To not want 5 year old around a dangerous dog breed...

[ponyclub1234]

My 5 year olds best friends family have got an American Bulldog, a huge dog that looks like pure muscle, they want DD to go for a play date but I am not comfortable with her being around this dog, expecially in light of the recent news story about the 7 year old killed by his friends American pitbull. I know they are not used to raising this type of breed either and will not have been responsible in socialising / training it correctly.

How can I politely decline on this basis??
I know theres no point making an excuse as they'll just ask to rearrange but I don't want to create conflict as I do get on with her mother and we are around each other a lot.

I always let parents know that we have a dog and would not be in the slightest bit offended if they preferred for their child to not come here.

I absolutely would not be comfortable with my children going to other dog households, particularly big dogs. I never leave mine unattended but I can't be sure how vigilant others are.

I know it won't make a difference to you, nor should it, but a bull dog is not a pit bull. You can see the error being repeated Olin the thread.

It's a powerful breed but isn't a pit bull.

If you were my friend I wouldn't bat an eyelid if you said no because of my dog. No explanation needed.

I understand fully that some people just don't want to be around dogs.

@danadas

I always let parents know that we have a dog and would not be in the slightest bit offended if they preferred for their child to not come here.

I absolutely would not be comfortable with my children going to other dog households, particularly big dogs. I never leave mine unattended but I can't be sure how vigilant others are.

Ditto. My dog is small but does like to jump on people in the house, I've always explained. Some are fine with it, some aren't so we just meet somewhere else.

I think honesty is best or the problem will just keep coming up. I wouldn't allow my kids to go either in that situation.

I would just tell them that you don't wan't your child around the dog at all, It's you own personal view, and one that would be shared by many many parents now.

Please note it was a pitbull type ddog. Pit bulls are a banned breed in UK.
Bad owners and all that also...
I had a Rottweiler for 10 years... To safeguard HER she was put away when any dc came.
If anyone was invited here I always made sure they knew she wouldn't be around..

YANBU at all - I say just tell the truth, it's perfectly reasonable.

I too always tell people we have a dog, and actually have had one family decline on the basis they hadn't met the dog - which was absolutely fine. And in our case, the dog is a King Charles Spaniel and the only real danger from him is being slobbered on

YANBU. She is BVU owning this animal at all, let alone in a house with a child.
Be honest with your reasons and firm in your resolve.
She should know that her appalling judgement in her choice if pet has social consequences.

@Hardybloodyhar

YANBU. She is BVU owning this animal at all, let alone in a house with a child. Be honest with your reasons and firm in your resolve. She should know that her appalling judgement in her choice if pet has social consequences.

American bulldogs aren't banned dogs

A bulldog, American or otherwise, is NOT a banned dog.

Something about the word 'bull' makes people assume Pitbull. But there are many, many 'bull' breeds.

FFS. OP has every right not to send her kid into any house with any dog in it. There's no need for misinformation.

YANBU.

My child would not be going into a house with that sort of dog - end of story. Never mind if it's "soft" or "well-trained" or "wouldn't hurt a fly". Not happening.

And I would not hesitate in saying that I was not comfortable in my child being around the dog, although that leaves space for the owner to say "oh I'll lock it in the kitchen/garden/bedroom" which doesn't really solve the problem.

People with half a brain will appreciate that once you get a dog like this that some people will not want to be anywhere near it. Choices, and consequences.

A dog like what?

@HoardingSamphireSaurus

A dog like what?

As the OP says : an American Bulldog, a huge dog that looks like pure muscle.

That sort of dog.

My close friend has an American bulldog. She's had her for 6 years now from puppy. She has children, our girls are good friends, there's a group of us that meet regularly. I was so so nervous being around her but she is a big soppy thing but I wouldn't trust her. They are know for the gentleness and softness but also very protective over their family so I was always a bit worried when another friend of ours had a baby and the dog was still aloud to interact interact us all and the baby. They aren't a neglectful family by any means and would get the dog to sleep in her bed if she got a bit too much. I would feel the same. I was so glad lockdown happened and we didn't meet there regularly. Now my daughter is older but I would still feel worried about her visiting without me. Google that breed. They aren't meant to be as aggressive as the pit bull types but still a very strong dog.

@HoardingSamphireSaurus

A dog like what?

A dog that by the sounds of the OP:

• Has been acquired as an adult, so is less predictable than a properly trained puppy (not least because there's probably a very good reason it's been rehomed)
• Whose owners are inexperienced with large dogs
• Is of a size that no adult is going to be able to stop if it does go for someone, perhaps?

I wouldn't be going near it either, and I am very used to dogs of all sizes.

As someone said above, if you get a dog like this you have to accept that some will not risk being anywhere near it.

Sorry for typos and also just to say we have 2 small dogs ourself but have always put them in another room with door closed when dd had her friends over despite our dogs being soppy x

OP I own two big dogs (65kg plus) one of a breed that has gained a reputation due to bad owners mainly, but also because they are protective of their family naturally and are used by police forces and security worldwide.

I would not be offended if you didn't want your DD to join us for a playmate. My dogs love my 2 year old and are incredibly gentle with her, but she is their family and they are naturally very protective of her.

I wouldn't be having the dogs in contact with an unknown adult unsupervised, let alone an unknown child because it's not fair to put anybody in that position, if my child was present I know my dogs would feel a need to stay alert (wouldn't hurt anybody, but I'm sure to people unused to dogs it might seem alarming to have your path blocked by two large animals)

Mine open doors and baby gates so if somebody has an untrained dog that I'm not confident in then I wouldn't be trusting the doors as a barrier either

You are perfectly within your right to decline a play date because of the dog, but what annoys me is the amount of misinformation that these type of threads generate.

Pit Bulls are banned in the UK, Pit Bulls are a type not a breed. American Bulldogs are not banned in the UK.

The way any dog behaves is down to the owner and the training / socialising. The OP states that she knows the owners would not be responsible in the dogs training, therefore that would make me not want my 5 year old child going there for a play date, regardless of what breed the dog is.

@danadas

I always let parents know that we have a dog and would not be in the slightest bit offended if they preferred for their child to not come here.

I absolutely would not be comfortable with my children going to other dog households, particularly big dogs. I never leave mine unattended but I can't be sure how vigilant others are.

this absolutely and I love and spoil my old dog.

@mumto2teenagers

You are perfectly within your right to decline a play date because of the dog, but what annoys me is the amount of misinformation that these type of threads generate.

Pit Bulls are banned in the UK, Pit Bulls are a type not a breed. American Bulldogs are not banned in the UK.

The way any dog behaves is down to the owner and the training / socialising. The OP states that she knows the owners would not be responsible in the dogs training, therefore that would make me not want my 5 year old child going there for a play date, regardless of what breed the dog is.

I agree with this, to be honest even if the dog in question was a pit bull, if it was well trained I would really have no issue mixing my child with it.

I feel the same for any bull breed.

If the dog in question was an untrained badly behaved chihuahua that the owner let visitors cuddle despite being a bad tempered git then I wouldn't be letting them mix with that dog either.

It's knowing an owner is perhaps unlikely to behave responsibly or hasn't trained their dog appropriately that is the issue, not the breed

Personally I would be unhappy if an invite included a jrt... My husky was attacked by one. She didn't retaliate
Despite their reputation she isn't aggressive
.
All ddog owners should safeguard their pet. We had a dc here last year made my ddog squeal literally under my nose... She won't be back. But if my ddog had bitten her who's at fault? Some dc aren't clued up to be around ddogs of any breed.

YANBU dogs protect their owners, that’s why they can turn on visitors.

I’ve twice been bitten by someone else’s dog when in the owners house (two different dogs).

Just say why re the dog, best to be straight about it

You can say your child is allergic to dogs if you don’t want a back and forth about how it’s ‘soppy’ or ‘a softie’ or ‘wouldn’t hurt a fly’. There is no way you should ever let your child go there and allergies is a fairly vast iron excuse to keep the dog away - my child genuinely does have allergies and can’t go into a house where a dog lives even if it’s not there so it takes all these kinds of situations absolutely out of the equation, and of course makes it easy for me to never let a dog in my house either. I can’t understand why anyone would have a dog like that in the first place but to bring one into a house with their own children is insane. I can’t imagine why it’s allowed to happen.

I would say no. I don't want them near the dog. Sorry. Thanks it, you don't have to explain anything more. The children are 100% priority. Don't give in!