Is driving 45 minutes to take the kids to school unreasonable?

[Sp3849]

So long story short. Been houshunting for 4 months. Not alot of what we want in our budget. The perfect house has come up way under budget. It is everything we wanted..... but not where we wanted it. Which wouldn't be a massive deal. Its easier for my husband to commute to work knocks a good half hour of his journey. But my son goes to a special school and it is already a 25 minute drive away. Moving to this house would make it a 45 minute drive. I think it its worth it. The kids aren't in school forever. My husband thinks it is too much and I will spend 3 hours on school runs every day and it five more years of travelling. Do you travel far for school? Am I being unreasonable?

Depends if you work outside the home or not. If you don't then you can probably find the time easier than if you do. In which case I'd do it.

I wouldn’t. My dd goes to a school an hour away 1 day a week. It’s a nice town and I sometimes hang out there for the day so I’m not always doing 4 trips in one day. I thought it would be fine, but god I’m getting bored of the driving, and that’s only 1 day a week!

Also that day she doesn’t get the rest that she needs as we’re out earlier and back later.

I wouldn’t do your move, maybe driving for 45 minutes 4 times a day 5 days a week would be tolerable for a few months, but 5 years? No way. Sorry, I know it must be so tempting when you’ve found a great house within your budget, but I don’t think this is right for you or your dc.

@Caramellatteplease

Actually SN tribunal can. The whole transport process is explained here by IPSEA here that outlines the whole process. I'm assuming it's a little complex as the LEA isnt paying automatically.

It really, really can't, and the IPSEA article doesn't suggest otherwise. There is case law that sets out the fact that transport is not special educational provision unless it is actually educational, e.g. travel training - therefore it shouldn't be in the EHC Plan and isn't within the tribunal's jurisdiction. The only relevance is that if a tribunal does order that a particular school be named, it is saying that it is the nearest suitable school so the LA will have to provide transport anyway. You might appeal to the tribunal if the LA was alleging that another school was the nearest suitable school and you disagree that it is suitable.

If you move to another local authority area, OP, the new council will have to take over the EHCP and will have to decide whether to review it and name a different school. As there aren't enough special school places, the chances are that they will leave your child where he is and will have to provide transport. But, to be certain, check out what the position is in relation to special schools which are less than 45 minutes' journey from the new house.

Stick some good podcasts on and away you go. I'd hate it but I'm not the one who has to do it. If you're doing all the driving then you know how far you're happy to go. Might be worth it for a lovely house with a big garden

What’s the actual distance? I can’t work out if you’ve factored in the traffic and it not that far away or it’s 45 minutes on a good day.

45 mins doesn’t seem too bad for travel to a specialist school.
Have you applied for transport. My DS goes to a school 40 miles away on a neighbouring county and gets transport provided by my council.

@HelloDulling

If you are already doing 25 mins, 45 isn’t much worse. I’d do it.

It's almost double!

Taking her travelling time from 90 minutes per day to three hours. That's a big jump.

I couldn't be arsed with it and would never choose that. I am just out the other side of 15+ years of school runs though so I'm enjoying the extra time and freedom it has given me

I do it every day, it is 40 minutes by car on motorway, if I take the train it is like an hour, we are ok.

I do about 3 hours school run daily. It started because my work was near the school so made little difference in the morning and DH picked them up. There is a school bus but DS1 has some additional needs and gets terribly travel sick so we do not do it.

Then in Covid the company i worked for folded and so now I am taking some time out so I do all the school runs.

Disadvantages

• it is tiring.

-petrol money - but actually the school bus is only 30 pence less a day than petrol -wear and tear on car -big chunk of the day

Advantages

• I love the time spent in the car with the DCs chatting. I learn so much about their lives and it is a huge bonding thing

-the school bus does not get to our road until nearly 7 pm. That's way too late (Dcs are aged 10 and 12). I get us home by 5 pm so they can chill out, then by 7 we are ready to do homework and get ready for bed. -the drive home in the morning and the drive to in the afternoon is 'my time'. i listen to podcasts, the radio and it is 90 minutes out of my day where no-one wants anything from me. I love it.

Just my experience. :)

DD has over an hour to get to her SN school.

Talk to IPSEA and then your SN office.

So firstly it is 45 minutes on a good day. I could probably fight transport issue and win. However, my son doesn't really do well on public transport. He is autistic and he is much happier in our car with me or his dad. He is fine with travelling along as its with us. I work from home and my husband is my boss! I had to give up career as my sons needs became alot harder to manage and he needed one of us home. We do not have the luxury of staying put. We have until July to move out as our tenancy will end. We sold our house and took up this tenancy to get our son into this school as it was what he needed. In hope we would find a house closer to the school but it's just not happening. There are no other schools even remotely closer that would meet his needs and I would never move him to another school.

Do you work OP? If not, is there anything near to the school you could do even on a couple of days? Volunteer work with adults with special needs or something you want to study that you could do remotely and do the work from the library? Or even paid work like a home carer for a couple of hours a day.
It's the both ways that's a killer but if there's anything beneficial to you that can be done nearby then perhaps you could make it work?
These decisions when specialist education is involved are much harder.
For your child the journey sounds reasonable but it is you that will suffer most so you need to be sure you could manage it long term

I was that child who went to school nearly an hours drive away, hated it, its exhausting your picked up from school and its and hour before your home for your diner and cant start your homework till then. My mother was driving 2 hour round trip every day in all weathers and terrible traffic. She said it was fine at first but admitted after that she hated it, caused alot of stress on her, ate into her time to do things and she was always rushing. I was put in after school study to try and help but that meant she was collecting me at 6pm or 7pm and we shouldn't be home till late. Also aswell then there was te trips to see my friends at weekends , when school had a half day and to collect me when i was sick. After three years i transferred to the school 10 mins down the road from me . I wouldn't do it. You say you think its doable but is it douable for every school day - twice a day for the next 5 years

Would hiring a desk space somewhere near the school to work from help? Then your not going back and forth

Sorry cross posted. In that case are there any shared work spaces you could access near the school so you don't waste an hour and half each day going home?

I was prepared to say YABU until I read that it's a special school and that it will be the only one that meets his needs. I'm generally against such long journeys by car because of the impact on the road congestion and CO2 levels.
However your options are so few given that this is the only school that works for him so I'd do it and see that 5 years of car travel as meeting his needs as a parent. It won't be easy though!

I wonder if the majority voting YABU have even read your posts!

As you say school isn’t forever so would stay where I was and move after he finishes school. That’s too long everyday there and back. It’s going to cost you a fortune in fuel.

Based on your situation where your husband is your boss etc I would do it. As long as you can afford it petrol wise and you have a contingency plan if you're ill and unable to do the school runs etc.

could you not fund a taxi service for say, two day a week and rearrange work for the other three days allowing you to start later leave earlier?
If this house is exactly what you want and under budget then maybe factoring in the taxi cost is not such a huge deal.
My DD is at a school an hour away, not specialist but particularly good for her...we moved more rurally.

We pay for someone who lives half way toc ollect her and bring her half way back (by my sons school) and l collect both from there.

We factored in a rough cost of this before moving as l knew l couldn't spend 4 hours a day in the car, and discussed at length with DD.

She doesn't love the hour journey each way but absolutely loves where we live so thinks it is worth it. she listens to her music, podcasts and closes her eyes for a doze.

Also factor in school holidays (13 weeks) and the cost is not too great.
Getting your son comfortable with the same driver would be key to this option working but worth some consideration.

We moved just inside the next county and my sons were very settled at their school.

They still attend their school, my eldest Ds has a very severe stammer and was horribly bullied in his last school, he's been in this one for 4 years nearly and we just couldn't move him.

School run for me is approx 55 mins there, 45 mins back ( traffic is better ) then 45 mins plus 45 mins each way in the afternoon. We have audible and listen to all sorts of stories ( all the how to train your dragon books, Harry Potter ect ).

The countryside is stunning in all seasons and it's not so bad once you get used to it, they always seem to be on holiday or half term too so it's really do-able.

My husband thinks it is too much and I will spend 3 hours on school runs every day and it five more years of travelling. can DH do one way?

If the journey is not an issue for him, and you can afford it, its down to you as you are the one that has to do it.

OP, why not try the journey at rush hour to see what it is like?

I used to have an hour's commute; it was 55 miles each way but 17 was on a motorway, 8 on a dual carriageway and 28 on a fast A road. The most stressful part of the journey was the 2 miles closest to work across a busy town. I bought an economical diesel car and used the time to listen to the radio or music. I loved it (but I do like driving).

The job before that was in a large city's suburbs. I worked 5 miles from home. Out of rush hour it was a 20 minute journey. By public transport it was an hour. In the rush hour it was 30 minutes if I left by 7.40 or 45 minutes if I left later. That was less economical and more stressful than the hour above.

Given your family situation, it is handy for one member to have an easier commute, In my 1st example, DH travelled 3 miles by bike so his costs were negligible. If your DH can arrange your work around the driving and the house seems otherwise ideal, why not?