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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay at home all day on Christmas Day.

80 replies

usernumberno46273 · 04/11/2021 17:43

Aibu? It's me, Dp, Ds and Dd plus our little dog.

Before last year we would spend countless Christmas days travelling between dp's uk and stepdad and my mums/grandparents/other families then Ds would go to his dads in the evening. Never enough hours in the day. They all live fairly locally (8 miles away, 12 miles away, DS's dad a few miles away) but in different directions so far enough for it to be to totally exhausting on Christmas Day! I would be ready to go sleep by 7-8pm and wake on Boxing Day feeling like Christmas Day was totally poop and feeling deflated.

Dc would never have time to look at everything. We'd wake up, open gifts, rush to get ready and spend half the day travelling and in other people's houses. I hated it, I just wanted to be home, watching tv, cooking our dinner.

Our house is not big enough to host. All of our siblings live at home so it would be parents, grandparents, siblings, any potential partners or siblings, also I have an annoying uncle who's part of the package deal with my family. I couldn't do it here.

It's not too bad at the in laws. I actually don't mind being there at Christmas, they are pretty chilled but my family is another issue. They are so loud, drink too much (not just at Christmas), end up arguing, everyone talking over each other and I'd just get overwhelmed. I can't go to the in laws and not my mums on Christmas Day, it would cause a right stir!

Last year was a perfect excuse to stay home. I absolutely loved it. Aibu to just say f**k it and stay home and visit them around the festive period instead?! Days leading up to it, Boxing Day?

Dp is very much on board, if anything more so than me!

Obviously Ds can still go to his dads, that's never an issue but we used to rush to get him there at a decent time after visiting family!

But our families seem to think we are utter assholes for wanting to be at home. Nobody is lonely, they will still see the kids at some point. Mil has a husband and her kids at home, my mum has a husband, my grandma, her younger kids and her siblings.

My two are the only young kids in the family so are often guilt tripped into visiting.

Dp is getting a few days of this Christmas and I just want to enjoy it with the stress of driving everywhere on Christmas Day!

OP posts:
paisley256 · 04/11/2021 21:50

When the kids were in little we did the up and down the country drives at Christmas and it was exhausting.

We stay at home every year now and we all love it. A very special time all cosy with twinkling lights and treats, lush.

Hunderland · 04/11/2021 22:37

We had this for years when the kids were little too plus both mine and DH's parents are divorced so we had four different sets to visit - it was a nightmare!

It changes when the kids get older thank fuck Wink

mawkthestork · 04/11/2021 22:47

Literally could have wrote this post myself!
We've always done it visiting both families on Christmas Day then home for dinner but last year was sooo stressful We've said we're just not doing it this year. DD is 2 now, she's not going to want to leave all her exciting new toys and go visiting. It wasn't taken well by either side but we've agreed we'll visit my in-laws on Christmas Eve then my family on Boxing Day so we can have Christmas Day at home and if this year goes smoothly then we'll stick to that. I'm fed up pleasing everyone else so stuff it.

beautifulview · 04/11/2021 22:55

YANBU. We do this every year. I sit on the sofa in my PJs. Don’t even clean my teeth. Slob it. Stuff chocolate in my face. Fart when I want. Flick endlessly through the channels. Flick flick flick. Eat food at whatever time I want. Kids open presents when they want. It’s brill. This year I might not even brush my hair

Peach01 · 04/11/2021 22:56

Stay at home. We stayed at home last year and it was bliss. You miss your own family Christmas when you spend all day going to everyone's houses.
Can you visit family on Christmas Eve?

mogsrus · 05/11/2021 07:49

Strange isn't it,that when we were all locked down 2020 over Christmas,people were saying how nice it was to have a day all to themselves & now the ridiculous tantrums start again, crazy,crazy

Fundays12 · 05/11/2021 07:55

Yep stay at home, close the curtain even if you have to tell your family isolating until negative Covid tests. Yes it’s a lie but if it avoids the drama, arguments and fall out and means you get peace say it. You shouldn’t need to justify why you don’t want to run between multiple peoples houses on Christmas Day.

Etonmessisyum · 05/11/2021 07:56

I’ve never gone anywhere on Christmas Day if I’m not at work - I’m a nurse so work Christmas at times so the times I’m off we are at home together enjoying the day. If people are moaning because you won’t visit they are selfish if they want to see the kids they can come to you. Christmas is also mot just one day, it’s a season I’ve celebrated on Boxing Day or 27th depending on my shifts people are too hung up on that one day!!

End of the day the in lAws making you feel bad want you to come to save them coming to you, it’s not fun for your kids to be dragged round to visit for the benefit of other people when they want to spend it at home with their toys in the warm and comfortable. I’ve not spent Christmas with my mum/sister for years. She goes to my sisters that’s fine they can do that if that’s what they want. I’m happy at home or if I’m at work we have a lovely day and make it as special as we can for the families we have on the ward.

Loubiemoo · 05/11/2021 07:56

YANBU

Either they come to visit you or they wait until Boxing Day. Let your DC enjoy their presents.

mogsrus · 05/11/2021 08:09

We spent last Christmas in may, great fun. Just 4 of us

Whereismumhiding3 · 05/11/2021 08:10

Hi ju have every right to have quiet Christmas at home with your little family, and to spend Xmas day how you want to

So just go for it & say No thanks for your kind offer we are having family Christmas at hone. We can see you another day

If you get called an a-hole simply reply that they are the a-holes as they never leave their home and make effort to pop by to you on Xmas day for a quick visit & you've done more than your fair share of travelling around on Xmas day

They can't make you !

8dpwoah · 05/11/2021 08:15

I fully hope/expect to be at home for every Christmas day. We have four sets of grandparents so can't accommodate them all in the day even on a rolling cycle so we are getting into habits where we see them all at various points for a before and after Christmas- but from lunchtime on Christmas Eve to lunchtime on Boxing Day is just the four of us. That odd week between Christmas and New Year is incredibly busy for us but that's kind of what it's for I think. We then have new year at home too. Works for us rather than trying to cram everyone in over a day or two and risk disappointing people, we've just made new routines and traditions.

CarlaH · 05/11/2021 08:30

Don't take the covid test route. That won't work for future years. Grab the bull by the horns and just say you will be spending your Christmases at home from now on.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 05/11/2021 09:14

The year before last DH was working days and I was on nights. I opted out of the massive family lunch and dd and I stayed home on our own. We ordered noodles and rice from the Chinese the night before and sat with it on the floor playing with DD's schleich horses.
It was so chilled, best Christmas ever

TeeTotaller1 · 05/11/2021 09:25

Never ever be afraid to actually say 'sorry this year we've decided to stay at home for Christmas'
I did it most of the years when my DC's were small.
I used to get 'well I suppose you're staying at home this year aren't you?' in the end which pre emptied it for me !
You do what's best for you, nevermind pressure from others, let them have their little hissy fits, they'll get over it and there's 364 other days of the year for them to see you.

I hate all the expectation over the festive period, people get very entitled and don't think about others feelings re travel/kids/expense/time

Start as you mean to go on, don't be swayed and fgs dont feel guilty x

middleager · 05/11/2021 09:32

Just do it. I wouldn't even explain. It's wonderfully liberating.

WouldBeGood · 05/11/2021 09:35

YADNBU. It’s only fair on your DCs to let them relax and enjoy Christmas at home. Visit on other days.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/11/2021 09:38

I hated it, I just wanted to be home, watching tv, cooking our dinner.

I honestly don't understand why you feel the need to rush around between houses and dinners and other people's customs, rather than putting yourselves and your DCs first.

Just stay home! If they want to see you, they can come and see you.

Not to mention COVID risks etc. Hmm... could one of you have a potential positive result a day before?

BeastOfBODMAS · 05/11/2021 09:53

YANBU - I also have issues with family that likes to drink to excess, we are expecting 1st DC before Xmas (and 1st GC on my side so much excitement). We will be staying at home and inviting family to join us for brunch so that they can have all the baby cuddles but leave at a decent time to get their own dinners in the oven (and can start drinking afterwards!)
Hopefully it will be pleasant and we can make a tradition of it.

BeastOfBODMAS · 05/11/2021 09:58

Should say our house is tiny but it is more feasible to host for coffee and croissants than a sit down meal! (And people take up less space sober)

Auntycorruption · 05/11/2021 10:02

We have made new rules this year - Xmas day on our own and no travelling for hours to stay with extended family where we're not actually wanted, it's all just for show. Go for it, it's your life and your children's childhood memories are important.

Singleorigincoffee · 05/11/2021 10:02

Sounds like bliss! We always alternate.

We spent one christmas just the two of us in spain, my fave holiday yet! But I hate having to cook so I don't mind popping to my mums after 4pm on Christmas day. Just my mum's though lol

neverbeenskiing · 05/11/2021 10:40

We have the same problem, OP. I would be happy to host but DH's parents refuse to go anywhere on Christmas day, they think everyone should travel to them.
I'm fed up of Christmas being all about what everyone else wants, dragging overtired DC from house to house trying to keep everyone happy. So this year I've said we're staying put. If they want to come to us they'll be very welcome, if not that's up to them but they can't complain that they're not seeing their GC on Christmas day.

romany4 · 05/11/2021 10:56

Yanbu.

My dad always insisted that he had Christmas day in his own house, with his own family.
I have always done the same. My kids are now adults and flown the nest but while they were growing up, it was me, DH and them at home on Christmas day.
We'd see family or friends Christmas Eve or Boxing Day. Never Christmas day.
Now they have their own houses they have Christmas day in their houses with their partners and children.
It's a tradition that's followed on.

Lavender24 · 05/11/2021 11:11

Stay at home and suit yourself.

We won't be leaving the house except to walk the dogs.