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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are your children behind in school after lockdowns?

130 replies

CricketCat · 07/11/2021 11:30

Something bugging me since parents evening.

My son is in year 5 and was already trailing behind in English and Maths in year 3. Then lockdowns happened and he’s lost 2 years of solid study.

On parents evening the teacher told me he’s really behind now and that I need to sit and do homework with him. I told her that I thought year 5 work was independent (I never had help in yr 5) and she said but “he’s really behind, you need to sit and make sure his work is corrected before he submits it. Which felt like she didn’t want to correct his work.

Then when I asked her if she would recommend tutoring, she said yes, so I organised this.

Now I’m feeling really shit; because I couldn’t help him during lockdowns. I had 2 jobs both directly and indirectly involved with covid and things were crazy. Also my dad died during the time which added to stress and it was a horrible.

Is anyone else in this situation? And how much help should I be giving my son, without doing the work for him and making him sit there 1 hour at a time so he can think about his work.

I guess my AIBU is that somehow I’ve been made to feel this is all my fault for not helping him, but we did all school work everyday, with tears and it was a horrible time home schooling. We gave up for weeks and the teachers never contacted us to check how we were and now he’s behind. Is it my fault?

OP posts:
EmoIsntDead · 07/11/2021 11:33

So the teacher recommended you support him with his homework and you said no? Why?

Original poster
CricketCat · 07/11/2021 11:35

I didn’t say no! Where did you read that? I’ve always supported him with his homework. We’ve bought comprehension books for maths and English and I’ve started working with him everyday to help him. I have always helped him, but it’s never without tears and stress from him and me.

My AIBU is, is him being behind somehow my fault because I didn’t do a good enough job, or are there other parents in the same situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
CricketCat · 07/11/2021 11:36

And why do I have to correct his work before it’s submitted? I wonder how much input other parents have in their children’s homework.

OP posts:
HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 07/11/2021 11:37

I don't think it's any one persons 'fault' it's a combination of many things and now you and the school need to work with your son to support him.

The teacher has 20 odd other kids so can't give the 1:1 attention that you can. Do small chunks with him to read a bit of a book he's interested in or work through one of his homework activities. Praise him for trying hard and when he gets things right, and if you can afford a tutor and find one who works well with your son that will be another good add on.

JuneOsborne · 07/11/2021 11:39

At our parents evening, the teacher said that nationally children are behind. Especially in maths. Times tables are a particular problem apparently.

So I imagine you're not the only parent going through this by any stretch.

Bit helping him correct his work speeds everything up. The teacher doesn't have to spend time going over the homework and it lays the foundation for her being able to get on with the planned class activities. Well, that's what I imagine, anyway!

Gardenlass · 07/11/2021 11:41

No, it isn't your fault. Many working parents couldn't give their child enough attention during lockdown.
I don't really see why you should correct his work before it's submitted, that's the teacher's job.

HelloDulling · 07/11/2021 11:44

It’s no one’s fault. He’s behind because
A) he was already behind
B) For half of year 3, and part of year 4 his learning was very disrupted and you eventually abandoned the work set because it was too much to handle.

Hopefully a tutor will identify and then fill the gaps in his learning.

SoupDragon · 07/11/2021 11:46

My AIBU is, is him being behind somehow my fault because I didn’t do a good enough job, or are there other parents in the same situation.

Its an impossible question really. It absolutely isn't your fault because it couldn't be helped. If you were left to flounder with little input from the school then they must take a chunk of the responsibility.

Some children will be behind, some won't. It's affected by so many things. DD's school (secondary) had exceptional lockdown provision so I'm confident she is in as good a position as possible now. We were lucky. Plus she adapted really well.

I absolutely could not have schooled DS2 at all - it would have been a disaster all round. Thankfully he is at Uni!

boomwhacker · 07/11/2021 11:46

We gave up for weeks and now you're surprised he's behind?
Of course you should be supporting him with his homework to give him the best chance of making up for the time that you chose to throw away. Education needs three lots of involvement- teacher, child and parent. You have a responsibility here OP.

Sirzy · 07/11/2021 11:47

If you help him correct his work at the time of doing it you can help him understand where he has gone wrong at the time of doing it so it makes much more sense

Original poster
CricketCat · 07/11/2021 11:48

Thank you for the comments.

Yes, helping him definitely speeds things up, but yesterday I wanted him to think of a word for himself for a sentence and it took him about 20 minutes of sitting and thinking. I’d helped him construct the whole sentence and wanted him to work on the final bit himself. When I sit to do homework, I just get horrible lockdown flashbacks!

I wonder if there’s any support for parents like me, who are experiencing problems like this.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 07/11/2021 11:48

@boomwhacker

We gave up for weeks and now you're surprised he's behind? Of course you should be supporting him with his homework to give him the best chance of making up for the time that you chose to throw away. Education needs three lots of involvement- teacher, child and parent. You have a responsibility here OP.
They "gave up" and were just left with no input from the school. The school had a responsibility, what with it being their actual job
boomwhacker · 07/11/2021 11:50

They "gave up" and were just left with no input from the school

That's not what the OP said. She said that they weren't chased for it, not that work wasn't set. Perhaps the OP can clarify this. If the school set no work during the second lockdown then you should have been complaining to Ofsted as this was a statutory duty.

Cattitudes · 07/11/2021 11:51

Have they screened for any learning disability? I would be pushing for some assessments.

SickAndTiredAgain · 07/11/2021 11:51

you need to sit and make sure his work is corrected before he submits it

I assume by this she meant go through it, explain it, help him understand. If after this the child was still getting it wrong though, surely it’s not useful for the parent to just correct it with the teacher then unaware the child hasn’t got it.

ParmigianoReggiano · 07/11/2021 11:53

It's absolutely not your fault. The unfair thing about lockdown is that some children were affected more than others because of their parents' work situations.

But we are where we are, put aside the guilt / blame and focus on helping him catch up. Supporting his homework and getting a tutor sound like good first steps.

Dozer · 07/11/2021 11:54

Sadly schools are not resourced to help DC to progress, so it does come down to what you are able to do and fund. It’s hard.

boomwhacker · 07/11/2021 12:07

Just to give some context, during the first lockdown, my youngest daughter's school set no work. It wasn't statutory at that point so the didn't bother. I subscribed to Twinkl, downloaded the National Curriculum information for her year group and signed up to various online platforms (Times Tables Rock Stars etc). All at my expense (though none of these are hugely costly) and all in the interest of avoiding huge gaps in her educational experience. She worked a school day, every day, next to me while I did my own work (I was working from home at the same time). It was tough, I don't deny it but she flourished and made progress. She ended up going back to school far ahead of where she would have been if Covid never happened.

The school were awful. We complained to them and about them to the Governors and Ofsted and ultimately moved our child to a different school. What I did do though was see that I had a part to play in this and I wasn't prepared to let her down, even if her school did. I was totally aware of others who did what the OP did and didn't bother. They went for walks and played in the garden- all good fun I'm sure. If my child wasn't ahead of those who chose that path then I would be concerned that she was being held back to be honest.

LuaDipa · 07/11/2021 12:11

It’s not your fault. I worked through the entirety of each lockdown as did dh. Neither of us were in a position to help. Thankfully my kids are older and more able to work independently and when ds decided to slack off a bit the school were very quick to pick up on this and let me know.

It’s fortunate that op is able to help and can afford a tutor but what about those children with parents who won’t, or more likely can’t help. Should those kids be left behind because teachers don’t want to spend time correcting their work?

Original poster
CricketCat · 07/11/2021 12:13

To clarify, The school set work everyday online. If the work wasn’t submitted they wouldn’t chase up or ask if there were any problems. So we dipped in and out of work. I feel like they should have kept an eye on us to see if children were okay, especially for core subjects. As the work built up, ds would naturally get overwhelmed and it was just stressful for us all.

@cattitudes My younger dd yr 3 hasn’t had any major problems, and her teacher was happy with her at parents evening, so I do also wonder if he has any learning difficulties. He’s very sharp and quick witted in personality but academically not.

OP posts:
Original poster
CricketCat · 07/11/2021 12:14

I understand all those saying it’s easier to mark work at home with him rather than wait for teacher. I will continue to do this, but it feels like cheating when I literally sit and do his homework for him some days.

OP posts:
boomwhacker · 07/11/2021 12:20

To clarify, The school set work everyday online. If the work wasn’t submitted they wouldn’t chase up or ask if there were any problems. So we dipped in and out of work. I feel like they should have kept an eye on us to see if children were okay, especially for core subjects. As the work built up, ds would naturally get overwhelmed and it was just stressful for us all

So the school set work which you chose not to do and you're upset at the school for not "keeping an eye on you"?? Surely you could have contacted the school if you had concerns that he was struggling? It sounds like the work built up only because you didn't do it? The expectation at primary level was 3 hours learning a day which is hardly excessive.

Original poster
CricketCat · 07/11/2021 12:21

@LuaDipa yes, similarly my eldest who was in year 7 and 8 during lockdowns flourished because their school kept an eye on how well they were doing. They had phone calls with me every 2 weeks and it just felt like they cared.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 07/11/2021 12:23

I don’t think that “fault” is a helpful thing to dwell on here.

The tutor is a great idea. My experience is that children can be unwilling to do work “for” a parent, but are happy with a tutor. There’s none of the added emotional drama too - the relationship with a parent is far more complicated!

During lockdown my child would be soooo resistant to doing something with me, full tantrum - then (right in front of me!) - show off that sane piece of work that had resulted in tears and shouting - to her tutor on zoom, lapping up the praise for it!

Whether school should or shouldn’t fill the gap, whether they have the time to do so… what’s the point in focusing on that?

You’ve got the tutor now which is great - look forward not back.

Original poster
CricketCat · 07/11/2021 12:28

@boomwhacker you seem to want to have a fight. I haven’t come in here for that. Yes we didn’t do the work, because it was stressful, so we dipped in and out. Even if I had contacted the school, they would have said it’s fine we’re not doing work, and left it at that, as I had emailed in the summer and was told the same. Are you a teacher?

3 hours learning a day doesn’t sound like much, but multiply it by 2 for 2 children, and one secondary school child for a parent who is also wfh and going off to work in the evening to another job.

OP posts: