To want to leave teaching now I’m a parent

[Mistygreyrain]

I hate the lack of flexibility. I just am really struggling so don’t flame me. I can’t take a day of leave when I need to, can’t take an afternoon or morning off. I hate it. Or am I being an idiot?

@Mistygreyrain

I don’t have school aged children yet. And I don’t know. All I do know is it feels relentless and miserable. Yes good holidays but when you had five days and they’ve all been spent on catching your own tail then you’ve seven weeks till the next it just doesn’t seem that great!

Try waiting five or six months until your next holiday and then only getting a few days off or a week, then it really does feel like your catching your own tail. It’s not always greener on the other side

My husband is a teacher so I get what you're saying about the inflexibility. Any appointments, drop offs, pick ups, and general life admin like ringing the GP - falls to me! But the trade off is that we have zero childcare problems during school holidays. So many of our friends dread the six week summer break. They each take a (different) week off, use grandparents certain days, book clubs, and they're still left with 2 or 3 weeks unresolved! As others have said, jobs with 5 or 6 weeks annual leave (like mine) have downsides too. Hard being a working parent.

Maybe speak to supply agency and see how demand is for your subject? If you have to suck up a days nursery cost here or there you may think it’s worth it. Cons would be stress of not knowing, possibly long commutes and no holiday pay.
You might be better doing part time but permanent role if you can.

I was a HT I now do supply 4 days a week , if I need a day off for any reason I take it . I do tutoring too . I'm on almost the same money as previously, with very little stress

I know a couple of teachers who have taken TA/HLTA jobs while their children were small or primary age. The pay is crap, but you still get the bonus of the holidays, and there is usually some flexibility for your own child’s nativities or events because TAs can cover for each other easily.

It must be nice to know you are finishing say 17/12 for over 2 weeks. Most jobs don’t get that or if you have some leave one Christmas won’t have next. So you can always see your children Christmas Eve do activities etc. Grass isn’t always greener.

I did! Best thing I ever did for my mental health and family x

Can you go part time?

My DC had 2 teachers last year. I don't come across it often infact it was the first time. Both had children so I assume that was the reason.

I’ve gone three days.

Stupidly lucky that husband earns enough for us to afford it.

Get literally no school work done when home with baby though, and I’m having to cut all the corners both at home and at school. But now we’re snuggled on the sofa watching Bing and it’s lovely.

I work full time but not in teaching. Trying to cover school holidays with childcare is a constant battle. I book holiday camps a year in advance, pin down Xmas cover as soon as possible (the hardest to organise) and have still had to take dc in to the office on occasion.
If you are planning to have children in the future, working elsewhere doesn't give you any more flexibility because every bit of annual leave is committed to covering school holidays.
Can you go part time?

Everyone was shocked when I left my school term time only role for part time in a hospital… they couldn’t understand that I would miss every school assembly and sports day etc if I carried on working in a school. My job is super flexible - no regrets 7 years later!

Teaching is both family friendly and horrifically not: it all depends which aspect you're looking at.

Having the holidays with the kids (assuming they match up) is fantastic in terms of easing the burden of childcare.

However, the working hours and amount brought home can mean that, during term time, your child is always in before and after school care. In the evenings and at weekends, it can feel that you child often comes second at home to getting those books marked or resourcing the next lessons etc. As has been said, you'll also never get to an assembly, play, sports day etc.

I know a number of teachers who have ended up carrying around a huge amount of parental guilt as they feel they spend so much more of their time and energy on other people's children rather than their own.

Of course YANBU....and, tbh, the pre-school years are the easiest, logistically - you take them to Nursery / CMer in the morning and collect them from same place at night. MUCH easier than when they get into Primary school.
Have you considered going PT ? It is what makes it do-able for many parents.

I don't blame you.

It's something DH and I talked about extensively before we got married (he was a teacher). We decided it was conducive to a positive family life. He quit, retrained and were much happier.

*wasn't

Problem with part time is i’d still be in 5 days a week, it doesn’t seem worth it.

I've decided to ask for part time 0.6 tomorrow. I've struggled on and everyone gas suffered enough us enough!

It’s really tough. DH is a Headteacher now and the hours are long, but they’re still long for a class teacher when you take into account planning, marking etc. He’s contemplated going p/t over the years but most of the p/t teachers spend their days off catching up. It’s a no win situation. Our eldest DC is almost 18 and he said to me just last weekend that he feels like he’s missed out on childhood days and regrets how much of his time has been invested in other people’s children over his.

It has, however, been a worthwhile career with a decent salary and that’s where the compromise is. I guess you have to ask yourself if you’re prepared to make compromises.

I think it is really hard to do with kids.

I found the relentnessness of it, coming home and having to do several hours to be ready for the next day, impossible. I wanted evenings and weekends with my family.

It's swings and roundabouts. My nurse daughter would kill for predictability, and a job that fits into nursery hours, which her shifts absolutely don't. And when my DHD starts school, her childcare is going to be insanely difficult to arrange, both in and out of holidays

As a teacher I was very grateful to know a year in advance when I could book my holidays, to not have to worry about holiday childcare, and to be able to fit my non-contact hours around family life.
But I disliked the inflexibility, the missing out on assemblies etc (though I was lucky enough to work part time when my kids were younger primary age) and various other bits.

Basically the grass always seems greener, but any move could find you out of the frying pan into the fire. So think it through carefully.

DGD, even

Can you afford a drop in salary? Do you have family nearby to help with the school holidays?

I’m not in teaching but I have a young Dd. Once she’s in school me and DH will need all our annual leave cover the holidays, so no more nice little afternoons off or whatever. All recuperating will get done on weekends as which mostly happens now anyways. I’ve had the odd afternoon while she’s in childcare but not much. I only have like 5weeks annual leave so need those days to do other stuff/holidays/other commitments. I can’t speak as to workload or stress but I’d bet any similar role paying a teachers wage will have its own baggage. Mine is pretty stressful and on 26k. I’ve had friends retrain to be teachers for the holidays, which they may regret but is motivating factor for those elsewhere

Problem with part time is i’d still be in 5 days a week, it doesn’t seem worth it.

Why ?
I've been PT for 20+ years and am only in the days I'm paid for.

YANBU at all. The amount of work teachers take home, I wonder how anybody can manage full time with young children. Yes, you might lose the holidays, unless you move into a HLTA role or similar, but you will gain time in other ways such as evenings and weekends. If your children aren't school age yet don't worry so much about the holidays now, you have time to work that out and plenty of other parents (non teaching) manage it.