Are your children behind in school after lockdowns?

[CricketCat]

Something bugging me since parents evening.

My son is in year 5 and was already trailing behind in English and Maths in year 3. Then lockdowns happened and he’s lost 2 years of solid study.

On parents evening the teacher told me he’s really behind now and that I need to sit and do homework with him. I told her that I thought year 5 work was independent (I never had help in yr 5) and she said but “he’s really behind, you need to sit and make sure his work is corrected before he submits it. Which felt like she didn’t want to correct his work.

Then when I asked her if she would recommend tutoring, she said yes, so I organised this.

Now I’m feeling really shit; because I couldn’t help him during lockdowns. I had 2 jobs both directly and indirectly involved with covid and things were crazy. Also my dad died during the time which added to stress and it was a horrible.

Is anyone else in this situation? And how much help should I be giving my son, without doing the work for him and making him sit there 1 hour at a time so he can think about his work.

I guess my AIBU is that somehow I’ve been made to feel this is all my fault for not helping him, but we did all school work everyday, with tears and it was a horrible time home schooling. We gave up for weeks and the teachers never contacted us to check how we were and now he’s behind. Is it my fault?

1 2 1 support and supervision at home with homework is part of being a good parent

At DDs' primary school.we were told that letting them get on with it themselves was being a good parent. They need to be able to by secondary school. If you and they can actually navigate all the bloody apps required and purchase all the tech required, that is.

@ElftonWednesday

1 2 1 support and supervision at home with homework is part of being a good parent

At DDs' primary school.we were told that letting them get on with it themselves was being a good parent. They need to be able to by secondary school. If you and they can actually navigate all the bloody apps required and purchase all the tech required, that is.

Bloody hell, not my experience with a 14 & 15 year old! You’d have to have an extraordinarily well self motivated teenager for that to work. Letting them get in with it would have meant they lay in bed until 5pm.

@likeafishneedsabike ok so 16 missed parents evening. Sure some won’t give a shit or not be bothered but how many work evening shifts - nurses, drs, paramedics, factory workers, supermarket workers or anything have antisocial hours, not everyone works 8-4 and can take time off on a whim. How many might be ill with covid or caring for family with covid ? How many might have other kids parents evenings or hobbies to drop off and pick up at that night? How many aren’t confident with zoom or teams and have had bad experiences and thought ‘sod that’ before even booking an appointment? Probably a lot!

I really feel for you OP. It has been an awful couple of years and the pressure on so many parents and children has been horrible. Maths in particular, seems to have caused issues for people as modern day methods are often very different from the methods that were taught to parents (even if the outcomes are the same). Children, especially those who already struggle, are often more confused when multiple methods are introduced. I found that a range of workbooks by a company called CGP worked well for my children. They are quite cheap to buy, have workbooks and accompanying instruction booklets in which methods are thoroughly explained in an engaging and child friendly way and cover a massive range of topics and age ranges/abilities. I bought mine online. Obviously, what works for one won't for another but maybe worth looking into.
I wish you the very best of luck.

It doesn't seem to have impacted my kids. And i was working from home 'full time' whilst attempting to home school them so am no supermum. They seemed to have caught up quickly. I worried about it at first. But realised it was only primary and they would find their level again eventually.

I think you have to be realistic about what you can achieve when they are already at school full time. 10 mins a day with young children is enough to make a different. 20 mins on one of the weekend days. And at least one/two days a week where they get a total mental break so they are not turned off totally and overwhelmed.

They will get there eventually

@VestaTilley

1 2 1 support and supervision at home with homework is part of being a good parent.

No sense bearing yourself up about it now, but you (and DP, if there is one) do need to sit with DS every night for an hour doing reading, spelling and maths or whatever is set.

I don’t think it’s so much correcting DS’s work as going through it with him, getting him to talk to you about his working’s out and why he’s written each answer- so it sticks in more. It’s crucial if the teacher is telling you you really need to do this.

That may be reasonable in "peacetime" and with a two parent family but for a lot of parents working throughout the pandemic it simply wasn't possible to "sit with DS every night for an hour doing reading, spelling and maths".

I was working from about 6am through on and off until about 6pm (on a good day), then also had to factor in shopping, preparing meals, housework, exercise and spending time with DD. I could take breaks obviously at points throughout the day and I did step away from my work to check DD was working on track and make sure she was following through with work but I simply couldn't have set aside an hour to go through this every night. I would have been lucky to have been able to do that one night a week. And I don't have a DP (well I do but he doesn't live with us and we didn't see one another for three months during lockdown). So there was precisely no-one around to help with any of this.

This was the part that went missing during COVID and the part that the entire educational system failed to anticipate and plan for and which continues to leave many children behind now. And this is the part that made people like me feel really exposed and angry. We felt like we were being thrown under a bus at both ends: work setting unrealistic and ludicrously family-unfriendly expectations for productivity and schools taking it as read that you would clear the decks to support children. There simply weren't enough hours in the day to do either of these things properly, let alone both.

As I've said before, a lot of parents who were struggling with their own and their children's mental health took the view that the most important thing was to get the family through the whole hideous affair without a major mental health incident. My daughter required counselling to get through it.

Clearly now things have normalised somewhat there's some catching up to do and parents do need to give their children extra support.

But it would be nice if those parents who were lucky enough to be able to provide that optimal level of support had the sensitivity and the empathy to realise that simply wasn't an option for a lot of families. And its those families who now need the most support.

Just wanted to say you are absolutely not alone in this OP. My situation was exactly the same, parental death and both of us key workers working vile hours on the pandemic response.

DC did have KW space, but during lock down 1 the focus was on play and well being, which was entirely appropriate and we were very grateful for it. There was no teaching, no reading. We were surviving.

The gap for us is reading and writing. I really focused on this over summer and we have made some progress but it is an uphill challenge that has a knock on effect in terms of their confidence.

I'm just glad we're all alive tbh. It was a very dark time.

Don’t feel guilty - it sounds like it was an awful time. Year 5 gives plenty of time to catch up. You helping with homework plus tutor and doing like 20min on weekends and throughout the holidays will help (small chunks regularly). Mine also can struggle to settle and focus. I usually give them a boxed time (to do something within their capability - eg thinking of a word) - if they do it, they get a reward, if they don’t they miss out that day. It probably won’t work for every child, but it seems to work with mine.

[quote Blueeyedgirl21]@likeafishneedsabike ok so 16 missed parents evening. Sure some won’t give a shit or not be bothered but how many work evening shifts - nurses, drs, paramedics, factory workers, supermarket workers or anything have antisocial hours, not everyone works 8-4 and can take time off on a whim. How many might be ill with covid or caring for family with covid ? How many might have other kids parents evenings or hobbies to drop off and pick up at that night? How many aren’t confident with zoom or teams and have had bad experiences and thought ‘sod that’ before even booking an appointment? Probably a lot![/quote]
I get what you’re saying, especially the part about confidence with the tech.
I remember in 2019 I had a VERY low ability group and all of the parents turned up to in person parents’ eve (barring a couple who truly didn’t care). I would be willing to bet that not one of those would have booked an online appointment. The only parents who booked online last week were for higher ability girls working above their target grade.

the part that the entire educational system failed to anticipate and plan for

I don’t think it’s entirely surprising that schools failed to plan for a situation where schools closed for months.

It should also be acknowledged that while parents were struggling with their own mental health and that of their children, many teachers are parents too and were having the same struggles at home. There was also no guidance or support from the government and schools were basically left to muddle their way through providing home learning (unspecified by the govt, and parents complained whatever was provided, there was no winning there) while simultaneously providing keyworker provision AND picking up the slack in other areas such as providing food for free school meal children.

If your son was already behind in y3 then this isn’t just a Covid issue. Are there underlying SEN/ additional needs? Is he just not that bright/not academic/hasn’t learned how to apply himself?

We both worked full time during lockdowns with a Y2-3 and pre-schooler to home school. It’s fair to say we did the bare minimum of school set work, very few of the zoom guided reading sessions or anything else on zoom because we were working around our own zooms! What we did do was take a more learning focused approach to other things - when I was learning how to use digital learning packages for work my older one was designing mini-courses on topics of his interest right next to me, when we cooked we focused on maths skills, he built a Minecraft server and coded a modpack

The ‘school day’ was mostly late afternoon and weekends.

In his class those who were behind pre Covid are behind now, those who weren’t behind aren’t behind now. The gap has widened but that’s inevitable if the KS1 concepts haven’t been cemented by way into KS2

My child is year 4 and also behind. I have to help a lot with homework. Without help and me sitting over her she would submit nothing.
During lockdown I also realised she was years behind on reading. July born and immature for age. I wish she could drop a year, but she'd never forgive me.

And the Twinkl worksheets provided by the school were shite

Oak Academy, Khan Academy, BBC Bitesize are all so much better

Sure some won’t give a shit or not be bothered but how many work evening shifts - nurses, drs, paramedics, factory workers, supermarket workers or anything have antisocial hours, not everyone works 8-4 and can take time off on a whim. How many might be ill with covid or caring for family with covid ? How many might have other kids parents evenings or hobbies to drop off and pick up at that night? How many aren’t confident with zoom or teams and have had bad experiences and thought ‘sod that’ before even booking an appointment?

Parents Evenings don’t just come out of the blue-for parents as you list, who genuinely cannot make it, due to shift work or medical/extra-curricular reasons, most will email the school to say that and request a phone call another time or emailed feedback, for example instead, if they want to be involved.

The sad fact is, is that there are parents out there, who are either not interested in their child’s education or instead, believe that the school should do everything. That does affect a child’s outcomes. Pandemic or no pandemic.

However, this is definitely not the OP and her situation.

Honestly in your circumstances I would let him do his homework himself and the correct it .. anything he was getting wrong I'd go over with him and explain it again..
Lots of us are playing a little bit of catch up and I'd rather spend the time doing that than playing the blame game/ If he is smart he should catch up in no time.

@noblegiraffe

the part that the entire educational system failed to anticipate and plan for

I don’t think it’s entirely surprising that schools failed to plan for a situation where schools closed for months.

It should also be acknowledged that while parents were struggling with their own mental health and that of their children, many teachers are parents too and were having the same struggles at home. There was also no guidance or support from the government and schools were basically left to muddle their way through providing home learning (unspecified by the govt, and parents complained whatever was provided, there was no winning there) while simultaneously providing keyworker provision AND picking up the slack in other areas such as providing food for free school meal children.

I agree with that and I agree that teachers had arguably the worst time of any class of person during COVID. In no way am I blaming teachers for this: that blame lies squarely at the feet of the government.

But it was noticeable that there was a collective lack of empathy on the part of some parts of the school system as to how hard it was for most parents to keep up with the schoolwork that was set and a failure to really engage with this.

Again, I can only speak from my own experience but in my case it was quite striking from the communication that came to us during lockdown how much the school seemed to assume that there was a parent who had time to basically step into the breach.

We would get communications saying things like "just a reminder that all children should be doing two hours supervised work every morning" etc. And yet none of the work submitted would ever get marked or even commented upon. In reality there was no way in hell I would be able to set aside two hours in a morning to supervise school work and I'm sure I wasn't alone. It didn't take a great deal of imagination to figure out that not every parent was in a position to manage this.

Again, I'm not surprised teachers struggled with this as a lot of them were just focused on their own survival. But I'm suggesting that this sort of attitude probably had ramifications for the parents on the receiving end and probably didn't do much for their motivation.

My teacher friends say most children are behind academically and their behavior generally is atrocious.

My employer is funding tutors for parents as a new employee benefit.

she said but “he’s really behind, you need to sit and make sure his work is corrected before he submits it. Which felt like she didn’t want to correct his work.

What the teacher was really asking was that you get involved and help support him with his work.

Oh agree on the behaviour front. And it’s not kids faults they’re just a bit ‘lost’ I think. I work in alternative provision We have 16year olds who were fine in year 9, which was their last proper year of school. Y10 and 11 were write offs. A lot have become young carers for parents with MH issues, families have split, grandparents who were very involved with families who struggled have passed away leaving trauma responses. Now they can’t cope, are at the same level of maths/English as in year 9, have almost ptsd like reactions to zoom/teams and just want to be out of the house, in an educational setting, but not in class because they physically can’t concentrate. It’s a can of worms !

@CricketCat

And why do I have to correct his work before it’s submitted? I wonder how much input other parents have in their children’s homework.

Maybe she means he needs to correct it. Self-assessment is a big thing in schools, he needs to be able to look at his work and see how he could improve it. She could mean that his work seems a bit careless - is he just bunging down any old thing just to get it done? Does t make sense? And don't do his homework for him, how will that help? If he is choosing not to do it, his teacher needs to know that.

Also there was a lack of understanding, certainly from DD1's school, that even high ability kids don't just teach themselves new material. Sitting in lessons for hours a day is fine but being asked to be confined to a bedroom for hours a day isn't. The work rate cannot be the same. I expect the teachers were panicking and just trying to get them through everything they needed for GCSE. But if they ever fell behind it was impossible to catch up, and it made DD1, who had always had a mature approach to her work, really depressed.

The school set work everyday online. If the work wasn’t submitted they wouldn’t chase up or ask if there were any problems. So we dipped in and out of work. I feel like they should have kept an eye on us to see if children were okay, especially for core subjects.

It's not about fault but yabu for expecting the school to be individually chasing/encouraging you to do the work set. It was hard for most working parents, they couldnt chase everyone.

We submit homework as it is done by the child. If they ask we will talk through possible ways.
If, glancing at it or from comments made it is apparent that dont get it, we try on a seperate piece of paper. But there is no point submitting perfect homework if it doesnt reflect the knowledge gained in class. Better to let the teacher know what proportion didnt undersrandctge lesson, and do what needs a recap.

So yes, I will help my child, but school gets to see the childs understanding of the topic not Mummy's understanding and Google ability.

I think initially you came across like you didn’t agree with sitting with your child doing homework as he was in Year 5. I think you need to keep doing short bursts with him otherwise the gap will get even bigger.

I do sympathise, we were nothing working throughout, I was in tears most days seeing the lovely fun activities some of my friends on furlough were doing or those that are SAHP but I made myself do it, made us do it and m6 children aren’t top of the class but I’m glad I did. That was a time we had to take responsibility for our children’s learning and I think too many people are shrugging and saying it’s because of COVID, not realising that it doesn’t matter, they’ve got to catch up.

some children don't start school until their five.
At age four some years ago the school started pushing homework on us.
I refused to do it and didn't force mine to do it as she was learning a lot anyway in life.

Didn't push it age five either.

Despite lock downs and ten months home schooling (or maybe because of it) she got nine A stars in G.C.S.E's.

Part of what the teacher is saying is due to her own anxieties.