Help me turn around my terrible eating toddler

[DeepaBeesKit]

DD is 2. Prem baby, never had a big appetite and is underweight. NHS are largely useless in offering any help/understanding how stressful it is when you have a child won't eat and is not putting on enough weight.

Used to eat a better variety of food but rapidly become awful- refusing to eat much of anything except breadsticks/crackers, chips, cereal etc....rejecting most meat, vegetables, fruit.

Attempts to simply not make available the preferred snackier foods means she just eats basically nothing and is not gaining weight.

Any advice please? No other developmental concerns at all, no sensory issues etc. Loads of speech, good motor skills etc.

Your job is to provide a range of food, hers is to decide what to eat. It's fine to limit the "snackier" items or not offer them at a particular meal but not if you are going to stress about her not eating, keep everything stress free. With my ds1 (tiny, underweight, full if allergies, appetite like a bird) I'd find he'd eat at the next meal if he skipped one, even if the food was identical. His appetite eventually picked up around age 4.

Could you spread something on the crackers, OP?

I know this and have been trying to stick to it but seriously - growth is a big issue. She is only 2nd% for weight.

In my experience, the more you battle the fussiness, the more it bites. Just keep offering a range of foods, things you want her to eat alongside things you know she will eat and keep biting your tongue. She is at the age where she is learning that she can control what she puts in her body, it will pass. Does she get involved with food prep at all? That can help, simple things where she can try the raw ingredients in a non-pressurised setting. Do you do food play? It is so hard OP but my once extremely limited eater now eats a wider range of food than his non fussy sister does.

The problem I have with the "its up to you to simply offer the food, its up to them to eat it", is having done it, it's an approach designed to change the parent's view of things, it doesnt result in an increase to the amount or range of food eaten by the child.

I'm looking for any tips to improve appetite and range of foods eaten, in a shorter time frame than waiting several years

I used to make our son a snack plate. You can use a ice cube tray. Put bits of cheese, cut grapes, raisin, cucumbers anything you can think. Bits of chicken, etc and put it in front of her and she can pick at anything. If she doesn't then take it away for later. Don't offer what she likes see if it works.

I'm also struggling with her pestering for various foods, either at meal times or other times, then if I give her them, she does not eat them. So I feel I cannot even trust her to indicate her food preferences, I'm getting tired of throwing away wasted food she's asked for.

Will she eat dairy? Mine loves plain yogurt and will eat babybels, dips for breadsticks? Hummus? Peanut butter?

My DD is going through similar thing (not underweight though) all meat except salmon and beef kebab are rejected all veg except what I can sneak in rejected, will eat any fruit though. It’s frustrating when you are trying to get them to just eat something with some nutritional content and they won’t. I’m sticking with the leave it on the plate and she may accidentally eat a pea approach but I understand your sense of urgency.

I saw on another thread about letting them choose a vegetable perhaps let them help prep it to get them interested. My DD has been refusing to eat anything but yoghurt for days so I held her hand and had her butter a slice of toast with her toddler knife - she ate that.

Don't turn it onto a battle. I know its difficult when they won't eat, I have a DC the same, but staying chill about it is key.

• at every meal make sure there are 1-2 'safe' foods that you know she will eat so there isn't ever nothing for her to eat. This might lead to some odd combinations (plain pasta and cucumber on the side of a Sunday dinner...) but thats fine

• make the main meal of the day (dinner for us) two courses, a main meal followed by a simple dessert such as yoghurt or fruit. The idea behind this is that it removes any notion of dessert being a reward and they get more calories than they would if it was just the main meal alone because a few bites of dinner and few spoons of yoghurt is more calories than just a few bites of dinner

• make sure she has at least a cup of whole milk each day and a good multivitamin (Well Kid is recommended by DC dietician)

• don't insist that she has one bite, tastes it, sniffs it, don't persuade, plead, beg, or bribe. Put the meal out, allow a reasonable amount of time for eating (30-40 mins is about average) and then take it away without comment

• if she doesn't eat very much, or anything at all, then try stretch her to the next meal time. If it's going to be a long time (e.g., dinner through to breakfast) or she seems particularly hungry then wait a short time (30-60 minutes) so it's a separate meal to the rejected one rather than a replacement and then offer a plain/basic snack of cheese and crackers/fruit/toast, etc

What does she eat on a typical day?

I'm looking for any tips to improve appetite and range of foods eaten, in a shorter time frame than waiting several years

I mean this gently but you're looking for the impossible here. You can't fix food issues overnight.

Pretty sure that there is no medical documentation of a healthy child starving themselves to death. It is reasonable to just keep offering a range of food.

Can you offer something like a home-made smoothie with double cream to boost some calories? Home-made ice-cream?

Sounds like she is going with a 'safe' diet of beige crunchy, so I would suggest you go wider on that theme. You could try (homemade?) chicken or veg nuggets, sweet potato chips, toast with different things on the side (not touching to sog it up) eg beans, scrambled egg or different crackers with a thin smear of eg hummus. As regards to other food, put a little bit of something in a bowl next to her, so it's there, but in a non threatening way. Would she be inclined to try different things when otherwise engaged? Eg while playing, a little pot of cut up grapes/cubes of cheese/olives/dried fruit etc so it is not being given as a meal, but if she is playing she may be tempted to try a bit if there's no meal pressure involved.

Peer pressure works on my DD, she’s always been a crap eater at home but will polish off practically everything at nursery. I don’t know if yours attends any childcare setting or if there’s an opportunity for her to spend any time with other young children and them all eat together?

While this is of course prime age for fussiness as a behavioural issue have gastric issues been ruled out?

Myself and my eldest dn were both dismissed by our parents as "just fussy" I had lots of stomach issues as a kid - bloating, cramps, diarrhoea, wind - I went veggie at 16 for ethical reasons...and within a month these had mostly gone! Back then veggie food wasn't well labelled and I had a couple of incidents where I accidentally had red meat/beef stock and my stomach flared badly! I believe I have an intolerance to red meat for some reason, I was fine with chicken and fish though when I ate them

Dn it eventually transpired is coeliac but it took a long time for that to be realised

My own dd has a disability that wasn't sx till she was almost 12 that one of the effects is on her eating. Certain foods (mainly potatoes) are an irritant and she can't eat normal sized meals and has to eat little and often.

Perhaps list what she will eat and we can maybe make suggestions of things to try and possibly also reassure you that she's getting enough nutritionally

I know it's a worry on the weight front - another feature of dds condition, high metabolism, naturally tall and very slim she was often on the border of healthy/underweight especially if she had been ill with a bug and her appetite affected I used to make her soups with rice BLENDED in! To get her carb intake up

I agree with everything Clocktopus says.

it's an approach designed to change the parent's view of things, it doesn't result in an increase to the amount or range of food eaten by the child honestly OP, I think you may be looking for something that doesn't exist. IME there isn't a magic way to make your child less fussy or get them to eat more. The approach that pp are recommending is the best we've got!

Find what she will eat that you both agree with and then offer it at the time she eats the most. Mine are most at breakfast so he’d have evening meal food and then fruit, full fat yoghurt for “dessert”. They have no idea at 2 that that’s typical dinner food and not breakfast!

I'm still giving my 2yo fruit puree pouches because for fruit and vegetables he only eats sweetcorn, raisins, tiny bites of apple and occasionally a specific soup. However he will eat things like carrot cake and banana cake and drink juice and I'm giving him vitamins. He's not keen on meat either but he eats chicken nuggets and sausages and he likes cheese, yoghurt and peanut butter. He often has a bowl of cereal before bed and a drink of milk. Does your DD still drink milk?

There’s a brilliant Instagram account called Feeding Littles. They give really sound advice.

My DD went very fussy at that age. What worked well was, as PP suggested, snack plates. Separate balanced amounts of food - a protein, carbs, fruit, veg. It’s less threatening than a big meal with lots of things mixed together!

Well we spent two years under a paediatric dietitian trying to up ds1's calorie intake and appetite and ime nothing much helped but time and my stress levels were astronomical.
So it's a path I'd be cautious to recommend. But, fwiw, swimming was the one thing guarentee to make him ravenous and the best way I found to increase his calories was to feed him a lot of fried food and add olive oil to everything (he was allergic to dairy but you could try adding cream and butter if your child isnt). You might need to decide what's more important to you though - variety or calories because often it's a trade off bw the two.

My ds was always 2nd centile, probably still is aged 7, though very healthy. He is not bothered by food.
At around age 1 we tried to get him to gain weight by adding butter and cream to everything, and feeding him peanut butter every day. It is very nutritious, which is why it is fed to undernourished kids (also travels well).
He developed a love for houmous and peanut butter, and ate cheese, pasta and bread products, also loads of fruit. But to this day he hardly ever eats vegetables. He is very slight but very healthy. To be honest I was similar as a kid. Really healthy though. Try not to worry too much.

What helped me was the advice to think about what they eat over a week not in a day. They might have a crap day and eat not vegetables between them but might have a better day.

Does she go to nursery? My DC eat things at nursery that they would never eat for me. The advice about having safe foods that they are likely to eat with something new on the side is good.

Getting them to make food with you can work too. This isn’t going to get better over night and if you make food into a battleground it will likely get worse.

It is an age thing and that gets better too.

Whole milk in a cup with the food, lots of snacks not just meals, and be prepared to put c-beebies on and just post the food into your toddler on a spoon. Some small children just find food boring and would rather do something else. Always have a snackbox handy when you are out. Remember that milk chocolate was invented to get calories and calcium into children at risk of malnourishment.

A few tips I have from experience and speaking to some experts along the way:

Eat together, as a family, in a relaxed environment where nobody talks about food, encourages or bribes - the odd "Mmm! Tasty!" is great but no cajoling or pleading.

Put a variety of foods on their plate. Small amounts only so it doesn't hurt too much when they don't eat it. It's important at this age they get used to seeing different foods regularly - one day they will try it. Promise!

Put something on the plate you know they'll like at each meal. If it's vegetables or protein keep offering seconds - but don't let them just eat unlimited carbs.

To add extra healthy calories, try adding full fat cream to a sauce, add cheese to pasta, full fat cream cheese on crackers etc.

I know it's easy to worry, but unless her weight actually declines, remaining on 2nd centile may not be a problem - not everyone will be on 50th centile! My bit has sat on 2nd-9th centile for a while now and I've just accepted he's small. Some kids just are!

@Clocktopus

I'm looking for any tips to improve appetite and range of foods eaten, in a shorter time frame than waiting several years

I mean this gently but you're looking for the impossible here. You can't fix food issues overnight.

Was going to say the same.

In my experience, food issues like this are one of those things where you have to do the exact opposite of what you WANT to do.

The more you stress about it, the more you try and work at it, the more the child resists.

It is so hard, because as a parent you just want to feed your child well, and it's so difficult to watch them not eat.

But you have to somehow make yourself relax and continue to offer a range of food and not worry about the amount or content eaten.

In my experience children do become better eaters but it takes years, not weeks or months.