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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep dd at home until her operation date?

95 replies

Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 08:44

Dd15 is due to have an operation on her knee. She ruptured the acl back in May but this wasn't diagnosed until August, when her knee gave way and she then damaged cartilage. She is very sporty and at an independent school on a sports scholarship and bursary (relevant as we are not well off enough to afford a private operation). Her operation has now been postponed twice - was supposed to be in half term, then was supposed to be this weekend, now the 25 November (surgeons family has Covid) She's also had mocks (which she didn't do amazingly in).

So her op is now 25th November and I'd planned to keep her off school the week before (next week) to minimise chance of Covid. Dh thinks this is silly and an over reaction and that she should go in as it's an expensive school and she needs to make the most of it. Last night dd had a meltdown (she's been really brave about it all until now) and this morning she felt quite hot so I've kept her at home. Dh is sulking and thinks I'm being over protective and silly. He's also a bit annoyed that she didn't do better in her mocks (6s mainly) although I think if she hadn't had the op hanging over her she would have done better as she's very diligent.

The school are happy for her to dial into lessons remotely. I just want her to stay at home now until the 25th as I really really don't want her to catch covid and have to miss the op again. The recovery time is going to be really long and it would be great if she could be back mobile by the summer.

AIBU to just keep her at home now until her op on the 25th?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 10:25

Dh says that dd won't catch Covid because she is "sensible"

Hmm
OP posts:
Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 10:26

I'm not normally a worrier about covid (we are all fully vaccinated) but with cases rising surely its just common sense to avoid a sitatution which might mean she misses the op?

OP posts:
halcyondays · 11/11/2021 10:28

@Pippi1970

Dh thinks the school is used to parents going immediately privately for this kind of injury so have no patience for the length of time ists taken on the NHS.
That’s just silly. And even if you were going private you’d still want to isolate before an op so would miss school. We can safely say Covid is rife in most schools at the moment so there’s a pretty high risk of catching it. I’d keep her off.
Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 10:30

I think I'm just going to keep her at home for the next 2 weeks. It sounds drastic but between dialling in and me helping her go through things I'm sure she'll be fine educationally. I know dh thinks we are paying then doing the schools job for them but I can't risk it. Of course we might do this then the op gets cancelled again for other reasons

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 11/11/2021 10:49

And his refusal to do the 3 day isolation?

You can be sensible all you want but still get it. A friend of mine was still disinfecting her shopping and doing all the right things and she got it.

lillylemons · 11/11/2021 11:10

I was going to be induced last week and was asked to isolate for 10 days before. I In the end I was isolated for no reason has i went into labour naturally

Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 11:16

@lillylemons

I was going to be induced last week and was asked to isolate for 10 days before. I In the end I was isolated for no reason has i went into labour naturally
I hope all went well and congratulations!

I so wish they'd say 10 days. Particularly for school aged kids who haven't been double vaxxed.

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 11/11/2021 11:30

@Pippi1970

I did ask the school about covid cases but they say they can't tell me. Which isn't very helpful!
Can you post on your local FB noticeboard to ask?

I notice local to us this is happening a lot... The school is being tight lipped...

Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 11:32

It's an independent boarding school (dd doesn't board) so very much its own microclimate!

OP posts:
diddl · 11/11/2021 11:46

"Dh is sulking and thinks I'm being over protective and silly."

Blimey that's sad.

Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 11:47

@diddl

"Dh is sulking and thinks I'm being over protective and silly."

Blimey that's sad.

I know! It's really starting to get to me.
OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 11/11/2021 11:50

@Pippi1970

I'm not normally a worrier about covid (we are all fully vaccinated) but with cases rising surely its just common sense to avoid a sitatution which might mean she misses the op?
So your idiot of a husband can't see that by not isolating he's putting your daughter at risk of operation cancellation, and risking others in the hospital??

What the hell does he work at to make his work so bloody essential??

What ah absolute arse.

I'm sure a lot of people who have been seriously ill with covid thought they were being 'sensible'.

Can you draw out a mind map... Clearly linking up the consequences ofhim not isolating, the operation not going ahead, impact on her grades, impact on her friendship/s, impact on her exams / revision if it doesn't go ahead and its delayed til next year.. The pain, the worsening of her knee... Which is bloody agony.. (mine was delayed for 2.5 years... It was. Much worse state as a result.. I was on morphine in the end).

All because the arse hole won't change his timetable for 3 days??? Ffs.

Personally I'd be moving to a nice hotel for the run up to surgery... Nothing would stop me ensuring my child's much needed operation would be going ahead...

MeredithGreyishblue · 11/11/2021 11:53

Your husband is putting money before your daughter's wellbeing. Hmm

Toddlerteaplease · 11/11/2021 11:58

I wouldn't as the chances of being cancelled because of a lack of beds etc, remains high.

SpookyPumpkinPants · 11/11/2021 11:58

@Pippi1970

Dh says that dd won't catch Covid because she is "sensible"

Hmm

I think you can safely ignore anything ge says. Idiot.

You're absolutely doing the right thing!

Why, especially when she can dial into lessons, would you send her in to the Covid Soup? Madness.

He's being idiotic about you WFH as well AND hugely selfish about not isolating with you after her Covid test.

I'd be so cross with him I'd tell him to stay elsewhere if he can't put DD first for once! (If he continues to be such an arse I'd tell him to make it permanent).

I hope DD's op goes well! I badly tore my ACL, but in those days they didn't do keyhole & only did the OP on professional sports people etc. It's caused me problems ever since. Now it's keyhole & much more 'routine'

SpookyPumpkinPants · 11/11/2021 12:01

@Toddlerteaplease

I wouldn't as the chances of being cancelled because of a lack of beds etc, remains high.
But 'so what?' She's dialling in to lessons, it's not like she's missing school, but even if she was 💁🏻‍♀️I'd give her THE best chance of getting her OP.
Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 12:09

@Toddlerteaplease

I wouldn't as the chances of being cancelled because of a lack of beds etc, remains high.
Yes that's happened already and could happen again - but we have no control over that.
OP posts:
Livpool · 11/11/2021 13:03

Not sure why you have to off work OP - she is 15 not 5

BiddyPop · 11/11/2021 13:17

My DM had just had a knee replacement and went back into shielding protocols for the fortnight before going in for the same reason. It is a sensible idea, especially if school will facilitate and she can relax and do more work at home than being stressed out going into school and not being able to sufficiently concentrate on the work aspect.

Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 13:20

@Livpool

Not sure why you have to off work OP - she is 15 not 5
I don't. I've said I will go in next week. But I also want to self isolate. I will take a week off after the op
OP posts:
Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 13:24

Just to be clear, dd is under 16, so I have to go in with her and have been told to self isolate.

OP posts:
KatieB55 · 11/11/2021 14:04

Hospital told me to isolate for 10 days before op. Had to do PCR test 2 days before. You don't want to risk a failed Covid test and cancellation. I would keep her home.

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 11/11/2021 14:16

Are you sure the hospital arent requesting this as in the Northwest our hospitals are very strict about 10 days isolation pre admission and covid tests before and during the stay.

if they arent I am shocked but would definetley keep her off school before hand

Effinell · 11/11/2021 14:26

YANBU. My DD has had 7 operations and for every one we had her off school for 10 to 14 days prior to avoid infection and 6 of them were pre covid.

Hope your DDs surgery goes well Flowers

Original poster
Pippi1970 · 11/11/2021 14:27

@123becauseicouldntthinkofone

Are you sure the hospital arent requesting this as in the Northwest our hospitals are very strict about 10 days isolation pre admission and covid tests before and during the stay.

if they arent I am shocked but would definetley keep her off school before hand

Definitely sure!
OP posts:
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