About giving DS16 lifts

[Speckledhem]

So fed up of giving DS 16 lifts everywhere

Lift to work
Collect from work
Lift to work again if doing overtime
Collect from work
Lift to gf’s most days
Collect from gf’s most days

Each lift is only about 2 miles so only takes 10-15 minutes but the interruption to my day is massively frustrating me. I’m generally either working, studying or seeing to the other children.

Public transport is rubbish where we live and he would end up losing his job as he would be constantly late.

DH doesn’t drive.

If I say no it just seems to create bigger problems, plus it’s freezing cold. I’m also expected to take gf to college once or twice a week when she stays over

It’s really getting me down

WWYD

We do this but it’s because we chose to live somewhere with rubbish public transport

Sorry I think YABU. You picked the house, you should have taken into account public transport vs giving lifts. If the route is safe for bikes then get him a bike and some quality thermals and waterproofs but I'd really think about if its a safe route for an inexperienced rider to be cycling as lack of public transport suggests not a heavily residential area.

I was away this weekend so DH had to do all the lifts for DD (16) and DS (13). It’s a tough stage, but as other have said, it will pass!

If you live somewhere with crap public transport you have to do it. It's why we haven't moved further out yet.

Bike. Or an adult, non electric (as they are illegal in most areas) scooter. But it’s near enough to walk! My 7 yo can walk 1 mile to school easily - with me of course - a 16 yo should be fine with 2 miles.

I don’t think I’d be have gfs or bfs of under 18s to stay during the week though.

Both my DC passed tests at 17 and had a car (funded 50:50 by them and me)
At 16 they walked a lot or got buses unless it was late an night or I was free

Out your foot down about no lifts for f2f but they rest I'd suck up tbh.

What is with all this 'living in a rural area', btw? The OP said it's a couple of miles tops to the destination of choice.

Fair enough if it's 15+ miles off in the arsehole of nowhere, but a couple of miles is a perfectly reasonable distance to expect an able-bodied, NT teenager to be able to negotiate.

(And YY to the the PP who said that if you can't trust said DS to ride a bike, what makes you think a car is going to somehow be better?!)

DS probably works less than that distance from our house but it is an awful road, which has many accidents on it. It is rural, no lights, no pavement. No way would I let him be cycling/walking back along that road at 10pm when he has finished work

I’m extremely lazy but if my journey was 2 miles and I was able bodied then that’s a perfectly doable walk.

Why does DH not drive?

If there's no medical reason for it, it's time he stepped up & learned.
He's a parent, he mutually chose where his kids were going to live, it's his responsibility as much as yours to ensure they have adequate transport.

You’re an absolute mug taking the gf to college. Why doesn’t your dh drive? Are you all confined to quarters if you’re ill, for example?

Where we are they learn to drive at 16 and get provisional license at 18.
We used all of those trips to get practice in and hours up.
Of the 120 hours required for a license, I think 80 % were the 6 minutes to work and back again.

Buy him a hat & gloves, tell him that if he walks fast enough he won't get cold.

I think main issue is that you live somewhere quit rural and your husband has opted out of learning to drive. He has opted for you to do all the running about. How did this come about that you decided to live somewhere where not great public transport wise and have more than one child, with only you driving?

I’d def do the lifts to and from work for your son but I wouldn’t be allowing his gf to stay over at 16 and def wouldn’t be taking on responsibility of her getting to college. Can you not stop that and if you really want to, compromise with her staying over one night at the weekend? It seems like there are a lot of decisions happening in your house that you’re not part of m, but bear the brunt of the impact. I think you need a frank discussion with your husband and son. Good luck x

My 2 sons had mopeds at 16...as a single parent at work i was not always at home to ferry them to there own jobs or mates houses...this was the only solution for us.

Agree you're nearly there. I try to focus on the fact they'll be gone in a couple of years and I'll have plenty of time to miss them, then. He's one of four children too and this is what he needs from you now - part time work, girlfriend- life's next stages
Agree it's frustrating- 3 teens rural living, here. Every Saturday job, every late night pub shift, every after school revision club, let alone socialising.
Can girlfriend's family get her to college or drop him home sometimes.
The worry when they're cycling/driving on country roads isn't much better tbh. And walking in the dark is an urban thing -Are there even footpaths or street lighting where you are?

So what? You think no kid with adhd has ever managed to ride a bike ?cut off the trainingwheels op. Get him a bike. Let him take care of himself

So you think he will be OK driving a car but can’t be trusted to ride 2 miles in a bike?

And you will go to the massive expense of running and insuring a car for a teen rather than him walk occasionally and ride a bike?

My teen with a mobility condition walks 2 miles if he misses the bus.

It's one of those things that is needed to factor in when living somewhere. However, if its only 2 miles he could cycle. I hate to be that person but I don't really get why even after getting a licence he should be driving a 2 mile trip?

This is why I won’t be moving from London. I’m of the view that if you chose to live somewhere with crap public transport and you have kids you need to be responsible for getting them to and from places. My parents always viewed their unpaid taxi roles as the price for choosing a rural life and having two kids.

We weren’t well off by any means but we all had driving lessons for our 17th birthdays.

I used to walk 2 miles to school from the age of 11. Why on earth are you not telling him to walk for some of these journeys? Fine if it’s pouring with rain, but otherwise tell him to walk.

Yes it's a hassle and an interruption, but if your teens are like mine it can be a lovely opportunity for quick chat/check in. Non confrontational, short trip, and generally can be about them, something family related, news related etc. And they do appreciate it, so many of his friends don't have parents that will do this... it really does earn you "parent brownie points". And I would rather know they get from A to B safely, so even though you sometimes really don't want to, as long as they ask nicely, are pleasant in car (not just on phone and grunting) and can cope/work around times I actually can't do it, then I just do it.