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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stay at home all day on Christmas Day.

80 replies

usernumberno46273 · 04/11/2021 17:43

Aibu? It's me, Dp, Ds and Dd plus our little dog.

Before last year we would spend countless Christmas days travelling between dp's uk and stepdad and my mums/grandparents/other families then Ds would go to his dads in the evening. Never enough hours in the day. They all live fairly locally (8 miles away, 12 miles away, DS's dad a few miles away) but in different directions so far enough for it to be to totally exhausting on Christmas Day! I would be ready to go sleep by 7-8pm and wake on Boxing Day feeling like Christmas Day was totally poop and feeling deflated.

Dc would never have time to look at everything. We'd wake up, open gifts, rush to get ready and spend half the day travelling and in other people's houses. I hated it, I just wanted to be home, watching tv, cooking our dinner.

Our house is not big enough to host. All of our siblings live at home so it would be parents, grandparents, siblings, any potential partners or siblings, also I have an annoying uncle who's part of the package deal with my family. I couldn't do it here.

It's not too bad at the in laws. I actually don't mind being there at Christmas, they are pretty chilled but my family is another issue. They are so loud, drink too much (not just at Christmas), end up arguing, everyone talking over each other and I'd just get overwhelmed. I can't go to the in laws and not my mums on Christmas Day, it would cause a right stir!

Last year was a perfect excuse to stay home. I absolutely loved it. Aibu to just say f**k it and stay home and visit them around the festive period instead?! Days leading up to it, Boxing Day?

Dp is very much on board, if anything more so than me!

Obviously Ds can still go to his dads, that's never an issue but we used to rush to get him there at a decent time after visiting family!

But our families seem to think we are utter assholes for wanting to be at home. Nobody is lonely, they will still see the kids at some point. Mil has a husband and her kids at home, my mum has a husband, my grandma, her younger kids and her siblings.

My two are the only young kids in the family so are often guilt tripped into visiting.

Dp is getting a few days of this Christmas and I just want to enjoy it with the stress of driving everywhere on Christmas Day!

OP posts:

TinySaltLick · 04/11/2021 17:46

Multiple houses in one day sounds like a total ballache. Surely just rotate around and pick a different day per family group - it doesn't all have to happen on the 25th itself. I think you then end up with 2+ special Christmas days

ComeTheFuck0nBridget · 04/11/2021 17:50

YADNBU! Just have Christmas Day to yourself and then see them other days, it can still be lovely

Brainwave89 · 04/11/2021 17:50

I am quite unusual in not liking Christmas at all. My mum died on Xmas day unexpectedly when I was quite young and I have vivid memories of taking down all the decorations, the tree, chucking out the Xmas food etc. I do not often get the chance to do it, but when I can I like to close the doors, the curtains etc and just chill down in the quiet for a bit. So I empathise OP.

TheOneWithTwoParties · 04/11/2021 17:56

Just stay at home. We stopped going away at Christmas even before Covid because it was just too much. Everyone accepts it now, we visit before or after instead. Why should you have a shit Christmas just so the rest of the family can pretend they are having a big happy family Christmas?

mogsrus · 04/11/2021 17:58

Stay at home then,you can visit people anytime,why is Christmas so difficult? glad we don't do any of it ,so false

LuckyLuckyWoman · 04/11/2021 17:59

Nope stay home, one year we even had a pyjama day

WaltzingBetty · 04/11/2021 18:01

Stay at home. Your extended families can't expect you to traipse around them all in one day and it sounds utterly joyless.
Did you traipse to both sets of GP when you are a kid?

You have your own family unit now, enjoy it together

dunroamingfornow · 04/11/2021 18:03

Maybe you might not feel too well Christmas Eve? Perhaps a positive lateral flow test 2 days before Christmas Day itself ? You would then have to stay in by yourselves!

SpringRainbow · 04/11/2021 18:06

No, I made it clear very early on that I would not spend every Christmas going here, there, and everywhere.

I love spending Christmas at home, on our own, being lazy, and doing whatever we want.

ShowOfHands · 04/11/2021 18:09

I've seen family from both sides on the day (16 miles and 13 miles respectively) and it was utter joy. Because we love them and had a great time. Children had the entire Christmas period to enjoy their gifts, took a couple of favourites with them and we had fun, happy, wonderful moments with people we love.

The travelling is not the issue. It's the people! If you're not enjoying it, make a change. Be proactive and firm. Present it as this is what we are doing on the 25th but let's arrange another date to see you and celebrate. Christmas is a season, treat it as such. No point being miserable.

Daisy829 · 04/11/2021 18:11

Stay at home. We have a similar issue. Last year was brilliant & we plan on doing the same this year

RavingAnnie · 04/11/2021 18:11

I would never do multiple houses. Just rotate/alternate. That's what most people do. That includes having a Christmas Day on your own sometimes if you've want.

Winterfellismyhome · 04/11/2021 18:12

YANBU. I refuse to leave my house on Christmas day. We just chill in our pjs for most of the morning. I dont get this expectation that adult children have to visit various family members on Christmas Day. Theres plenty of other days around Christmas to do it.

HappyAsASandboy · 04/11/2021 18:14

We have stayed at home virtually every Christmas since we had kids. I refuse to traipse them around to other houses on Christmas Day as I want them to remember Christmas as a lovely indulgent family day, not a busing day.

I issue an open invite to my parents, in laws and my sister. Sometimes one set or the other comes but mostly they don't.

pussycatlickinglollyices · 04/11/2021 18:15

Do it.
The kids will get to chill and play with their toys, you can make it a new tradition.
See them on a different day for a couple of hours max

IamnotSethRogan · 04/11/2021 18:16

I offer people to pop in. We have the young kids and like you couldn't really host as our house isn't big enough but tell people they can pop round whenever and see the kids during the day

Disfordarkchocolate · 04/11/2021 18:18

Go for it, that sounds lovely.

FrenchBoule · 04/11/2021 18:19

Easy for them to say you are arseholes when it’s not them doing all the travelling?
YANBU

Stay at home and for once (and many years to come) have relaxed Christmas.

Thinkbiglittleone · 04/11/2021 18:22

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.

Last year was our first Christmas Day at home, it was amazing, we loved it. Sadly we are back on that Christmas Day treadmill this year, yet circumstance have it where I can't object this year, but next year hopefully we can do it back at home so our DS can appreciate his presents and it can be nice and relaxed.

If you can OP do it and let your kids appreciate their gifts and relax

Jabvribt · 04/11/2021 18:24

I’ve always been pleased that our families live far enough away that we don’t have to travel from house to house on Christmas Day. It’s not how I’d want to spend Christmas and there’s plenty of time around Christmas to still see everyone

gettingolderandgrumpy · 04/11/2021 18:25

Op I’ve seen this dozens of times on here people grumbling about spending Christmas/hosting etc with extended family . I don’t see why you just spend Christmas Day at home with your own family, if people don’t want to see multiple people you don’t have too . When my dc were young Christmas was all about them making it amazing plus all the relatives want to spend Christmas with the dc while they are young so you spend Christmas making everyone happy but the truth is I’m frazzled, exhausted and Christmas is just a blur . I realised a few years back that no I’m spending the day with my own household and anyone else on another day . Christmas is much more relaxed and enjoyable I recommend it . so no your not unreasonable, nobody is to want to spend Christmas how you want to .

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 04/11/2021 18:27

Op I could of written the op! We are in exactly the same situation. I loved last Christmas and want to spend Christmas Day with my 3 children and not drag them around seeing people. My mum is not impressed tbh.

Parky04 · 04/11/2021 18:29

We have spent every Christmas day at home since we got married 25 years ago! We have such a relaxing day, it is bliss.

NuffSaidSam · 04/11/2021 18:31

YADNBU.

Have the Christmas you and DP want.

Original poster

usernumberno46273 · 04/11/2021 18:38

@WaltzingBetty

Stay at home. Your extended families can't expect you to traipse around them all in one day and it sounds utterly joyless. Did you traipse to both sets of GP when you are a kid?

You have your own family unit now, enjoy it together

I only had one set of grandparents who lived a couple minute walk away so it was much easier plus I was so close to grandparents. Grandma is still alive and ill be seeing her at some point over the festive period. She spend Christmas with my mum and family!

I never knew my dad. My mother and stepdad was estranged from stepdads family... so it was a lot simpler at Christmas!

OP posts:

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