About giving DS16 lifts

[Speckledhem]

So fed up of giving DS 16 lifts everywhere

Lift to work
Collect from work
Lift to work again if doing overtime
Collect from work
Lift to gf’s most days
Collect from gf’s most days

Each lift is only about 2 miles so only takes 10-15 minutes but the interruption to my day is massively frustrating me. I’m generally either working, studying or seeing to the other children.

Public transport is rubbish where we live and he would end up losing his job as he would be constantly late.

DH doesn’t drive.

If I say no it just seems to create bigger problems, plus it’s freezing cold. I’m also expected to take gf to college once or twice a week when she stays over

It’s really getting me down

WWYD

Get him a bike, would cut down on a lot of the journeys.

Doesn’t sound like you have many options until he can drive himself perhaps a moped?

Same here,that's what I did,a bike

YABVU. I would do college and work lifts, and girlfriend if she’s going the same way. And then also some fun lifts to make a balance.

Say no sometimes. Work fair enough if he's otherwise going to be late. As for taking girlfriend to college. No

No way would I do that. A bike until he can drive himself.

Yeah a bike is a good idea, that’s probably the best option, I just worried terribly when had a bike about 18 months ago as he is an idiot and has no sense of danger (I believe he has undiagnosed ADHD) so it would be a toss up between the annoyance of giving lifts or the worry of him on a bike.

If he is able bodied, no you’re perfectly reasonable. Why can’t he walk? It’s really not far.

2 miles is only a 40 minute walk!

Any compromises, do her parents drive to drop him back off home?

At 16, it’s a 30 minute walk, tops.

Unfortunately you chose to live in an address with rubbish public transport, if you don't trust him on a bike you have few other options, depending on the route and times he could walk a couple of miles. He's mainly going to work and has a steady relationship, I'd support those things.

This is the problem when you live in an area where there is little public transport.

Do the GF's parents help with transport too?

Is there a reason DH doesn't drive?

We have to give lifts to DS(16) but DH and I share them

I think going to and from work is reasonable.

Could he not pay for taxi's when it's a leisure journey like going to girlfriends or out with friends etc.

Are you in the country?

I’m also expected to take gf to college once or twice a week when she stays over

Er no, not your responsibility. Its probably best she doesn't stay over if she needs to get to college

You've got a few options.

Keep doing it and accept its only til he learns to drive
Get him a bike or electric scooter
Uber
Tell him to get a job closer to home and encourage it by making up the difference
Tell him you'll give him a lift there but he has to make his own way back or the other way round
Move somewhere with better transport links
See if he can arrange with friends or colleagues to lift share

Why can't he walk? 2 miles is nothing!

2 miles - he can walk or cycle unless very wet perhaps

OP
You are nearly there!!!

Is he saving for driving lessons/ a car?

I remember it being such a chore when they were that age- their social life perked up, but they were still dependant.
Agree with others who said college, work and a few social trips.
Set yourself a few days in the week with a ' no schlepping' rule.

But honestly- you are nearly there!!!

Get him a bike, or tell him to walk. It’s only 2 miles so you shouldn’t really be driving that distance anyway, it’s unnecessary. And as for driving the GF, you need to stop acting like a taxi driver!!

(I’m aware that this answer is based on you living somewhere where cycling and waking is safe? If not, then you kind of signed up to being the taxi service when you moved there, so you need to accept the consequences. This is one of the reasons I have stayed in an urban location!)

If you have other children I think your
Problem is that your partner doesn't drive. This will get worse rather than better.

@spotcheck

OP You are nearly there!!!

Is he saving for driving lessons/ a car?

I remember it being such a chore when they were that age- their social life perked up, but they were still dependant.
Agree with others who said college, work and a few social trips.
Set yourself a few days in the week with a ' no schlepping' rule.

But honestly- you are nearly there!!!

That has made me feel much better thank you! Yes we will get him driving lessons ASAP and he is saving for a car

if he's going to learn driving, then a bike is a good plan in the interim.

giving his girlfriend lifts seems mad, why is that your problem?

This is the problem of choosing to live in the arse end of nowhere.

Think you'll have to suck it up until your son learns to drive.
You need to press your husband into learning to drive too.,

It shouldn't be just up to you.