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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep dd at home until her operation date?

95 replies

Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 08:44

Dd15 is due to have an operation on her knee. She ruptured the acl back in May but this wasn't diagnosed until August, when her knee gave way and she then damaged cartilage. She is very sporty and at an independent school on a sports scholarship and bursary (relevant as we are not well off enough to afford a private operation). Her operation has now been postponed twice - was supposed to be in half term, then was supposed to be this weekend, now the 25 November (surgeons family has Covid) She's also had mocks (which she didn't do amazingly in).

So her op is now 25th November and I'd planned to keep her off school the week before (next week) to minimise chance of Covid. Dh thinks this is silly and an over reaction and that she should go in as it's an expensive school and she needs to make the most of it. Last night dd had a meltdown (she's been really brave about it all until now) and this morning she felt quite hot so I've kept her at home. Dh is sulking and thinks I'm being over protective and silly. He's also a bit annoyed that she didn't do better in her mocks (6s mainly) although I think if she hadn't had the op hanging over her she would have done better as she's very diligent.

The school are happy for her to dial into lessons remotely. I just want her to stay at home now until the 25th as I really really don't want her to catch covid and have to miss the op again. The recovery time is going to be really long and it would be great if she could be back mobile by the summer.

AIBU to just keep her at home now until her op on the 25th?

OP posts:
Munchyseeds · 11/11/2021 08:56

I would keep her home without a doubt
She needs to have the op for sure

StrongArm · 11/11/2021 08:58

you absolutely should!

my dd (an adult) has an operation at a similar time and she is isolating the week beforehand too - if you've waited this long for an op, the last thing you want is jeopardising it with Covid!

piglet81 · 11/11/2021 08:59

I think that sounds very sensible. Sorry it’s such a stressful time but hopefully doing this will mean she gets her op done and can recover and get back to normal life sooner.

Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 09:00

Thanks. I feel really alone with it as my mum won't speak to me (antivaxxer long story), dh is obsessed with work (going badly). Both older dds have gone to uni. It's really just me and dd and I can see how she's losing so much confidence. She's worried about the op as well even though she pretends she isn't.

OP posts:
LonglostWeasley · 11/11/2021 09:01

YANBU that’s sensible and she’s not completely missing out on school if she can dial in to lessons. It’s really not worth risking the op being postponed again for the sake of a couple of weeks of school when she can access lessons from home anyway. Especially if the build up to the op is affecting her school work and ability to concentrate, which is totally understandable.

emmathedilemma · 11/11/2021 09:01

Absolutely keep her at home. A lot of hospitals were insisting on 10 days isolation before routine operations last year.

Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 09:02

I was hoping the hospital would say isolate for 10 days but they don't say that any more.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 09:03

I work for my dh which complicates matters as he wants me in the office. I can work perfectly well from home and obviously she's 15 so I will go in anyway next week.

OP posts:
Dizzydream · 11/11/2021 09:04

The hospital will probably reach out to you at some point and ask her to isolate anyway my chap an had op a few weeks ago and the whole household had to isolate a bit before he went in and a bit after also

sageandbasil · 11/11/2021 09:04

I work in a dental hospital and anyone having a GA needs a covid test and then needs to isolate for 3 days before so I'm shocked this isn't the case! I'd keep her home

Dizzydream · 11/11/2021 09:04

But I don't think your unreasonable at all and hope her op goes well xx

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 11/11/2021 09:05

As long as she can remote learn...

Ab so bloody lutely! She not 'missing' school, just accessing lessons in a different way.

Does your husband appreciate a) how rubbish it will be if cancelled for a 3rd time?

B) the impact on her exams if it doesn't go ahead?

Also the recovery isn't short... She doesn't want to be rehabing if surgery delayed in run-up to exams.

I had to delay university for a YEAR for this surgery.

Health is more important.

Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 09:06

@sageandbasil

I work in a dental hospital and anyone having a GA needs a covid test and then needs to isolate for 3 days before so I'm shocked this isn't the case! I'd keep her home
Yes this is the case, pcr on 22nd then isolating for 3 days
OP posts:
Wannakisstheteacher · 11/11/2021 09:07

100% keep her at home. Covid is rife in schools right now and another postponement could mean no op until after Christmas - which I’d hate for my child to have hanging over them.

Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 09:08

Sorry my post about work should say I'm planning not to go in next week (as she's u16 I have to go in with her and have a pcr test). Dh thinks this is ridiculous.

OP posts:
hellcatspangle · 11/11/2021 09:08

No you're not being unreasonable, I would do the same.

Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 09:08

@Wannakisstheteacher

100% keep her at home. Covid is rife in schools right now and another postponement could mean no op until after Christmas - which I’d hate for my child to have hanging over them.
This is my worst fear.
OP posts:
Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 09:09

I did ask the school about covid cases but they say they can't tell me. Which isn't very helpful!

OP posts:
defnotadomesticgoddess · 11/11/2021 09:09

I had an op recently and I had to have a pcr test then isolate before the surgery (I had to stay away from the others in my household as well as staying at home). It was 3 days I think. That’s the government guidelines the hospital’s have to follow. I think you’re right to keep her at home

Eightandahalfyears · 11/11/2021 09:10

I kept my DD off last year for the same reason. Pleased I did as her bubble burst and the rest of the class were in isolation.

RampantIvy · 11/11/2021 09:10

You are doing the right thing. If your DD can dial in to lessons from home then her education won't suffer either. Your DH is being ridiculous. Why would he want to risk another postponement?

SirSamuelVimes · 11/11/2021 09:11

I'm very relaxed about Covid but I would absolutely keep her off for the week before the op, especially as school are ok with it and she can still access the lessons (albeit remotely). It's just far and away the most sensible, practical option.

Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 09:11

@RampantIvy

You are doing the right thing. If your DD can dial in to lessons from home then her education won't suffer either. Your DH is being ridiculous. Why would he want to risk another postponement?
I have no idea why he's being so difficult about it. He's actually supposed to self isolate with us for 3 days but he's refusing.
OP posts:
muddyford · 11/11/2021 09:12

She will have a Covid test several days before she goes in and will have to self-isolate (not allowed out of home) for the time between that and admission, so I don't think you are being unreasonable

Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 09:12

@SirSamuelVimes

I'm very relaxed about Covid but I would absolutely keep her off for the week before the op, especially as school are ok with it and she can still access the lessons (albeit remotely). It's just far and away the most sensible, practical option.
Thank you. I really needed someone to tell me I was being sensible!
OP posts: