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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About giving DS16 lifts

99 replies

Speckledhem · 07/11/2021 19:56

So fed up of giving DS 16 lifts everywhere

Lift to work
Collect from work
Lift to work again if doing overtime
Collect from work
Lift to gf’s most days
Collect from gf’s most days

Each lift is only about 2 miles so only takes 10-15 minutes but the interruption to my day is massively frustrating me. I’m generally either working, studying or seeing to the other children.

Public transport is rubbish where we live and he would end up losing his job as he would be constantly late.

DH doesn’t drive.

If I say no it just seems to create bigger problems, plus it’s freezing cold. I’m also expected to take gf to college once or twice a week when she stays over

It’s really getting me down

WWYD

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 07/11/2021 20:23

I would tell myself he is 16 and in two years time he can drive himself - its not forever. You chose a house without good public transport links not him!

DaisyNGO · 07/11/2021 20:24

also agree that 2 miles walk is fine
quite a good commute actually!

Samedaysame · 07/11/2021 20:25

Really you resent being a mum taxi for your son. I would rather he was safe by me taking and picking him up than complaining about it

BonnesVacances · 07/11/2021 20:26

He has a job, which is a good thing. And you live somewhere with no public transport, which is not. YABVU.

Botherfreedays · 07/11/2021 20:28

Isn’t it just another part of being a parent? Not one I’m looking forward to - but I didn’t like potty training either of several other parts… tough really. But in terms of the girlfriend just say she can’t stay over if she had college the next day.

ghejxodn · 07/11/2021 20:28

My mum was the same as this. We lived in an area with rubbish public transport. She used to moan constantly about giving me lifts, angry and shouting if I was 5 mins late from work. However, she failed to realise all the things I did for, babysitting siblings whilst she went to work, cleaned the whole house through, cooked for the family most nights etc. She often would refuse and it meant that I couldn't go to work parties or out with friends because her and my dad wouldn't give me a lift. I remember waiting at the age of about 13 in the pouring rain for an hour for a bus when they wouldn't give me a lift and it was unsafe to walk because it was dark and I would have had to walk on the road. She also refused to allow to me ride a bike as she would worry too much. I always try and see if from the other side now. I have a DD who's 13 and will always give her a lift. I would rather that then worry about her.

BonnesVacances · 07/11/2021 20:29

Your problem is with your DH who doesn't drive (unless he has a medical reason for that) not with your DS whose parents chose to live someone with poor public transport, who has a job and is saving for a car.

ThatsAllFolks · 07/11/2021 20:30

Just to say I do feel your pain op.

FangsForTheMemory · 07/11/2021 20:32

Is there pavement or a footpath he can walk to work on? If so, he can walk. Or as others have said, a bike and he can cycle. I cycled everywhere in my teens.

Beautiful3 · 07/11/2021 20:34

I think he needs a bike with lights to get to work and back. I wouldn't be taking his girlfriend to college, I'm sure she could catch a bus?

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 07/11/2021 20:38

I grew up in an area that didn't have good public transport and wasn't particularly safe to cycle or walk. The last time we moved house DH (who didn't drive at the time) kept wanting to look at beautiful houses off the beaten track and I completely refused because I know that the experience isn't great for either parent or child when the child can't be independent.

Obviously that doesn't help you at the moment because you live where you live, but your DS didn't really have a choice of location and it's not his fault that he wants to be able to do normal teenage things. It won't be forever (it'll just feel like it).

TravelLost · 07/11/2021 20:38

2 miles?!?

He gets a bike or he walks.

Seriously, unless it’s pouring down I wouldnt take my dcs to so many places all the time.

DustyDoorframes · 07/11/2021 20:40

Whatever you do- write to your MP complaining about the lack of both public transport and safe walking/bike routes. If nobody makes a fuss, nothing changes...

TravelLost · 07/11/2021 20:40

Btw, re the worry about him on a bike.

In two years time, I’m going to assume he will be away at Uni and certainly living his life in a much more independent way. I’d rather have him do that sort if things now so I am there to pick up pieces of need be (like when dc1 fell off his bike) than wait another two years and for him to have no experience at all and make al those mistakes on his own iyswim.

Summerfun54321 · 07/11/2021 20:44

2 miles is nothing on a bike, make him do a cycling proficiency course first though.

toomuchlaundry · 07/11/2021 20:45

Is he going to university if he is working now?

Pinkchocolate · 07/11/2021 20:50

DH and I do a million lifts between us, it’s another annoying part of parenting. We do have a rule though that lifts are a bonus and if we can’t then her travel is down to her, sometimes she’ll walk other times she’ll get a cab. Do what you can and then it’s tolerable, don’t interrupt your life to do it though.

Branleuse · 07/11/2021 20:51

Thats the significant downside to living in the sticks. Why on earth are you the only driver if youre not living on a decent bus route?

LadyJaye · 07/11/2021 20:52

Two miles on a bike is a 15-20 min cycle, tops, slightly longer on foot.

Is there a reason why he can't walk, at least? I understand if it's a late shift or whatever, but apart from that... ?

Chelyanne · 07/11/2021 20:52

You've let this become the norm.

Tell him to sort himself out or charge expences for the service.

TeachesOfPeaches · 07/11/2021 20:53

My 5 year old walks almost 2 miles to school every morning, I'm sure your 16 year old could manage.

HemanOrSheRa · 07/11/2021 20:54

I do pretty much the same for my 16 year old DS OP. He wanted a moped and that was a big fat NOPE from us so this is the compromise until he learns to drive.

As a PP says - we are nearly there! When is he 17? Only, I've already put DS's name down with a driving instructor as our local ones have full pupil lists due to the knock on effect from covid (he's 17 in February).

lanthanum · 07/11/2021 20:59

Get him a bike. If you don't think you can trust him to cycle safely, please don't get him driving lessons.

caringcarer · 07/11/2021 21:03

He will be able to have driving lesson soon. You chose to live in area with no public transport. He is not asking you to drive him in middle of night or early hours of morning. I think you will just have to be patient until your son can drive.

MrTulkingIsFeelingHorny · 07/11/2021 21:05

2 miles isn't far. He should be able to walk that. I have always told my DC that anything 2 miles and under is walkable. They were walking that to school when they were 5 and 7, and then back again.

That said, it was perhaps not a great idea to live somewhere with no public transport option, as you always run the risk of having to be the chauffeur.

Girlfriend is not your responsibility. If she wants to stay over, she needs to get herself to college.

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