Help me turn around my terrible eating toddler

[DeepaBeesKit]

DD is 2. Prem baby, never had a big appetite and is underweight. NHS are largely useless in offering any help/understanding how stressful it is when you have a child won't eat and is not putting on enough weight.

Used to eat a better variety of food but rapidly become awful- refusing to eat much of anything except breadsticks/crackers, chips, cereal etc....rejecting most meat, vegetables, fruit.

Attempts to simply not make available the preferred snackier foods means she just eats basically nothing and is not gaining weight.

Any advice please? No other developmental concerns at all, no sensory issues etc. Loads of speech, good motor skills etc.

I think aim for small amounts of calorie dense food.

Boiled egg mashed with butter and buttery toast

Smoothies in a special big girls cup made with banana, full fat yogurt, strawberry and honey

Roast chicken, mash mixed with butter, gravy and corn, broccoli or carrot

Mac and cheese

Pasta and tomato sauce with properly blitzed sauce so that it’s smooth. Obvs add veggies into it to up nutrients. Textures can really put kids off so the blending of the sauce makes it fun.

I used to make toddler ploughmans for my son. Big spoonful of cream cheese, mini breadsticks stuck into it like hedgehog, apple, some ham, raisins, cucumber.

It’s really stressful when they are not interested in eating, Typically my two would only eat a decent amount at two meals, never three. No idea why.

Unfortunately you can't rush these things. Toddlers go through fussy stages because they are learning they can pick and choose. My LO has decided not to eat all the things he used to love so I make sure he has a couple of things on his plate he recognises and likes, alongside other things he may not necessarily even want to try. But you've just got to keep offering and hope they eat a more varied diet in time.

Pretty sure that there is no medical documentation of a healthy child starving themselves to death.

I really, really wish people wouldnt say this.

Death is not the only bad outcome. Children who are malnourished can get poorly more, have worse brain development, and be physically stunted.

A child may seem "healthy" and their total lack of appetite can be the only indicator that there is actually an underlying problem.

My child was like this at 2, he was awful and it was such a battle to feed him for the best part of a year. He suddenly got really fussy and only ate beige food. In the end after trying everything and pulling my hair out I gave in and only gave him foods he would eat/wanted. I gave up the battle. After a while he started cleaning his plates of the food he wanted to I started to add other options in. Slowly and over time trying a new food here and there. All of a sudden he just started eating whatever I gave him. It was such a relief and I couldn't believe how much I used to stress over it. Every now and then he goes through a fussy phase again for a few weeks and I just ride it out.

I'm not expecting to "fix" all issues but I'm desperate to improve appetite in particular.

Someone asked what she eats in a day

Today (for example).
2.5 ounces of milk.

A few spoons of shreddies in milk (she asked for this for breakfast). She ate 6 shreddies feeding herself, and let me feed her about 8 more. There was fruit available which she rejected.

She asked for an orange and a breadstick mid morning, she only ate one bite of the breadstick, peeled the satsuma and ate only one segment.

She at a few bites of peanut butter sandwich at lunch (maybe like, 1/4 of a slice of bread worth folded over). She then pinched an open bag of mini cheddars and ate most of them. There had been yoghurt, salad and fruit available which she did not touch.

She then ate a few thin chips at tea - about 8-10 french fries. There was also fish and peas which she refused.

She had asked for a chocolate pudding at the supermarket earlier and asked for it after tea, then did not eat it.

I agree they did seem to eat better after the swimming pool.
Another time when mine ate more was at group get togethers when I'd essentially fed them beforehand with their usual tiny meal of choice then had no expectations at the family table .. somehow the they did try odd bits off the table. I guess it's copying others in a situation with novelty and a high amount of autonomy.

Eat with the child for as many meals as possible. Give them the same food as you, with a little of something you know they will eat. Pretend to pay no attention whatsoever to what they eat. Give it time. No snack between meals but serve snack food along side meals if that’s all she will eat

My almost 3 year old has a habit of refusing dinner and saying she doesn’t like it even if she hasn’t tried it I have started telling her to go and play in a different room then and she can come back when she’s hungry. I can guarantee that 2 minutes later she will be back at the table eating the food. Much better than getting stressed and we both secretly feel like we won!

Full fat everything of course.

I should clarify

I think she likes a reasonable range of foods (for a 2 year old).

Eg - home made chicken curry with spinach, lamb tagine, roast dinners (any meat, mushrooms, various veg, prawns, sausages etc.

But most of the time when her appetite is poor she just won't eat enough of anything to actually gain a decent amount of weight.

She has dropped from 9th% weight over the last year, but in that time has gone up height percentiles, so really is falling in weight terms.

Thank you all for the tips re swimming. We were doing this a lot (it works well, I agree) but had to stop at one stage due to ear infections, looking forward to getting back to it.

Ps thank you too to the people who've had similar kids and said they got better later on, gives me hope

Does she like eggs? They're a good source of protein and can be cooked in various ways. Scrambled with toast, poached with avocado.
Quiche?

Will she eat tuna?

While this is of course prime age for fussiness as a behavioural issue have gastric issues been ruled out?

A friend has also said we should be pushing for coeliac tests. She had reflux as a baby. She seems to be constantly a bit anaemic, we try and give iron supplements but they are quite hard on her tummy and can make the eating worse so it's a catch 22.

Eggs/tuna

When hungry she will eat lots of things.

She's almost never hungry. We have to feed her at most mealtimes, she's just not really interested in food most of the time.

Would she drink more milk? I have a very fussy child (who ate absolutely nothing at nursery for months before deigning to eat what she already ate at home, so it may well not work) and at that age she would drink milk, lots of it. It's reasonable nutritionally, so maybe worth a go.

They definitely turn around. Don't give up hope.
I have adult sized children and keeping fridge and cupboards stocked up with the quantities of food required is the challenge now!
Would any egg recipes work for her? French toast, pancakes, egg custard, scrambled eggs. A softish egg yolk mixed with butter spread on a bit of bread or toast.

Does she have much energy?

Does she have much energy?

Yes. She is like the ruddy Duracell bunny.

My husband often says ruefully that it's like even when we do manage to get calories into her it's like her brain is determined not to let them get stored as fat, and insists she burns them off asap.

Eat together, food served from bowls in the center of the table, she can help serve.

Are you eating together? Kids are evolutionarily preprogrammed to watch what we are doing and look to see if food is safe. In my experience toddlers will eat twice as much if you sit and eat the same food with them. Even better if you visible serve from the serving bowl.

@maddening

Eat together, food served from bowls in the center of the table, she can help serve.

Great minds

I could have written your post a couple of months ago, my 2 year old son has gone from a terrible eater in terms of such a limited variety (think toast for breakfast with peanut butter, peanut butter sandwich for lunch and refusing dinner half the time and wanting milk instead and then he only snacks being cucumber and crisps) to enjoying some fruit, having cheese as an alternative to peanut butter and eating a hot meal for lunch and dinner with zero fuss and clearing his plate with yummy noises (home made meat and 2 veg type dinners) and being slightly more open to trying new snacks such as jelly, occasionally some chocolate and angel delight, he still refuses any type of cake type food and 99% of all biscuits but it feels like we’ve made a huge leap forward in terms of his interest in food. Before now, he would happily have milk rather than a meal but he now actually says yes to would you like a snack/lunch/dinner and pays more attention to what’s on his plate. Admittedly I do spoon feed him alot of the time to ensure but his appetite seems to have tripled by himself after months and months and months of worrying.
It’s difficult to keep positive and not worry but take any improvement as an achievement and build on that, it sounds like you are doing a great job!

I used to do what we called “picnics” for my children . A plate of very small portions of lots of different items. Eg half a dairylea triangle , a soldier of bread , a grape or mandarin segment , 4 raisins , 2 or 3 quavers or watsits , 2 chocolate buttons , slice of meat / chunk of cheese . Traffic lights were their favourite…. A cherry tomato, a piece of Red Leicester and a grape or cucumber on a cocktail stick. They loved it , I think they liked to pick at different things. Hope you find what works for you .

My dn is almost fine and has a very limited diet. He eats cheese sandwiches mostly (must be a certain brand bread, butter and cheese slices, he knows if it's wrong). He will also tolerate two cheap brands of cereal. Aldi essential pizza. Chocolate spread sandwiches. Chicken noodles. The meat middle from sausage rolls. Kfc poppers. Quavers and Green Pringles. No veg at all. My sister packs his diet out with fruit/veg smoothies, pediasure complete shakes, vitamins and fruit juice. He is but like a bird and it's a real worry. He does get sick quite easily and is very pale. I can totally understand where you are coming from op.

Also, the act of chewing can create the sensation of hunger. Because you are chewing and staining your own saliva the brain tells your stomach to expect food. When it doesn't get it it starts to rumble. It could be with you trying a chew buddy to see if she will entertain it and it could help? We have found that chewing gum and swimming are great for helping my dn work up an appetite.