To not want 5 year old around a dangerous dog breed...

[ponyclub1234]

My 5 year olds best friends family have got an American Bulldog, a huge dog that looks like pure muscle, they want DD to go for a play date but I am not comfortable with her being around this dog, expecially in light of the recent news story about the 7 year old killed by his friends American pitbull. I know they are not used to raising this type of breed either and will not have been responsible in socialising / training it correctly.

How can I politely decline on this basis??
I know theres no point making an excuse as they'll just ask to rearrange but I don't want to create conflict as I do get on with her mother and we are around each other a lot.

Just tell them you're not comfortable with the dog. It really is as easy as that. No need for elaborate stories or excuses

You could try a version of the truth: I am so sorry, I am terrified of dogs, would you like to come here instead?
That way you avoid singling out her dog.

Just say she's scared of the dog and invite to yours

I was that mum………I just said I was petrified of dogs and don’t want my daughter around them. Could their child come here? It either goes down well or not, though I made sure the excuse was used with every friend with a dog.

My children wouldn't go to a house without me unless I was 100% sure about the dog.
I would never use a childminder with a dog for the same reason.

You just have to say it's nothing personal but you/your children aren't used to dogs and you aren't comfortable with them going round without you.

Yanbu, I wouldn't want to be around the dog myself let alone my kids.

Just say you and/or DC have a phobia, just easier to take the responsibility/hit yourself even though yanbu.
I did same for DC's friend's family who had a staffie. Obviously staffie's are lovely to their own family and big teddy bears to their own family, but actually they are very protective and defensive of their own family and not always that safe to visitors/strangers (believe there was a staffie attack on a visitor to a home in the news not that long ago).

I don't think any person at the moment would object to that, given the news this week.

Similar situation to one of my 4 yo friends, except with 3 pit type dogs. Always locked in a room going crazy. I love dogs but i would absolutely not take the risk. Dogs protect their owners generally so it will many times be outsiders that end up hurt.
The story released like many others are too terrifying to even imagine

YANBU. I'd be (mostly) honest, but polite. Sorry, but you're nervous of unknown dogs. Would their DD like to come to your house instead?

I highly doubt you'll be the only parent who declines a playmate with this being the reason. I wouldn't want my children around these dogs.

Play date*

I used to have an English mastiff, and as soppy as he was I understood friends discomfort with his size.
He was always in a separate room with a solid wooden door when friends children were present.

Have a conversation with them, they may have a similar rule?

I think you politely decline on that basis, as per your OP! No need to fabricate anything. "I'm not comfortable around those types of dogs. Happy to host here though."

I'm not sure I'd be polite. Poorly trained dogs are a massive safety issue.

I'd say I'm nervous about dogs and decline.

You don't skirt around the issue. You simply tell her that you're not comfortable with your daughter being around a dog of that breed and she won't be coming until the dog isn't there anymore. Doesn't matter if they put it in another room or whatever. It only takes a split second for a 5 year old to say 'do you want to see my dog?' and open the door.

Perhaps invite the friend to yours or arrange to go out to the park together or something?

I’d just say dd is scared of the dog and invite the child to you instead or suggest meeting at the park/soft play.

I have dogs, but a poorly trained bully breed would make me uneasy.

I would discuss it with the parent but I also wouldn't be comfortable with my child around a bull breed without knowing it myself. I would ask what the parents have in place to keep the dog separate.

I have giant dogs but I always keep them away from any visitors despite them being bred as companions and knowing they are pathetically soft. There’s no way a child could be around them without me there as I wouldn’t want to risk the children being knocked over more than anything. These parents might have a similar rule?

I wouldn't make it about the dog breed, I'd just have a normal chat about what they do with the dog when people visit or suggest play dates at the park or somewhere else. I don't let my dogs around strangers and would never let random children play with them.

Don't make it about your fears or your DC's "phobia". A phobia is an irrational fear. It's perfectly rational to fear a large, carnivorous animal with impressive teeth, massive musculature and unknown temperament.

All you need to say is that sadly you are declining because you avoid dogs of all kinds whenever possible, for your child and yourself. You don't have to apologise or explain a thing. It's just a fact. If they question or scoff or are offended, just repeat in the exact words you used before. They'll get the message!

Offer to host at yours instead.

Oh gosh definitely not. These incidents keep happening when these types of dogs attack people, children in particular. They are absolutely unstable and totally dangerous, it's truly beyond me how they're still even allowed as pets. Would never let me children near them.

I’d just say I wasn’t happy with my child being around a dog of that size and breed.

Aren’t American pitbulls banned in the U.K., or strictly regulated? They’re notorious for unprovoked attacks on children.

Sadly there’s still an underground market for dog fighting, betting and breeding. Pitbull types (often American pitbulls with false papers to pass them off as staff crosses) are a popular fighting dog.

I’d go for honesty. They must be aware that many people are wary of that breed. We have a breed that is well known for being friendly and good-natured, but is quite large. I accept that some people would not be comfortable being around or having their children being around my dog and that is fine. I wouldn’t be personally offended. If you’re happy to host/go somewhere else, I don’t see that it would be a problem at all.

If you know they're irresponsible about training then yanbu. Just say you're very nervous of large dogs and would rather your child wasn't around them. Invite their child to yours or arrange to meet at soft play or the park.

We have a medium sized dog who is well socialised etc but we still keep him separated from any strange children who come round to play as we don't know how that child will be with the dog. They could be scared or too rough etc so it's easier just to keep him in a different room or out for a long walk when our 5yo has a friend over.

I wouldn't be insulted if someone didn't want their child to come to ours if they said they were scared of dogs.

Tell them the truth or you'll be making excuses forever. Play dates can still happen - their children can come to you or you can meet up outside somewhere without the dog. You don't have to say that you think the dogs could attack, just say you aren't comfortable with your child around such a large dog!

Im a dog lover and owner but I've been having a similar dilemma for a while (not just thinking about it because of this weeks events but it hasn't helped). DD's best friend lives in our street. They've just took on a rottie a few months ago! Dog is around 5 and Seems friendly enough but I can't help worry. Dd is a dog lover and used to them but the dog is massive and the owner tiny and it pulls her along. Dd did go over there to play when it was still warm, they played outside wnd the dog was shut inside, but I still worry. I do trust my neighbour, she's very sensible so I'd like to think she's responsible enough but worry about the size of it compared to her, she's a single mum and I think the dog makes her feel a bit safer.. Not sure how aggressive rotties are but they seem to be quite protective!