Help me turn around my terrible eating toddler

[DeepaBeesKit]

DD is 2. Prem baby, never had a big appetite and is underweight. NHS are largely useless in offering any help/understanding how stressful it is when you have a child won't eat and is not putting on enough weight.

Used to eat a better variety of food but rapidly become awful- refusing to eat much of anything except breadsticks/crackers, chips, cereal etc....rejecting most meat, vegetables, fruit.

Attempts to simply not make available the preferred snackier foods means she just eats basically nothing and is not gaining weight.

Any advice please? No other developmental concerns at all, no sensory issues etc. Loads of speech, good motor skills etc.

I have tried having healthy snacks within easy reach in various rooms eg a bowl of cashew nuts, pine nuts or fruit, or carrot sticks etc. She will often help herself when it’s not a formal meal environment. I also think generally it’s good to all eat together, but sometimes I have my lunch at a different time to her and she will often wander up and see what I’m eating, and the other day ate about 6 prawns off my lunch plate - whereas if I’d have put them on her plate she might not have tried them. A mixture of exposing her to foods outside of meal environments is working well for me, mixed with relaxed family eating. She likes to help me bake too so I do that with her quite a bit.
Sometimes not cutting stuff up helps me too! Like I just give her a peeled boiled egg, whole, and she likes to explore it and bite into it whereas if I serve it cut up she won’t eat it. Or a whole apple to chomp on rather than sliced. Also lots of fresh air, as much as possible, to build up an appetite.

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If I offer choices between 2 things, she will say she wants one then not eat it.

Eg if I say we have no satsumas (although usually she asks for things because she has spotted them in the kitchen), have some blueberries, she will say yes, then leave the blueberries

Same re porridge/egg. She will make a choice but then only eat like 1 spoonful.

She prefers to drink water and will not drink a cup of milk except morning and night (she's less and less keen on it then). If I make smoothies she will only drink a few mouthfuls.

I would try really little, but often. Maybe offer a bite of something every hour or so.

Does she drink well? Could you add calories through milkshake/smoothies etc?

Also yes she has daily multivitamins & iron supplements.

Drinks lots of water happily. Not interested in juice, milk, smoothies, milkshakes etc.

I don't have chance to read the whole thread but please check out SOLID STARTS on instagram (they also have a website but the majority of their picky eating content is on IG). The CEO has a 7 year old who is severely picky eater and is gradually improving - he's been picky basically forever and she shares so much of what she has learned over the years. Really helpful stuff.

You say

"If I offer choices between 2 things, she will say she wants one then not eat it" And then... "Same re porridge/egg. She will make a choice but then only eat like 1 spoonful."

So she is eating it, just not much / enough.

As easy as it is for me to say this, you need to try and stop focusing on the amount she eats. Accept that she's going to eat fuck all. But make every bite count. Eg as PPs have said high cal everything where ever possible. Even if it's resorting to giving her ice-cream 😬

If she eats no blueberries after having asked for them... What happens? Do you give her the satsuma/something else instead? Do you leave them out for her to graze on and remind her that they're there from before if she's asking again. Do you pop them back in the fridge with no comment? Do you get cross? Make a frustrated sound? Do you ask her to eat more?

Sorry trying to get a better picture

I would mimic swimming by taking her out in this cooler weather and tiring her out. Then back in the house and straight to a couple of (preprepared) choices of the food that she's more fussy around but has eaten in the past.

I used to do as previous poster and let kids leave their dinner on the table to come back to later.

Eat in front of the TV? Works for ds.

Let her steal stuff from your plate. Worked for DD.

My DS was worse for eating when tired...he would have a meltdown of his peas were touching his mash.... Unless he wasn't tired, I. Which case he'd happily line his peas up on his mash and eat them.

I tended to give new/tricky foods by lunchtime. Maybe it's a consideration for your daughter? Give her easy foods like banana/toast/yoghurt/whatever for her dinner?

A friend has also said we should be pushing for coeliac tests. She had reflux as a baby. She seems to be constantly a bit anaemic, we try and give iron supplements but they are quite hard on her tummy and can make the eating worse so it's a catch 22.

Yea that sounds to me like possibly a gastric issue at play.

It's funny how we instinctively know not to eat the foods that will make us ill.

My mum says she tried all kinds of tricks to get me to eat red meat but I never enjoyed it and much preferred fish, seafood, chicken, turkey, even rabbit!

Dd can practically smell potato from a 100 yards and baulks at it! Even potato flour in some items she can't stomach

You have my sympathies OP - my toddler went from being an overweight baby to an underweight toddler. Plus we have allergies so her diet is restricted. Her weight and height are now back to normal - here is what helped:

• TV with meals. Yes I know you probably shouldn’t, but it’s great for shovelling stuff like vegetables in while they’re distracted. Reading a book while they eat can also work.
• hide the veg. Eg blend it in with a pasta sauce like spag bol, or mash it into mash potatoes. Blend fruit into a smoothie.
• bribery. Eg if you finish your carrots you can have a biscuit after dinner. Yes I know you shouldn’t but it does get mine to eat her veg.
• just say you have run out of stuff if she asks for alternatives, and maybe show her the empty box. Mine tends to be less stubborn if she thinks the alternative food isn’t actually in the house!

-limit snacks if this works. Aim for three big meals a day and try and get toddler to run around a bit before lunch and dinner (easier in the summer!)

@toolazytothinkofausername that sort of presentation has actually been shown to increase issues surrounding food. It’s really important that foods are mixed and touch each other. That amount of food is likely to be overwhelming for a children with disordered eating. Small portions with a bigger bowl near so they know they can ask for more.

I to have a Prem (28 weeker) who is small for his age, 13kg at 3yrs, also has cp so burns calories crazy quickly.
Things we were advised is to make food he will eat full of fat. So add cheese to everything she will eat, nut butters, proper butter, full fat milk, greek yogurt, avocado ( sounds like your doing this anyways)
Some days he will eat like a horse, like pancakes he can polish off two with Nutella, but other days will push anything I put infront of him away and will just eat a yogurt. Won't eat fruit and home will eat it at nursery.
We had a stage at about 2yrs where he lived of skips and yogurts for about two weeks.
Have you contacted your pead dr to see if you can be referred to a dietitian ? They can offer high cal drinks or yogurts, pudding things, so even if you could get one in her a day would hopefully help, while 🤞 she grows out of this stage.

You're prob already doing this but:

Eat family style where everyone serves themselves. Let her serve herself.

Get her involved with cooking.

Have some therapy to reduce your anxiety, some children are v v sensitive to the feelings of others.

Give her a sense of control in other aspects of life, but also hold boundaries where you need to.

Go to see a private gastroenterologist paed, who also practises in the NHS.

This might sound silly but does she eat it if she helps make it? You mentioned she ate the fruit she picked herself.

DS (3) used to absolutely refuse to eat anything at breakfast time. Then I asked him to ‘help’ me make his weetabix and he ate the lot. Now we do it together and he eats at least some of it every time.

2 is such a hard age for eating. DS could never make a choice if offered 2 things, he’d just get upset and say no to anything I suggested.

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I leave things to be grazed. On a good day I try so hard not to encourage her to eat more but on a bad day I do desperately ask if she can just have one more bite etc. I know I shouldn't.

We've spoken to the dietician. They said I'm doing the right things in terms of high cal cooking etc. They said high calorie shakes etc unlikely to help if she just isnt hungry, as may even contribute to her eating even less "real" food. They said you can get just as many calories in adding cream, butter, nut butters etc and that usually the shakes etc work best for children where they can't get enough calories in for some reason, eg physical disabilities, other health issues that reduce ability to eat normally.

Also ditto what other poster have said - mine eats a much wider range of food on nursery days. I think it’s the peer pressure.

A couple more things that helped us:

• getting relatives to offer her food and offer to feed her. The novelty worked for mine.
• giving her foods sometimes that I previously thought weren’t healthy but now realise are better then nothing - eg fish fingers, chicken goujons. (Great for emergency snacks).
• getting her involved in the cooking. Get one of those Montessori tower step things (can’t remember the proper name) and have her prepare the food with you. Pizza is a good one for us (homemade tomato sauce with tomato purée and water which DD can mix herself and then spread all over a wrap, then let her sprinkle on the topping - we like tuna, sweet corn, grated veg (dd will tolerate this just about 😂)”, you could use cheese (we are dairy free).
• if you let her watch tv while she eats (like we do) don’t have it on at any other time, so it’s more of a novelty and a treat for meal times.
• eat with her and as a family as much as you can. We tend to eat together at each meal, and put the tv on if she is being really fussy and I really want her to eat what I’ve made 🙈

Also have you asked for her to be tested for allergies. Milk allergy is so common - mine looked a lot less pale once we realised she was allergic to this and cut it out of her diet.

I hope this situation improves for you. I know how frustrating and worrying it can be but mine is now two and a half and has got a lot better!

My son is a very poor eater, too. Also 2, but always been over 100th centile so I've never been taken seriously. His appetite is appalling.

His diet is pretty much porridge, toast, beans, rice, pizza, breadsticks, crackers, wraps, fruit pouches.

We had our long awaited appointment with the dietician yesterday and everything she told us to do, we're basically already doing.

With DS, the comments of "he'll eat if he's hungry" just weren't true. He would allow himself to go hungry. You could hear his tummy rumbling.

The advice from the dietician was:

Offer him his safe foods for a minimum of 2 meals and 2 snack times a day. That way if he doesn't eat his third meal or third snack, I know he's not going hungry.

If you're financially not able to offer meals we know he won't eat, then ensure he's exposed to new foods through what we eat, I.e. let him see us eat foods that he doesn't, and if he tries it, gives lots of positive praise. If he doesn't try it, don't acknowledge it or give it any attention. She said him just licking the food, even if he doesn't try it, should be given positive praise.

Give a multivitamin for whatever he is missing out on.

That was basically it. There was really much more to say than that.

Like you've said, it's not just the hunger that's the concern, but the health implications it can cause. He's now been referred for blood tests to check his iron level as she's concerned about that, due to lack of natural sources in his diet.

With DS, the comments of "he'll eat if he's hungry" just weren't true. He would allow himself to go hungry. You could hear his tummy rumbling

There are times when I feel DD is hangry, she'll ask for food etc, but then when its put in front her will only have like 3 bites then lose interest.

OP I could have written your post! My toddler is 2 and for the last year the amount of food he will eat has dwindled to very very little.
He will eat rice cakes, oat cakes, breadsticks, some fruit and veg. He won’t eat cheese, meat (once in a blue moon), veggie substitutes like tofu or falafel and can be hit and miss with carbs.
He has a slightly better appetite at nursery but not good there either. He drinks 4oz of milk three times a day and that’s all that’s keeping him going really! I have recently decided to try to be more relaxed about it as am pregnant and the stress isn’t doing me any good. Easier said that done, but I’m trying to believe it will pass whilst taking the pressure off mealtimes x

I like the ice cube tray suggestion I might tray it on my fussy teenager to vary his diet! I was told not to get stressed by it by a dietician.

You're very lucky, your dd eats a range of food, albeit not often and has no allergies by the sounds of it. My 4 year old still eats chicken nuggets waffles crisps and ice cream! Therefore isn't growing at all etc.

What you're describing is a fussy eater who clearly isn't as bad as you think as is going up height centiles. She has got to an age of control and clearly is a snacker rather than a meal child.

The weight fall is probably due to increased activity due to age, this happens at some point with most toddlers.

All you need to do is have Snacks around the house and she will probably graze. Always offer preferred food at meals when you do sit.

If you have a very bad day before bed out the TV on for 20 mins and spoon feed yoghurt while she is zoned out. We also give an Ella's fruit pouch doing this as its better than no fruit.

You really are worrying over nothing I think. I get its stressful but you really aren't in a bad place (like we are!). Trust me your stress is making the situation worse for her. It will pass, just do what she wants and take all pressure away and ignore anyone who judges you for it.

Pm me if you want the detailed version of what we've had to do (recommended from top private dietician and guys and St thomas).

I have a nearly 13 year old who was like this as a baby/toddler. Her weight has always been somewhere between the 2nd and 9th centile. She wasn’t interested in food then and she still isn’t really. She finds eating boring and would rather be doing other things.

Over the years we have found represntives of every food group she will eat so her diet is balanced if not varied. But if she’s tired or stressed she loses interest still so we have to go back to old standbys. Wholemeal pasta with Philadelphia stirred through and cucumber sticks on the side , for example, has been her favourite meal since she was 1 and is sometime all she wants to eat still.

It’s been tough and a regular source of stress (mainly for me!) but we have found things that work for us over time. Eating together and talking while we eat and making it ‘family time’ has helped. And as she got older, she has understood more that she needs to eat even if she doesn’t particularly feel like it in order to have the energy to do the things she enjoys (she has an active hobby).