To keep dd at home until her operation date?

[Pippi1970]

Dd15 is due to have an operation on her knee. She ruptured the acl back in May but this wasn't diagnosed until August, when her knee gave way and she then damaged cartilage. She is very sporty and at an independent school on a sports scholarship and bursary (relevant as we are not well off enough to afford a private operation). Her operation has now been postponed twice - was supposed to be in half term, then was supposed to be this weekend, now the 25 November (surgeons family has Covid) She's also had mocks (which she didn't do amazingly in).

So her op is now 25th November and I'd planned to keep her off school the week before (next week) to minimise chance of Covid. Dh thinks this is silly and an over reaction and that she should go in as it's an expensive school and she needs to make the most of it. Last night dd had a meltdown (she's been really brave about it all until now) and this morning she felt quite hot so I've kept her at home. Dh is sulking and thinks I'm being over protective and silly. He's also a bit annoyed that she didn't do better in her mocks (6s mainly) although I think if she hadn't had the op hanging over her she would have done better as she's very diligent.

The school are happy for her to dial into lessons remotely. I just want her to stay at home now until the 25th as I really really don't want her to catch covid and have to miss the op again. The recovery time is going to be really long and it would be great if she could be back mobile by the summer.

AIBU to just keep her at home now until her op on the 25th?

@Pippi1970

Dh says that dd won't catch Covid because she is "sensible"

Not being funny but is he not a very intelligent person? If so maybe just shut this down now and take the reins. You clearly can't really have a proper working discussion with this kind of mentality so save the stress!

DH overruled, and if he won't isolate kick up a fuss until he goes elsewhere.

My friends DD just had an arm re-pinned and that was only 3 day, north west too.

@MeredithGreyishblue

My friends DD just had an arm re-pinned and that was only 3 day, north west too.

I think if you are a day case it's 3 days.

I thought you had to isolate before an op ?

3 days after the pcr test for a day case.

I'd totally keep her at home though. Your DH is being pig headed

OP in my experience (which is extensive, both professionally and personally) very sporty children have their sense of self and well-being closely tied to their ability to participate in their sport(s). Not being able to compete affects their mental health as much as their physical health and while they tend to accept the occasional injury as part of life, delays to the recovery process, for whatever reason, can have an adverse impact which needs to be resolved asap.

People who think of sport as a game, or a hobby, not to be taken too seriously, don't tend to 'get' this, generally speaking. I'm not saying either your DH or the school fall into this category as I don't know if that's true or not, but without doubt everything else (even academic qualifications) will be secondary in your daughter's mind right now. For that reason, the knee repair is the most important thing in her life so if keeping her home lessens the chance of the operation being postponed, you should trust your instinct.

@thing47

OP in my experience (which is extensive, both professionally and personally) very sporty children have their sense of self and well-being closely tied to their ability to participate in their sport(s). Not being able to compete affects their mental health as much as their physical health and while they tend to accept the occasional injury as part of life, delays to the recovery process, for whatever reason, can have an adverse impact which needs to be resolved asap.

People who think of sport as a game, or a hobby, not to be taken too seriously, don't tend to 'get' this, generally speaking. I'm not saying either your DH or the school fall into this category as I don't know if that's true or not, but without doubt everything else (even academic qualifications) will be secondary in your daughter's mind right now. For that reason, the knee repair is the most important thing in her life so if keeping her home lessens the chance of the operation being postponed, you should trust your instinct.

Thank you. This is absolutely the case, and you are right.

My dd has just had an entire spinal fusion (Oct 25th) and he was asked to isolate for three days before the date he was due at the hospital - whole family isolation, as per earlier poster. That's the advice from the hospitals and I saw no reason to extend the isolation period. Your dd just needs to wear her mask in the preceding days and be extra careful with hand washing / sanitising. I understand your worry but the hospital don't think there's a need so your DH might have a point. We had been waiting years for my ds's orocedure.

YANBU and your DH is being a bit of an arse about this.

Health is the most important thing and it sounds like your DD isn't able to fully concentrate on her school work, who can blame her with the operation being cancelled/looming.

I'm surprised that the hospital isn't insisting on some sort of isolation period. My relative had an op cancelled two weeks ago and was told to self isolate for 10 days.

Sorry the more I'm writing the more I'm cross with your DH. Why does he think that you wouldn't go into hospital with your DD? At 15 she is still a child and would want her Mum for reassurance.

Yanbu at all but what if it gets cancelled again and it’s all been pointless.
Your dh is being a bit of a dick btw

OP- what @24thing47 said. I also have a DD currently doing mocks. I am really proud of her because she has entered year 11 motivated and really pushing herself to do the best she can do. Lockdown really impacted her (like many) as online learning did not suit her and loosing her father when she was in primary finally caught up. Our children are not robots and like adults the things happening outside school/work impact on their capacity.

Getting mainly 6's may not be amazing but it is certainly not anything to worry about and I wonder if your daughter has picked up on some disappointment. Mocks seem very important, as do Gcse's, when you are in the middle of them so I am very careful not to undermine how stressful it is. However, the reality is you DD just needs to get the grades to get to the next stage.

Your DD will be anxious about her op, particularly if it has been cancelled. The most important thing you can do is reassure her and do what you can to make sure it takes place as soon as possible. Ensuring you do what you can control for this to happen is totally the right approach. In regards to your DH- can he not do joined up thinking? Is he stressed about his business and is this clouding his ability to think rationally? Your daughter needs her adults to take contr if he wants her to be in a place to achieve the best she can in her exams. He seems very focused on what he wants (DD not 'wasting' expensive lessons, you being in the office). I think your daughter needs you to step up and tell him how it will be because this is what his daughter needs, including moving out for a bit if he will not isolate.

So she went in today as she felt she wanted to get some mock results in person and the girl she shares a room with has covid. They hadn't cleaned the room and let dd go in there when she arrived without saying anything. I'm really cross with just about everyone right now.

@Pippi1970

So she went in today as she felt she wanted to get some mock results in person and the girl she shares a room with has covid. They hadn't cleaned the room and let dd go in there when she arrived without saying anything. I'm really cross with just about everyone right now.

Oh Jesus!

Well fingers crossed she's not picked it up. And now you have a cast iron reason to tell your husband that she's staying off until the op.

Hope you've complained very loudly to the school!

Yes she's at home and I now don't care what anyone says. Dh is grumpy but tbh he can fuck off, as can the school.

😂

@Pippi1970 I don't blame you I would be grumpy too.

You have it right. Stick to your guns.

I have had this operation myself and I would keep her off, you don't want to risk covid and it being cancelled again. It's fairly life changing I tore acl, mcl and cruchite ligament clean and it took me 12 weeks before I was off crutches and walking property again and two years worth of physio. Now you child hasn't turn all her ligaments so she might be much quicker in the recovery time. You want her to do it asp as the recovery takes time.

@Littlepaws18

I have had this operation myself and I would keep her off, you don't want to risk covid and it being cancelled again. It's fairly life changing I tore acl, mcl and cruchite ligament clean and it took me 12 weeks before I was off crutches and walking property again and two years worth of physio. Now you child hasn't turn all her ligaments so she might be much quicker in the recovery time. You want her to do it asp as the recovery takes time.

Ouch.

It makes it harder as she's actually really mobile and has absolutely no instability. I'm hoping that means her recovery will be quicker!

Sorry just reread my post! Spelling disaster!! I'm clearly not good at feeding a baby and typing at the same time! Oh and predictive text hates me!

Good luck to your daughter, tell her to do all the physio because it's an injury that can easily snap again- worse than breaking a bone because that heals. Ligament injuries the tissue doesn't heal well at all so you need to support your knee with your leg muscles.