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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is driving 45 minutes to take the kids to school unreasonable?

99 replies

Sp3849 · 05/11/2021 07:09

So long story short. Been houshunting for 4 months. Not alot of what we want in our budget. The perfect house has come up way under budget. It is everything we wanted..... but not where we wanted it. Which wouldn't be a massive deal. Its easier for my husband to commute to work knocks a good half hour of his journey. But my son goes to a special school and it is already a 25 minute drive away. Moving to this house would make it a 45 minute drive. I think it its worth it. The kids aren't in school forever. My husband thinks it is too much and I will spend 3 hours on school runs every day and it five more years of travelling. Do you travel far for school? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

DockOTheBay · 05/11/2021 07:12

A lot of special schools put on transport for their students, is that an option at all?

It would be too far for me. I wouldn't want to sit in the car for 3 hours a day, not to mention the cost and environment effects.

Sirzy · 05/11/2021 07:15

That’s a pretty normal journey length for many at specialist schools.

The key for me would be how well he copes with the travel.

Rumplestrumpet · 05/11/2021 07:15

Who would do the driving? How would your child feel being in the car that long each day? How would it affect friendships, after school activities and family life generally? Could you still work? How many more years would you have to do it?

We walk to school but with nursery drop offs at one point it was taking us an hour each morning and afternoon. While I welcomed the exercise it just wasn't sustainable with my job so we moved nursery and now it's en route.

I think location is pretty important when buying a house. Personally I wouldn't even consider something so far away but it depends on your lifestyle and priorities

Original poster

Sp3849 · 05/11/2021 07:15

No there would be no school transport as we live out of the council area. We have been trying to find something in the council area but nothing ever comes up that fits what we need

OP posts:

icedcoffees · 05/11/2021 07:15

Would it really be 45 minutes in rush hour or would it be much longer? What about if there's roadworks or an accident and you get diverted or can't get through?

I wouldn't do it personally - it would get very boring, very quickly.

HugeAckmansWife · 05/11/2021 07:16

School hours 8.45 til 3 ish? So leaving at 7.45 (assuming you allow for extra traffic etc) home by 9.45. Leave again about 2 and home by nearly 4. If your son is ill or has a problem during the day it akes you nearly an hour to get there. Petrol costs will be crippling. Are you intending / wanting to return to work at any point? I used to have a similar set up and honestly it just made life so complicated. It's not so much the actual driving, that never bothered me at all, Radio on, all good. But the timings really do mean you can get v little done realistically.

letsmakethishappen · 05/11/2021 07:18

I would not do that’s it’s too much traveling

Pinkspecs · 05/11/2021 07:18

It would be too far for me.

TeenMinusTests · 05/11/2021 07:18

I wouldn't want to.

I'm probably older than you, but DD is in college and it takes me an hour round trip to drop her off and the same for DH collecting. I would hate to have to do it both ways every day, it is tiring enough as it is. (There are reasons why she is driven).

5 years of 3 hours a day is massive. As PP said, would school transport be an option?

WholeClassKeptIn · 05/11/2021 07:19

I would prioritise the child and wait the 5 years before moving that far away.

School can be a lot as it is without the extra travelling.

Macabroom · 05/11/2021 07:20

Will he still be able to go to the school?
Will they provide transport? Even if it's just one way it will make a huge difference to you.
What's he like generally in the car?
Is it 45 minutes in paper or longer at the time you need to travel? Check google or whatever at the time you would need to leave everyday for at least a week.
I wouldn't discount it.

Lockdownbear · 05/11/2021 07:23

I've said YANBU only because your DH is gaining 30min while you loose 20min. But it depends how you count it you could say you loose 40min if you count the round trip.

Ordinarily I'd say 45min to school is too far but I can understand for special needs.

DeadGood · 05/11/2021 07:23

@WholeClassKeptIn

I would prioritise the child and wait the 5 years before moving that far away.

School can be a lot as it is without the extra travelling.

OP is “prioritising the child”.

Confrontayshunme · 05/11/2021 07:25

Unless you have no other special schools within 45 minutes (which is sometimes a possibility), then yes, I think YABU. If it is only 5 years, stay in your house for 5 more years, avoid the 3 hour daily journey and save the money you would spend on petrol to support your son with a move after he finishes school

Caramellatteplease · 05/11/2021 07:26

If it is the nearest appropriate school you are entitled to transport even if it's the other side of the country.
You just may need to go to tribunal to get it.

Heidi1982 · 05/11/2021 07:27

@Sp3849

No there would be no school transport as we live out of the council area. We have been trying to find something in the council area but nothing ever comes up that fits what we need

If your son has an EHCP naming the school then transport should be provided by the local authority, even if the school is in a different local authority area.

If you are moving to a new local authority there is a process to go through to transfer the EHCP.

For what it's worth, my son has been to three different special schools and none have been less than 45 minutes away. This is completely normal in the SEN sector. Local authority always provides transport though, so whilst it is quite a long journey for my son at least we don't have to do the drive ourselves.

InaccurateDream · 05/11/2021 07:28

Depends on if you work, do you like the drive, how would it impact your day.

It’s not the same but I have two kids and moved house so that we’re too far to walk to primary school and my son chose a secondary in the next town. They’re not that far away on paper but the morning school run is an hour, and the afternoon 1hr 20 (getting to both schools and back home). But we usually split them up so my husband does most of the mornings.

I quite like the drive except for the town being full of aggressive drivers! If I was on my own doing 45 mins I would put an audio book on I think. That way it feels a bit productive.

Elephantsparade · 05/11/2021 07:29

If you are moving out of council area your new LA will have to take on the ehcp and school so I would check that this would go smoothly first if you want to stay in that school as they might say they have a cheaper school closer which can meet your childs needs.

Otherwise, we drove 45 mins for a special school and i didnt enjoy it but it wasnt a disaster and I would do it again for the right SEN provision. I did it for 2 years but I really enjoy the 25 mins we do now for a new school as I have more freedom and am not exhausted by driving all the time. I would be keep to maintain this.

Bqmbiiiiii · 05/11/2021 07:29

We travel about that far.
It very much depends on where abouts you live too. If you live somewhere there's a lot of surrounding schools, probably not.
But if there is just 1 or 2 and it isn't the right environment for your child for whatever reason then yes.
.

userg5647 · 05/11/2021 07:30

Our school run takes me 40 mins each morning and pm and I HATE it, I begrudge the cost, interruption to my work, the lack of independence for my now year 6 child and my reliance on childcare for longer than I'd hoped. I didn't consider the impact of going from a short walk to a cross town drive, it doesn't make me regret the move but it has tarnished it. Mine is obviously a lot shorter but only you can know how it'll impact your day?

Heidi1982 · 05/11/2021 07:30

@Caramellatteplease

If it is the nearest appropriate school you are entitled to transport even if it's the other side of the country. You just may need to go to tribunal to get it.

The SEN tribunal doesn't decide transport issues, it hears appeals on the content of the EHCP (typically which school is named). But if the school is named in the EHCP, generally speaking it is accepted that it is the nearest suitable school and the LA will provide transport.

imip · 05/11/2021 07:31

It does not matter what area you reside in to be eligible for school transport. But if you move councils, the new council will be responsible for the EHCP.

Many children travel quite a distance for specialist schools, 45 mins is not considered too long.

You can speak to IPSEA, SENTAS or your local IASS service. Irrespective of whether you buy the house or not, you are probably eligible now for school transport so you need to find out more about this legally (get advice from the sources above) rather than the LA who ate talking policy, not law.

HelloDulling · 05/11/2021 07:34

If you are already doing 25 mins, 45 isn’t much worse. I’d do it.

Caramellatteplease · 05/11/2021 07:35

Actually SN tribunal can. The whole transport process is explained here by IPSEA here that outlines the whole process. I'm assuming it's a little complex as the LEA isnt paying automatically.

Whereismumhiding3 · 05/11/2021 07:39

You're already doing 25 mins travel this is an extra 20 mins. So just doubling travel time

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