 40s, and I've known since my early-20s. I also have an uncle who hasn't had a relationship for at least 30 years. Finally a friend I've known since my early teens. She was single until she was about 30, met a guy, and they now have a baby together.

I don't think any of them are strange. My uncle unfortunately had an alcohol problem which didn't help, but my friends are all perfectly lovely and normal and I think have just been unlucky, because I know they would like to have a partner.

I have a couple of friends who are mid 40's and one mid 50's who I know have never had any kind of intimate relationship for various reasons. I think for some people it just doesn't happen (for me I was 30) and no-one should be judged for it. My friends have sort of accepted that it's just the way it is. Some people are happy on their own and don't need a partner and society thinks there is 'something wrong' if you don't have sex by a certain age when actually the person is perfectly happy.

@KaycePollard

A da lot of the stories here don’t sound to me like these people are asexual (I know my friend isn’t). They’ve mostly been unlucky.

I tend to think that finding a partner involves a huge amount of luck. Partnered people aren’t morally superior or nicer/better people. They’re just lucky.

I generally assume that for women anyway, it’s a choice more than chance or luck. Settling down is more important to some than others. One or two people perhaps never get over their early heartbreak, but that’s not really the question here.

My brother. In his mid fifties.