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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is driving 45 minutes to take the kids to school unreasonable?

99 replies

Sp3849 · 05/11/2021 07:09

So long story short. Been houshunting for 4 months. Not alot of what we want in our budget. The perfect house has come up way under budget. It is everything we wanted..... but not where we wanted it. Which wouldn't be a massive deal. Its easier for my husband to commute to work knocks a good half hour of his journey. But my son goes to a special school and it is already a 25 minute drive away. Moving to this house would make it a 45 minute drive. I think it its worth it. The kids aren't in school forever. My husband thinks it is too much and I will spend 3 hours on school runs every day and it five more years of travelling. Do you travel far for school? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

SpeckledyHen · 05/11/2021 08:57

As it’s a special school I would definitely do it without question.

middleager · 05/11/2021 08:57

We're in our fifth year of foing this (non special school) and are counting down the days til school ends.
There's all kinds of roadworks, we've had to pick up at unexpected times during Covid, for illness/accidents. It's hideous. Sounds do-able at the start, but now, years lster, it's painful.

EwwSprouts · 05/11/2021 08:58

It's a lot of driving, especially when it's both ways in the dark. I agree with PP that it can be a great time to chat with your DS though.

Is it really the perfect home or is the perfect home slightly smaller/less modern/more modern /whatever but in a closer location?

missfliss · 05/11/2021 09:00

Been there.
Double and triple check entitlement to transport ( but I suspect you have).

One other wildcard option.

Buy the house, rent it out - rent yourselves closer to the school and move in 5 years

LavenderAskew · 05/11/2021 09:11

It's doable but it's very hard because it takes over your life You are very tied to it. Other factors to consider is if you are called by the school and need to go and collect your son.

I had a long commute to school (min 30mins) (It was different to you as I was doing it on public transport and not a to specialist school (so not much only choice in other words). It really ties you down - I'm guessing you work in Uk/England? Only saying that because I'm not sure what the school hours are but mine were 9-1.30 and 9-2.30, so for it was hard because I'd not have a lot of time in between arriving homd and having to leave to collect- well obviously there's a few hours but it doesn't restrict the work you can do during it.

Blueskiesoutthere · 05/11/2021 09:14

I would definitely do this (if you're a SAHP, otherwise might be a bit tricky!) it's not forever and you can leave earlier than necessary to avoid traffic and gives you lots of car time with your DC. I think the house is more important if it's everything you dreamed of!

WinterFirTree · 05/11/2021 09:15

@missfliss

Been there. Double and triple check entitlement to transport ( but I suspect you have).

One other wildcard option.

Buy the house, rent it out - rent yourselves closer to the school and move in 5 years

ooh I like out of the box thinking like that!

Tigerwhocameforsupper · 05/11/2021 09:16

It’s a lot of driving…. But some people drive for a living!

If it doesn’t impact on your work, and you can afford to do it, then I don’t see why not. Yes it’s 3 hours of your day sat in a car. But some people do this for much longer as their job. Just reframe how you are thinking about it.

Tal45 · 05/11/2021 09:17

I think it also depends how you feel about driving, some people enjoy it in which case I think it'll be fine, but if you hate it then it'll probably be miserable.

silverbubbles · 05/11/2021 09:19

I do 35 minutes (leaving early to avoid lengthening this time through rush hour). You get used to your commute but it is something that always needs to be considered. Then there is the different finish times for different children etc etc.

Does the school offer early morning / evening care so that you are not stressed if running late etc.

We had problems when one went 30 minutes to school in one direction and the other child was 30 minutes the other way.... This situation is very problematic and to be avoided!!

ArianaDumbledore · 05/11/2021 09:22

45 minutes is quite standard where I am for a special school placement. My 8 year old's journey is 1hr15. He goes in LA transport though! I think you do have to keep in mind that it can get quite draining, bad weather/roadworks etc can really add to the journey time.

If you're moving to a different LA they do have the right to re-assess the EHCP (assuming you are in England).

Jumpingintochristmas · 05/11/2021 09:23

Honestly for five years I would do it.
I have 1 DC in school at the far end of town as a placing request so no transport and another in school moments from our home. We leave the house at 8.05 to take DC1 then back for a 8am start for DC2. School run is 1hr 5min so 2hrs 10min ish a day. Some days it’s exhausting but definitely the best decision for DC1 and we are now in our final year of six doing it.

MrsPerfect12 · 05/11/2021 09:25

I would make the move, I think the home is important too. If you're happy to do the travel then go for it. It will be hard and probably at times frustrating but I don't think you'd regret it.
I've done similar but not for school, for sport and similar journeys but I had to hang around for hours, hot desking for work might be a good plan.

brambleon · 05/11/2021 09:33

It seems like it works well for you and if you’re happy driving that much and your son would be happy in the car then I don’t see the issue. If you work from home is there anyway you could find a place near the school where you could do work in the day, so it isn’t as much of a drive

LucentBlade · 05/11/2021 09:34

I think the idea of buying desk space is a really good one. If you aren’t taking calls at all and it’s purely a laptop use job you could even work in a public library, have a mixture of home two days, rent a desk two days and library one day.

Because your DS needs a specialist school the journey is worth it though not ideal.

Lovemusic33 · 05/11/2021 09:37

My dd is in a SEN school and travels what should be a 30 minute journey but due to traffic can take up to a hour. She’s due to move to a 16+ placement next September and the only college we can find is 45 minute drive away. It is a pain but for us it will be worth the journey. We will have to fight for transport as it’s not a council run placement (privately run) so I may have to drive her.

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 05/11/2021 09:46

I do an hours round trip twice a day and yes it’s worth it as my kids love the school they are at. I have time to do it though so it doesn’t bother me and lots of other parents do the same. You need to factor in petrol costs though but it still comes out cheaper than putting them on the school bus!

beigebrownblue · 05/11/2021 09:48

Where we live the local taxi company do lots of school contracts, sometimes for SEN kids and sometimes for kids that go to schools out of the area.

Drivers are DBS checked and usually very reliable. School contract with taxi company is cheaper than a normal taxi - I don't know if this is an option but it might solve your problem.

You could always try it once a week or three times a week perhaps.

Even if you start off paying for it yourself and then get it refunded by the council as described it might work for you.

BoredZelda · 05/11/2021 09:53

I could probably fight transport issue and win. However, my son doesn't really do well on public transport.

It wouldn't be public transport. It would be on a minibus, or taxi provided by the LA. If he needed an assist he would be entitled to that too.

There is no way I'd be setting myself up for 3 hours a day on the road to do school runs. I'm well used to long commutes and generally enjoy driving, but you couldn't get anything done in such a disrupted day. It might seem like this is the most wonderful house in the world but you'd soon come to hate it.

C8H10N4O2 · 05/11/2021 10:05

Its effectively 1.5 hours more than you currently do. For a good special school I'd probably suck it up, especially if I had the flexibility at work to cover for odd awkward days.

Special schools tend to draw from large catchments - if there was another family in your general direction to share with would you son cope with that or would he managed if you could pay for someone to do the pickup a couple of days a week?

putthehamsterbackinitscage · 05/11/2021 10:07

As you have to move due to end if tenancy, is this what could be a forever house?

If so, can you afford and plan for additional help around the house etc to take load off you for the remaining school years - cleaner, on line shops, gardener (if needed) etc...?

If so, I would do it and view the commute to school as time with DC and try to use it to chat, listen to audiobooks or music or whatever would be enjoyable for you both whilst you drive.

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 05/11/2021 10:08

I would do it. 5 years goes in a flash.

ShinyHappyPoster · 05/11/2021 10:10

Is it always 45 mins? We lived in a house that took 45 mins to get into school but only 20 mins to get back because the traffic was in the other direction iyswim. Also, would you have to do four runs each day or can you stay in the area where the school is some days so you're only doing two runs each day?

Merryhobnobs · 05/11/2021 10:13

When I loved abroad my commute was 1hr15. That was normal. My work now is 30 min, so is my DH. Kids primary school is only a 3 min walk but secondary will be 30 min. It depends where you live, traffic, schedule, work, flexibilty etc but it really isn't unfeasible.

Platax · 05/11/2021 10:14

As has been pointed out, if you got transport through the council it wouldn't be on public transport. Don't you think your son could get used to travelling to school by taxi or minibus with a trained escort?

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