Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Just had to tell my 11 year old she has BO

118 replies

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 06/11/2021 20:44

My 11 year old DD smells. She does a lot of sport and our rule is “you come in from training, you go straight to the shower” but she isn’t great at using the products in the shower.

For someone that has a shower every day and on 4 days a week, 2 showers a day, she has very greasy hair.

She “had a bath” after training this morning as she preferred that to a shower. She landed on top of me an hour ago and I told her she needed to start using her deodorant every day and washing properly in her showers.

It’s a conversation I’ve had to have in lif with both her sisters and my mum has had to have with me.

So now everyone hates me, my husband has just rocked in from the pub and is furious with me…

I don’t want her to be bullied, and I know her periods will start soon (all our girls started around 11 in primary school) and she needs to know how to take care of herself through puberty and the reality is that you can’t be subtle about smelling and taking care of yourself.

Everyone is furious with me but AIBU to think it has to be a blunt conversation

OP posts:

Iggly · 06/11/2021 22:57

I’ve always made of a point of being blunt with ds but never in front of anyone else, and never in a harsh way. Eg I’ll say “you need to shower and use soap because the sweat smells otherwise”.

I point out how I smell after I’ve run etc and explain that’s why we have regular showers.

But I don’t like to humiliate him, that’s not very nice.

callmeadoctor · 06/11/2021 23:05

There is no need to be blunt about it though, just a reminder to shower in the morning.............................

Larryyourwaiter · 06/11/2021 23:07

I got this stuff for DD as she was really really bad for a while, however I assume it was hormonal and she stopped smelling so bad.

Trust Underarm Deodorant - Long-Lasting Odour Prevention www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B005HXL74I/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_ZM2VRHTY4CCSJ7ZJ0AXE?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 06/11/2021 23:09

A conversation at some point, yes, but why blunt? I treat my kids as I’d want to be treated so a lot of empathy and understanding would be way forward for me. If they still don’t get it, then just keep trying in a positive way!

PaddingtonStareBare · 06/11/2021 23:09

@Larryyourwaiter that's we use here too :)

CharityDingle · 06/11/2021 23:10

I do wish your husband hadn't 'rocked in' though.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 06/11/2021 23:23

@Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint

Exactly I've not had a problem with smelly DC as from an early age I've shown them how to keep clean & explained that soap is better than shower gel especially re arm pits/leg pits etc. Tbh I've had the odd pre teenage 'I can't be bothered to shower/why do I have to have another shower' wail but a quick 'well it's up to you but don't come moaning to me when your friends say you stink' has done the trick.

Zanina · 06/11/2021 23:25

Honestly I'd just ignore her reaction. She knows fine well she just didn't like being confronted. If she carries on then somebody in school will tell her. It's her problem and her dad can get over it

Iggly · 06/11/2021 23:27

By blunt I mean clear about it, so there’s no ambiguity. My ds is the king of finding loopholes so straight to the point works best for him!

fridgehelp · 06/11/2021 23:27

If she is washing her hair everyday, probably why it ends up greasy.

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 06/11/2021 23:33

Many pre teens have problems with washing their hair as if not shown how to do it properly they don't get their hair wet enough to start with, use too much shampoo & don't spend enough time rinsing said shampoo. Plus they tend to put conditioner on from the roots down to the ends rather just the ends & don't rinse properly.
Giving them a leave in/spray in conditioner avoids this.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/11/2021 00:27

@fridgehelp

If she is washing her hair everyday, probably why it ends up greasy.

Depends on your hair. DD and me have bolt straight, blonde hair. Every two days is really pushing it. We do that but any more and it would he rank. Curly and dark? I'd leave it a week.

Monday55 · 07/11/2021 01:29

What does your DD use to exfoliate her skin with ? It's good to scrub your skin at least once a week to get rid of dead skin cells. Most people just rub a bit of soap on their skin and get out the shower.. you might have to show her how to shower, I definitely remember getting lessons from my grandma on how to scrub when I was around 8yrs old.

Member984815 · 07/11/2021 08:42

Have had this conversation with my own daughter similar age , I then actually showed her how to clean herself thoroughly I think a lot of the time kids think it's enough to stand under the shower and just rub shower gel on their skin when really they need a good scrub with a washcloth or loofah

OutdoorHousePlant · 07/11/2021 08:46

Better now than later in life. This is a conversation I have had to have with many young apprentices at work when the smell has become too unbearable in the office. By that point not only is it about awareness but we also have to teach them how. It is a skill as adults we forget needs to be taught. Not just to wipe the soap over pur bodies or to flop some shampoo on your hair but to get it into your scalp with your fingers and rub your skin gently with soap. As someone else said shower gel does not always work well for particularly hormonal people, soap is often better. How did she respond to you saying to use deodorant properly? Could she be using it but it is one that does not work for her?

fairymouse · 07/11/2021 08:48

Blimey me and ds always tell each other when we stink! Nothing to be embarrassed about within a family surely ? In fact ds will come in and tell me when he stinks!

Northernsoullover · 07/11/2021 09:05

Can we just quit with the myth that washing your hair every day makes it greasy? Some of us produce too much oil. If I wash mine in the morning the grease is apparent by evening. I'm 49 and have tried sulfate free, shampoo bars, no shampoo, oily hair shampoo. I'm just a grease ball. I don't wash it every day if I'm not leaving the house but I can't leave it unwashed if I'm going out.
If I brush my hair the day after it's been washed it will actually stick to my head like brylcreem .

Of course it's fine and poker straight. A grease trap.

NotMyCat · 07/11/2021 11:52

Maybe show her some of these on YouTube? There is loads of hygiene/shop with me videos
I don't recommend this whole channel as there is some adult themes but this video is fine and shows her actually showering and talking about products

Flip

1 2 3 4 5