Page 3 | Is dsis being unreasonable re gifts

Backofbeyond50 · 2021-11-09T03:31:53+00:00

So our Christmas tradition is to tell others exactly what we want and buy said gift. Simple but effective. So this year disis will undoubtedly give us a list of exactly what she and her dh and 2 dds want and we will oblige. Yet we have been told that she intends to not buy gifts but experiences. AIBU to think this is a little cheeky. There is history tbh anyway. She insists on buying gifts rather than vouchers. This meant that I lost out in a bogof promotion post Christmas. Yet we have as purchased vouchers or given cash previously. I know it is petty but AIBU to think that this isn't in keeping with tradition.

ancientgran · 09/11/2021 07:24

I sympathise, I hate "experiences" as someoneelse is deciding what I should enjoy and then I have to travel there, probably book in advance and I don't want to.

At my age the ultimate horror is a cream tea where you drive to the arse end of nowhere for an over priced cream tea with sandwiches I'd never choose in a million years, closely followed by a spa experience. Honestly if I want a cream tea I'll make one with all the things I like, if I want a spa treatment I'll choose somewhere round the corner not an hours drive away. For some reason people seem to think if it is in your county it is local but it doesn't always work like that.

Tell her you are thinking of the environment and it would be better if you just exchanged cards/chocolates or something "token" like that.

eveningbubble · 09/11/2021 07:29

If everyone is just telling everyone what to get why don't you all just buy yourselves the items and be done with the swapping of gifts that everyone has pre-ordered anyway. It all sounds so regimented and pointless.

BarbaraofSeville · 09/11/2021 07:30

I hate giving my parents and siblings a list of things to buy for me

Next time they ask for a list, give them list one

LubaLuca's Christmas wish list

Nothing from DM, DSis etc

To give nothing to DM, DSis, etc

Oh, go on then, maybe a box of Ferrero Rocher, a bottle of prosecco, a Yankee candle or other cheap treat of your choice.

Onlinedilema · 09/11/2021 07:33

Tell her you aren't buying gifts or experiences anymore. It all sounds so tedious. Keep your own money and spend it on your own family. You can always buy small , token gifts as suggested upthread.
Seriously where is the joy in what the pair of you are doing?
Fwiw I often buy experiences (or a specific concert/theatre ticket) for immediate family. However it is ALWAYS to some thing they absolutely love and I usually go with them and drive them there and back. This is what we like though so it is appreciated.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 09/11/2021 07:33

@Backofbeyond50

TBF I really can't be assed with any of it. I would gladly say let's not bother with gifts this year. TBH I think the experience thing is a dig. Our kids are older and 2 of the 3 have SEN so have to pick and choose carefully what we do. They have one nt child and post weekly about their jaunts.

What is wrong with her??? Personally i have the opposite issue with my inlaws who are obsessed with physical stuff while I prefer an experience.

Agree with not being a martyr
I wpuld ask outright "why are you doing this? i have 2 disabled children, insisting on this isn't a gift and I'd rather have nothing."

Wotsitsits · 09/11/2021 07:34

Sounds utterly joyless and pointless. Just stop giving gifts!

Or if you must "have something to open" which my DM is obsessed with, go mad in Poundland and get 1 thing / spend £1 per person job done!

Christmas isn't supposed to be about turning sibling rivalry and awkward family dynamics into some sort of competitive sport y'know. Peace and joy and all that

IFinallyJoinedNowWhat · 09/11/2021 07:37

@NoSquirrels

You could say to your sister - ‘I’ve had a brilliant idea! Rather than gifts, why don’t we do an experience with each other’s DC? I’d love to take DN out for the day and my DC would live a day out with their aunt…’

Oh, that's good...

Lemonsandlemonade · 09/11/2021 07:39

Sounds awful to me the whole point of gift giving is to give something that the person will like I can’t be doing with the whole choose something from a list thing.

DrManhattan · 09/11/2021 07:39

Shes not in charge of you.
Give her an experience and buy her nothing.

NewbieAlert · 09/11/2021 07:40

It definitely does take away the meaning of it when you begrudgingly have to select something off a list. I think it takes away the joy of choosing a gift and seeing their reaction.

We stopped doing it as a family as one person started getting more and more ridiculous with their list. Designer everything. Crazy expensive. Then she would buy someone else something from the pound shop.

Now we only buy for children. It works better.

Riverlee · 09/11/2021 07:40

What happened to the days when people chose gifts for the recipients and it was all a but surprise what you got. Sometimes you got good gifts, other times not, but you accepted it with good grace and thanked them. There was none if this returning it straight away to get a refund. Or was that only in our family?

Fallagain · 09/11/2021 07:44

Why don’t you suggest you don’t do gifts this year.

Practicebeingpatient · 09/11/2021 07:50

@Backofbeyond50

TBF I really can't be assed with any of it. I would gladly say let's not bother with gifts this year. TBH I think the experience thing is a dig. Our kids are older and 2 of the 3 have SEN so have to pick and choose carefully what we do. They have one nt child and post weekly about their jaunts.

Then say it. We only do gifts for little kids and our own grown up children now. We don't receive gifts either. It's great. We have a lot of family round on Christmas Day and we spend the time eating, drinking, playing charades, doing karaoke and laughing. No time wasted on opening unwanted gift packs of toiletries, biscuits or novelty books. No trips to the charity shops in January.

I am currently clearing my mums house as she has moved into sheltered accommodation. She is a shopaholic and a hoarder anyway but years of Christmas and birthday gifts have added to the problem. The number of unused, unwanted gifts I am now ferrying to local charity shops is obscene. Literally carloads at a time, so I'm not even doing a present for her this year. I now know that 30+ years of what I thought were thoughtful and well chosen gifts have been 'saved for best' aka 'completely wasted'.

Walkingalot · 09/11/2021 07:55

I hope that when she hands you her list you say 'Oh but I thought we were getting 'experiences' this year?' If she says that she doesn't need/want them, tell her you don't either!

BarbaraofSeville · 09/11/2021 07:58

I now know that 30+ years of what I thought were thoughtful and well chosen gifts have been saved for best aka completely wasted

And if they're not 'saved for best' people have wildly different opinions about what 'thoughtful and well chosen' means.

Plus because we're all so polite and couldn't possibly say anything except 'thank you, it's lovely' no-one actually ever knows if the recipient really did like something, or if they hated it or maybe put up with something that was not quite right, or quietly gave it to charity, regifted it or just let it languish in a cupboard for years on end.

Howshouldibehave · 09/11/2021 08:00

we have been told that she intends to not buy gifts but experiences

Who told you that?

If a reliable source, I’d ring her and query it. If she says that’s what she’s doing, either say that you don’t want that or you’ll do the same for her,

Girlintheframe · 09/11/2021 08:00

Surly the point of a gift is something that someone has taken the time to think about and buy for you?
Would it not just be easier all round for everyone to just buy their own gifts if they have to be pre approved first?
Not sure where the fun is in giving gifts if the recipient has already chosen it.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 09/11/2021 08:01

Just stop.
Buy yourselves what you want instead

Rubyupbeat · 09/11/2021 08:04

Bloody hell, this is what Christmas has become....you tell each other what you want and buy it.....then animosity as it's all gone off course....
I can't believe some of the posts on here which turns Christmas into a bunch of gripes and wants and spitefulness.
It's so sad!

Pumpkinsonparade · 09/11/2021 08:04

Don't experiences usually end up costly for the receiver?

TreborBore · 09/11/2021 08:12

Just say you’ve decided not to do presents for adults this year and will just buy for the children.

Tricked2003 · 09/11/2021 08:20

This is why I am so glad we don't do gifts in my family other than for children. It is so much easier and avoids all of the stress. Why not agree to meet up and all enjoy an experience together instead?

Theline · 09/11/2021 08:25

SIL was the master of PA gifts. One Christmas she bought DD a [child's] ticket to a London show and made sure she knew all about it and got excited. We then had to buy two adult's tickets, and another child's ticket and get to London (2 hrs away)...it turned out to be zero fun for everyone. Of course we didn't have to at all - I worked that out far too late - any of it. One year she surpassed herself (worse than this one) and we knocked it all on the head.

If she has declared she is doing experiences and you don't want this then tell her. Telling each other exactly what you want (unless children) sounds joyless too but I appreciate I've developed a real distaste for gifts in general, and would stop the whole gift exchange as preference.

GrandDuchessRomanov · 09/11/2021 08:26

Just get them this in return. Job done.

onlineshop.oxfam.org.uk/pile-of-poo/product/OU1007ML?recset=-6cd4d1b6%3A17d01615f8a%3A4cfe-33

Terfydactyl · 09/11/2021 08:27

@Riverlee

What happened to the days when people chose gifts for the recipients and it was all a but surprise what you got. Sometimes you got good gifts, other times not, but you accepted it with good grace and thanked them. There was none if this returning it straight away to get a refund. Or was that only in our family?

I fondly remember those days.

However now the things i want are out of most peoples budget (looking at grenson, Celtic and co and similar. I dont want something for the sake of buying and wrapping a thing, so last few years I've given a short list of the charities i support and then urged that if they have a much preferred charity, to give the amount they would have spent to it. Even if it's a pound.

The charity gains, I dont get more stuff to store or give to the local charity shop in January. It's a win win.
I suppose I could ask for money but that seems just as cheeky as asking for grenson boots at over £400.