Hi, sorry in advance for the long post. I've posted about my DM before on the Stately Homes thread. She is narcissistic and an alcoholic. My sister is NC and I want to continue a relationship with her but put boundaries in place to protect us.
We fell out earlier over a small issue of her kissing the baby. I'm due next week, she will be visiting people in another hospital and I said something like 'potentially don't kiss the baby right after coming from a hospital'.
She told me 'I could think again and that she had rights to kiss and hug her grandchild whenever she wanted'.
I shouldn't have responded really - I told her 'you will have the rights we decide you have'. She put the phone down.
She has previously made comments about disregarding our food choices, dummies etc. She wants to do a lot of childcare which will not be happening (but I've avoided the question rather than responding as she sees it as a challenge to overcome if you argue...I was just trying to grey rock). She also has offered to drive us home from the hospital. This will not be happening as she regularly drives over the limit and has no intentions to cut back on her alcohol use (another reason why she will be supervised with the baby and not do childcare).
I've just received a long email telling me that 'Motherhood is not about being in control. She will accept our rules even if she thinks we are wrong but that we need to accept her rules and ideas too.'
AIBU? I wasn't planning on having this conversation at all for a while as it seems silly to make rules about an unborn baby; but I don't know whether she has a point about my need for control. I do have anxiety and like to be in control - mostly because she was always unpredictable and sometimes scary when drunk when I was a child. But now I'm questioning everything and doubting myself. Advice would be much appreciated!