Do you know anyone who hasn’t been in a relationship?

[IStoppedBelieving]

Or had sex?

What are they like?
How old are they?

And also, would you judge someone who hasn’t?

Yes, a work colleague from years ago. She was mid 40s, never had a boyfriend, still lived with her elderly Mum. Always beautifully dressed and very good at her job, but spoke like a little girl and collected teddy bears and Barbie dolls.

@Dropcloth

There was a long thread on this recently you should look up, OP.

There was?
Do you remember the tittle?

Yes, my sister.
She is 35 and asexual. From a young age, any physical contact has made her feel uncomfortable so the thought of sex makes her feel sick.
She has no interest in relationships and lives a happy and fulfilled life.

I don't think it's an asexual-bashing thread. I think it's positive to be reminded that there are different ways to lead a life.

I have a friend who had a short relationship in her early twenties and nothing since, but is interested in having one. She's absolutely lovely, highly intelligent, and quite shy. If you're asking what I think about her situation, I guess it's annoyance that people don't appreciate her enough, and a little sadness for her because I know it's something she wants.

I've also an old school friend who shows no interest in romantic relationships at all and AFAIK has never had a romantic or sexual relationship. She's also very nice and intelligent, and shy. If I'd known back in school days that asexuality existed, it would have been helpful. I'm sure we drove her mad trying to set her up with people, assuming she was just shy, and probably inadvertently made her feel there was something wrong with her, and I regret that, but we didn't know any better.

My DB was a very late bloomer (also lovely, intelligent and very shy) and didn't have a relationship until his thirties.

Sorry, didn't actually answer your question! Those above are in their late thirties/early forties.

Do I judge them? No. When it's someone who does want a relationship I do sort of judge those around them who somehow manage to overlook how great they are! If someone (like asexual friend) is content with their life, I'm happy for them.

I don't think being single/coupled is any indicator of a person's worth, because there are so many dickheads who shouldn't be married but are, and then there are absolutely lovely people who are single and still looking. It's an unfair world.

My dear friend. In his 40's.

I adore him (as a friend) but think "Shallow Hal" movie. No one under a 10 will do. If shes not a Keira Knightly then he won't even bother. However, when he does go for it he goes straight for the declaration of "really liking" them rather than asking them out and scares them off. The rest just friend-zone him straight out.

Many - from 24 to 53. Different profiles. Some due to disability. Some never really met anyone they got on with.

I also know a lot of people who met their first partner at work - then married them. If it hadn’t happens they’d probably been in the above category too as they never went out of their way to seek a relationship or did anything beyond work and socialise with pre-existing friends

Also OP based on your name - is if you who’s never had a relationship?

To my knowledge, my BIL has never had a relationship. I would guess probably not had sex

He has,a great life. He appears happy with his own company. I've never has the impression it bothers him

My friend who is 38. Not sure about sex as I’ve never asked but she’s definitely never had a boyfriend. She’s gets a bit of interest from men and often texts/goes on dates etc but never seems to go further.

For what it’s worth she’s lovely!! She’s American and super friendly. Glamorous, dresses well and is well turned out. Family orientated, lots of friends, leads an interesting life working in PR for hotels. I just don’t get it, she’s a catch!

I knew a guy who didnt for ages. It was a bit odd.

He came out at 35 and introduced a boyfriend. No one was surprised.

My half brother. Never had a girlfriend.

Autistic, definitely not gay, but probably put off women from being abused by our mother. Had a small but close knit bunch of friends of both sexes.

One of my friends. Lovely guy, complained that he always fucked it up by not realising women were interested in him until it was too late and they'd left without giving him their number, was scared to date anybody who was a friend as it could go wrong and he'd lose a friend, then said in any case, they'd probably run a mile if they realised how messed up he was in his head (he had quite severe depression at times) or saw what he looked like if he took his shirt off, as he'd been supermorbidly obese and had lost about 14 stone over 2 years. Hopefully one day he'll meet somebody who he isn't too scared to get involved with. But he's in his 50s now, so I'm not sure he will.

Couple of others who have never got over their first girlfriends.

Oh and another friend who is 41. He was a reasonably good looking guy in 20s but was also incredibly picky, seemed to be expecting a brainy, charming, funny supermodel.

Overtime he has aged. He really really can't take his pick any more but if anything is worse now, so gets nowhere with women.

I haven't ever had a relationship due to complex PTSD

(I am 'normal' in other areas, for want of a better word)

I’m 28 and never had a relationship so far.

I’ve had sex with a few guys, dated the same guy for a few months but I wouldn’t say I’ve had a proper relationship sadly.
I always wanted one but it never happened and at this point I’ve been on my own and have my own routine and life that it’s difficult to find someone to fit in.

I’m hoping it will happen soon.

My twin. We're both 39 and throughout late teens/20s/into 30s, it just never happened. Lots of ONS as far as I know.

Now, she's too set in her ways to couple up I think. She's very defensive about he position and can be quite cutting about 'smug marrieds' but I take that as a symptom of the bitterness she feels for having not met anyone. I think deep down she would love too.

Would/do I judge. No way. My sister is a wonderful rounded person with many friends, a profession anactive social life and lots of hobbies. Relationships don't happen for everyone and that's ok.

I know someone , early 30s , who has never been in a relationship or had sex. They are neurodiverse, have been sheltered and pandered to and they quite frankly are just not a nice person. So I can understand why nobody bothers with them.

Going from the replies from other threads they often advise to keep clear of men who’ve been single for a while or never been married as there ‘must be a reason’.
I personally don’t care and if I was going to judge someone it would be for having too many sexual partners/getting married young or too many times - although I try not to judge at all.

One of my close friends is in her 30s told me she hadn't kissed anyone, never mind do anything further. I don't judge her. She is a lovely person to be around, albeit shy and lacks confidence which is a shame because she's really great.

She had a difficult childhood and couldn't go out much in her teenage years due to this, which she said led to missing out on learning about sex and relationships, going out and the like. She does want a partner though.

My best friend. Had a short relationship in her early twenties that ended badly. We're now in our late forties and there's been anything other than a few flings. She never wanted children, so that wasn't a problem.
Absolutely no judgement from me.
She seems happy enough, so good for her. She's probably happier than I am, tbh.

I'm not keen on relationships and don't feel as though I particularly want one. I have had them, but never more than 18 months or so. I haven't had one in maybe 10 years. I'm perfectly happy with that.

What really REALLY irks me though, is people who do the apparently sympathetic 'oh DEAR, oh it's such a SHAME, oh you're MISSING OUT!' thing, and try to suggest ways for me to 'find a man'. I loathe that. Just because you want a relationship doesn't mean that I do, and actually no, I don't feel I am missing out. I can do all sorts of things that these people can't do. This happens to me much less now than it did when I was younger, now I'm 49.

1, a male, he's 51 and is currently about to be released after his fourth section in 25 years. He had managed to go 20 odd years without a serious episode but coming off Lithium last year clearly didn't work.

Obviously on outlier but he was too manic before his first major episode to sustain a relationship.

No idea if he's a virgin or not but if he isn't it was either a pity shag or paid for.

A couple of men in they're early 50s without any kind of relationship for many years.

Was massively surprised when a very set in her ways single for 30 odd years announced she had a boyfriend earlier in the year!

My uncle is 62 and has never been in a relationship - he lived with my Nan until she died and now lives alone in the house he shared with her.

He was badly bullied as a teenager but other than that I don't know. Just how he is. We visit and he is the same as everyone else - just a loner

Justine Fletcher aka Mr Tumble has never (it seems) been romantically involved with anyone despite him expressing a desire to settle down and have kids. He is in his 50’s now so not sure it will happen for him. No judgment from me for his single status.
Those spotty trousers though….