Is dsis being unreasonable re gifts

[Backofbeyond50]

So our Christmas tradition is to tell others exactly what we want and buy said gift. Simple but effective.

So this year disis will undoubtedly give us a list of exactly what she and her dh and 2 dds want and we will oblige.
Yet we have been told that she intends to not buy gifts but experiences.
AIBU to think this is a little cheeky. There is history tbh anyway. She insists on buying gifts rather than vouchers. This meant that I lost out in a bogof promotion post Christmas. Yet we have as purchased vouchers or given cash previously.
I know it is petty but AIBU to think that this isn't in keeping with tradition.

I agree. Just say you aren't doing presents this year and then use the money you budgeted for your in-laws to buy what you want for you and your family.

You could say to your sister - ‘I’ve had a brilliant idea! Rather than gifts, why don’t we do an experience with each other’s DC? I’d love to take DN out for the day and my DC would live a day out with their aunt…’

TBH I think the experience thing is a dig. Our kids are older and 2 of the 3 have SEN so have to pick and choose carefully what we do. They have one nt child and post weekly about their jaunts.

This is at best insensitive and at worst really nasty.

I wouldn't be getting them a gift this year. I'd sponsor a donkey or a toilet on their behalf instead.

Op, just talk to her.

Tell her that you don't want an 'experience' gift. Period.

Ask her whether it wouldn't be much simpler to stop presents or to switch to cash only gifts for the kids only, so they can get what they want to with the money.

If she says she's still keen on doing some kind of 'gift' and that it will be of her choosing, then tell her simply that as she's not sticking to the agreed idea of telling people what to buy, then neither will you, so she can look forward to a pet snake/ skydiving/ tarantula experience /sponsor a goat /oil painting set etc (whatever she would hate most).

Then next Jan, you can tell her firmly that your family has decided to not do Xmas presents next year at all, so if she buys for you she'll receive zero back.

She cannot dictate whether you partake in Xmas gifts unless you let her.

It was because of my sister and similar behaviour why we stopped doing adult presents. We'd had enough of choosing from her expensive list to get back stuff that we couldn't use and certainly didn't want. I had two children who had SN and she'd get them kits that they couldn't do.

I don’t know why you bother exchanging gifts at all if you are just asking for what you want. Just all stop this and spend your money on yourselves.

Stop the presents. Just say no presents for Xmas. We did it and its been the best thing we've ever done. We now have more money for our own children's presents.

I prefer to buy/receive experiences as less waste/stuff in the house.
I’m not 100% on the problem? Do you not
Like that she gives you a list?

situations like this take any meaning from gift giving

Can’t you just wait till she sends her gift wish list and then reply back saying ‘sorry, I’m confused… I thought we were buying each other experiences this year?
Or do you want to scrap that idea now? If so, I’ll send over our gift list later’

She can’t exactly then reply saying ‘random experiences for you lot but we get to choose ours’
Problem solved

It’s meant to be a gift, why bother if you have to negotiate quite so hard? Just buy what you want for yourself, you can wrap it up and stick it under the tree if you want any kind of festive experience!

Sounds like a soulless and thoroughly in enjoyable way to give gifts. I’d just knock all gifts on the head in time for next year.

When you get said lust

Exclaim

Oh sister we thought your idea was marvellous and we’re going to get you surprise experiences

List not lust

Everyone does Christmas differently but this would take the fun out of Christmas for me, it sounds difficult and uncomfortable 😟

Just tell her today that it's time to stop doing gifts. Once you have to tell people what to buy, it's not a gift its a charade. Gifts involve thinking and choosing by the buyer and that doesn't usually work either.

Just buy each other a tub of sweets and a cheap family card/board game if you can't possibly not exchange anything at all and you buy your BOGOF day out stuff for your own family in January and she can
use the money she would have spent to treat her own family as she sees fit.

I can't pretend to think Christmas is still about the religious aspect but this whole grabby present thing really gets on my nerves! It's so unnecessary! It's as if Christmas revolves around what you buy and what you get in return. Totally against the spirit of what Christmas ought to be about - religious or otherwise.

Well then tell them. There's no prizes for being a martyr, at christmas or at any other time of the year. There's clearly very little joy in this gift giving/receiving experience and you all seem to resent it. So sack it off.

Exactly. Then everyone can feel free to buy something they will enjoy, and no further angst. Job done.

@MrsLargeEmbodied

situations like this take any meaning from gift giving

Exactly!

Your family really knows how to drain the fun out of gift giving! I think you are all bonkers!

@SW1amp

Can’t you just wait till she sends her gift wish list and then reply back saying ‘sorry, I’m confused… I thought we were buying each other experiences this year? Or do you want to scrap that idea now? If so, I’ll send over our gift list later’

She can’t exactly then reply saying ‘random experiences for you lot but we get to choose ours’
Problem solved

This

What's the point in buying each other gifts if there's not thought or effort? The best part about gifting is the surprise on someone's face after they've opened their carefully chosen present.

If you're getting lists you may as well just stop buying for each other and spend the money on yourselves.

Experiences are lovely. I hope we get experiences rather than gifts this year but I doubt it.

Its not really a family tradition anymore if she doesn't do it.

Or am i missing the point....

It's all a bit pointless, this transactional arrangement of putting in an order with each other. Knock it on the head.

I realise that's easier said than done though. I've tried for years to stop all of this nonsense with adult relatives swapping expensive gifts that they've asked for (?!). A token gift that the giver has chosen is much more 'in the spirit' of things imo. I'm a lone voice in my family though. I hate giving my parents and siblings a list of things to buy for me

I never see the point of vouchers of any kind.

Just give the person cash, which they can spend on absolutely anything.

In your case, OP, since the present-giving doesn't involve any surprises, I would suggest having a 'no gifts' year (or just token gifts, say, up to £10).