Are your children behind in school after lockdowns?

[CricketCat]

Something bugging me since parents evening.

My son is in year 5 and was already trailing behind in English and Maths in year 3. Then lockdowns happened and he’s lost 2 years of solid study.

On parents evening the teacher told me he’s really behind now and that I need to sit and do homework with him. I told her that I thought year 5 work was independent (I never had help in yr 5) and she said but “he’s really behind, you need to sit and make sure his work is corrected before he submits it. Which felt like she didn’t want to correct his work.

Then when I asked her if she would recommend tutoring, she said yes, so I organised this.

Now I’m feeling really shit; because I couldn’t help him during lockdowns. I had 2 jobs both directly and indirectly involved with covid and things were crazy. Also my dad died during the time which added to stress and it was a horrible.

Is anyone else in this situation? And how much help should I be giving my son, without doing the work for him and making him sit there 1 hour at a time so he can think about his work.

I guess my AIBU is that somehow I’ve been made to feel this is all my fault for not helping him, but we did all school work everyday, with tears and it was a horrible time home schooling. We gave up for weeks and the teachers never contacted us to check how we were and now he’s behind. Is it my fault?

@CricketCat

I understand all those saying it’s easier to mark work at home with him rather than wait for teacher. I will continue to do this, but it feels like cheating when I literally sit and do his homework for him some days.

Nobody has said do it for him. You support him along the way and if he really doesn’t understand it then you send a message to the teacher explaining that.

“To clarify, The school set work everyday online. If the work wasn’t submitted they wouldn’t chase up or ask if there were any problems. So we dipped in and out of work. I feel like they should have kept an eye on us to see if children were okay, especially for core subjects. As the work built up, ds would naturally get overwhelmed and it was just stressful for us all.“

I think you’re being unreasonable there. You equally could have contacted them. Amongst my group of parent friends, they were fairly evenly split between wanting school to be chasing every piece, and being glad that they weren’t. Another parent could say, “I’m glad they weren’t following up every missed piece and recognised that we had to dip in and out, because it was overwhelming for him otherwise and we were all stressed.”

I'm shocked that the school didn't offer him a place during lockdowns if he was already behind! My then 13 year old was offered a place as I was working and he was struggling with remote learning and the social isolation.

Thanks for the supportive messages.
I really just need to hear these so I can start focusing on helping him back on track. Yes there’s no point on dwelling on who’s fault it is etc.

I probably sound like a horrible parent, but I do care about his education. My other 2 seemed to be fine. I just took my eye off the ball with him.

There's no point looking backwards. I am sure you did the best you could at the time and you are still doing the best you can going forward. It was a crap two years at school, some children found it harder than others.
The tutor sounds really positive.

3 hours learning a day doesn’t sound like much, but multiply it by 2 for 2 children, and one secondary school child for a parent who is also wfh and going off to work in the evening to another job

I'm not really sure I understand this to be honest. You don't need to multiply it as surely they would have been working at the same time? I also have two children and WFH full time throughout both lockdowns. DH was at work full time throughout and so wasn't available to help. I'm not saying it was easy- no one could say that- but it wasn't impossible either.

Yes I suppose I should have told them we were struggling, but I guess I got caught up in the whole “we’re in this covid fight together” and didn’t want to disturb the teachers as they were probably having a hard time already with wfh and their own children.

I don’t know. I’m hoping the tutoring helps him, we’ll see in a few months.

I think you’re wrong that the teacher doesn’t want to correct his homework herself.
When she wants you to correct it, she’s talking about guiding and teaching him, not just right / wrong marking.
Yes, that’s not easy for some parents. And for some children, it’s not easy being guided by parents.
But it’s not cheating. That’s an odd way to look at it.
If he gets 2/10 in maths and you tell him the answers and he gets 10/10 - that’s cheating.
If you talk him through it and explain why the 10 answers are what they are - even if he still wouldn’t get 10/10 on a fresh equivalent test independently - it’s still valuable.
And if he could now get 10/10 - fantastic!
Cheating really doesn’t come into it.
If 10 questions are too much for him, pick 5 or 3 or 1 - and do that thoroughly with him.

Sadly many parents can’t support children at home, but those that can - should.

Co

Well done @boomwhacker, guess you win parent of the year then.

I'm a teacher, in my class there is a huge range of where children are. Some are ahead, they had a lot of parental involvement in their education and/or online tutors. Others are in your situation and children are behind. Others are around average / on track. Some children have continued with their tutors so there is a huge gap between the highest and lowest attaining in my class presently.

The mix of ahead/on track/ average depends on class by class. It may be the mix in your sons class is mostly ahead, but the teacher will be aware this isn't the case throughout every class and should have reassured it wasn't just your son. I suspect by checking it she means supporting him understand the concepts, rather than changing answers to be right. A tutor will work in place of that too.

My children have sen so struggle academically anyway but I believe covid has caused them to become even further behind.

The teacher sounds like an ass. It's not your fault.

Your sons in year 5 so his last full undisrupted year year at school was in year 2 - the school need to think about that!

Of course, as parents we should help our dc with their homework and encourage them but with work and other commitments it's hard. I have tears and screaming fits when trying to get Ds to do any homework.

You are certainly not alone.

@Cocomarine that’s really helpful, thank you. I think the cheating comes from my own school days where I never had help from parents. I don’t think I have 1 teaching bone in my body!

@boomwhacker

3 hours learning a day doesn’t sound like much, but multiply it by 2 for 2 children, and one secondary school child for a parent who is also wfh and going off to work in the evening to another job

I'm not really sure I understand this to be honest. You don't need to multiply it as surely they would have been working at the same time? I also have two children and WFH full time throughout both lockdowns. DH was at work full time throughout and so wasn't available to help. I'm not saying it was easy- no one could say that- but it wasn't impossible either.

Parent of the year here 😅

Dp worked throughout at his work place (not at home), I myself did not work at all during both lockdowns and I still really struggled to get dc to do all the work, not helped that they have sen. I must be a really shite mum 😅

It's another layer of parent guilt. I worked full time through the lockdowns out of home so my children had to get on with it themselves (I'm a single parent). I had a Y6 and a Y9. My younger child has caught up but my older one has GCSEs this year and the gaps from missing much of Y9 and some of Y10 are noticeable. Definitely not our fault, or the teachers. It is just a point of helping where we can now.

@usernumberno46273

My children have sen so struggle academically anyway but I believe covid has caused them to become even further behind.

The teacher sounds like an ass. It's not your fault.

Your sons in year 5 so his last full undisrupted year year at school was in year 2 - the school need to think about that!

Of course, as parents we should help our dc with their homework and encourage them but with work and other commitments it's hard. I have tears and screaming fits when trying to get Ds to do any homework.

You are certainly not alone.

Why is the teacher "an ass" for pointing out that the child is behind and struggling and suggesting ways to improve?

Pretty sure that's part of a teacher's job.

Regardless of whose fault it is you now have a son who is significantly behind so need to do everything you can to make sure he gets back on track. I would also make another appointment with the teacher to discuss a plan of action/how progress will be measured etc. Don’t let him go into year 6 significantly behind.

[quote CricketCat]@Cocomarine that’s really helpful, thank you. I think the cheating comes from my own school days where I never had help from parents. I don’t think I have 1 teaching bone in my body![/quote]
I really think you need to drop the idea of “cheating”! Cheating is where you kiddo it for them, for some gain for them - like a prize for anyone doing 10/10.

In Y6 (just before we’d heard of Covid!) I got my child to do a SATs maths paper, to benchmark where she was. A week later - her class teacher set the same one! She got 100% and was the talk of the year. I had parents from the other two form entry year text and say, “I heard…” She herself just shrugged to her classmates and said, “yeah - you know what my mum’s like - I did that last week!”

I actually emailed her teacher to explain - and gave her the home result, but explained that she could now do it all.

So she didn’t CHEAT. She LEARNED.
And the next school paper that we hadn’t done - she got 100% again.

Honestly, drop any thoughts of cheating and reframing it as learning! That’s what it really is.

I worked full time through the lockdowns out of home

Presumably you classed as a key worker if working out of the home throughout? Could you have accessed in school provision?

I wonder if there’s any support for parents like me, who are experiencing problems like this

Sir Kevan Collins was hired by the government to advise what to do to help the kids catch up. He recommended a £15 billion catch-up programme. The government countered with a couple of billion that they are paying to private tutoring companies (probably their mates again) and the whole thing is a shambles. Sir Kevan Collins resigned in disgust.

Not much interest on MN when this came out though.

So basically your kids can’t expect the govt to help them and if you don’t do it yourself, they will not do as well as they should.

@boomwhacker - that rather depends how much support your child needs and how much the school were doing online or in terms of self suffiecient work and then how many devices your house had to do the work on.

I think children with working parents who worked throughout but didn’t have a key worker place have suffered and fallen behind.

The thing is some kids just didn't engage with home learning. My dd was ok. My ds was an absolute nightmare. I tell the school that and they barely believe me because at school he's the complete opposite but we would literally have screaming tantrums every day- zero chance of him sitting next to me and doing Twinkle worksheets all day while I worked. We had home school for months and months on end (not UK). I literally cried tears of joy when schools reopened.

Definitely not our fault, or the teachers. It is just a point of helping where we can now.

Absolutely agree with this.

OP, try to be kind to yourself and DS-it was a very tough period for all and understandable you did what you did to get through it all.

Neither you nor the school were in the wrong back then (they probably didn’t want to add to your stress by continually chasing for work and assumed you would contact them if you needed help) and what matters now is supporting your DS if you can.

Some children are better at ‘working independently’ than others, at any age and sounds like your DS needs support from you for a little bit longer. There are even secondary aged children who still need support with homework.

If you have time, a good way to not ‘do the homework for him’ is at the start, to prompt him with different ways of asking the question or understanding the task until he does know what’s required of him, then let him answer himself (you don’t have to sit with him for this bit) and then go through his answers with him afterwards, praising him when he has done well and showing him any areas that need correcting and help him understand why.

Try to see it as quality one on one time with you and DS, rather than a chore (easier said than done though, I know!)

Not your fault. Don't get caught up in the perfect parent parade on here. Gobshites.
Everyone is different, every kid is different, every parent is different, every home situation is different. LOTS of kids are behind. Some kids learn better in a school environment than their mother trying to teach/help/encourage them.
Guilt won't help you or your son. Listening to Ma Walton on here who is bleating on about how she managed to teach both her kids at the simultaneously while working from home all while having a sweeping brush up her arse so she could clean the floor at the same time...that shite helps nobody. Don't be drawn into it.
You cared enough to post here and ask for help and opinions, pick out the helpful ones and let the boastful bollox go over your head. It's bullshit.

that rather depends how much support your child needs and how much the school were doing online or in terms of self suffiecient work and then how many devices your house had to do the work on

Oh I don't doubt that. Primary level work is not hugely device dependant though- certainly not all day. She was only in year 1 the first time and 2 the second time so certainly needed, and got, support from me- hence the reason she was sat next to me. Again, it wasn't perfect and it wasn't easy but it was possible.