To stay at home all day on Christmas Day.

[usernumberno46273]

Aibu? It's me, Dp, Ds and Dd plus our little dog.

Before last year we would spend countless Christmas days travelling between dp's uk and stepdad and my mums/grandparents/other families then Ds would go to his dads in the evening. Never enough hours in the day. They all live fairly locally (8 miles away, 12 miles away, DS's dad a few miles away) but in different directions so far enough for it to be to totally exhausting on Christmas Day! I would be ready to go sleep by 7-8pm and wake on Boxing Day feeling like Christmas Day was totally poop and feeling deflated.

Dc would never have time to look at everything. We'd wake up, open gifts, rush to get ready and spend half the day travelling and in other people's houses. I hated it, I just wanted to be home, watching tv, cooking our dinner.

Our house is not big enough to host. All of our siblings live at home so it would be parents, grandparents, siblings, any potential partners or siblings, also I have an annoying uncle who's part of the package deal with my family. I couldn't do it here.

It's not too bad at the in laws. I actually don't mind being there at Christmas, they are pretty chilled but my family is another issue. They are so loud, drink too much (not just at Christmas), end up arguing, everyone talking over each other and I'd just get overwhelmed. I can't go to the in laws and not my mums on Christmas Day, it would cause a right stir!

Last year was a perfect excuse to stay home. I absolutely loved it. Aibu to just say f**k it and stay home and visit them around the festive period instead?! Days leading up to it, Boxing Day?

Dp is very much on board, if anything more so than me!

Obviously Ds can still go to his dads, that's never an issue but we used to rush to get him there at a decent time after visiting family!

But our families seem to think we are utter assholes for wanting to be at home. Nobody is lonely, they will still see the kids at some point. Mil has a husband and her kids at home, my mum has a husband, my grandma, her younger kids and her siblings.

My two are the only young kids in the family so are often guilt tripped into visiting.

Dp is getting a few days of this Christmas and I just want to enjoy it with the stress of driving everywhere on Christmas Day!

I refuse to go anywhere at Christmas, I used to go to my parents when my sons were little, it was fraught. My brother and his wife and kids would be there so 4 kids running round and my dad just didnt have the patience for it.

When my son was about 3 he did something naughty (answered back or being defiant, normal kids stuff) and my dad absolutely roared at him, the poor little soul was trying to eat his Christmas dinner sobbing his heart out.

I said never again and had every Christmas at home since then, so around 20 years.

My parents moved to my town about 5 years ago and very much hinted that we go to their house for dinner. I have stood firm but feel guilty.

I like my Christmas at home, in my PJ's watching what i want on the TV.

I am enjoying it now as my parents are in their 70's and i only have 1 child at home and i feel that in the not too distant future i will be having to start sharing Christmas Days with them again.

But for now they have my brothers company for Christmas, my brother is an arsehole and i cannot stand him.

Never gone anywhere on Christmas Day. Just our family unit, at hone, in pyjamas. It’s lovely. Please

Not sure where that “please” came from!

You stay home

Offer them three options

Every third Christmas (one with your Ps, one with his Ps and one on your own at home) or

They can pop into your house for a festive beverage from 10am til 11am or from 3pm to 4pm each set of Ps takes one slot

Or you wont see anyone on the day and will visit at some point over the Christmas period

If they huff, just let them. Better them huffing than you and your DC not enjoying Christmas, and you can just ignore them while they are huffing because they dont live with you. If they call to huff on the phone with you just say “Im not entering into a conversation on this topic. We have made up our minds” and change the topic. This works for the flying monkeys as well.

Oh and just saying but when my DC came along I said we would not travel for Christmas, and then when family moved to our town I put my foot down in hosting them for Christmas morning as the DC were expected to share their new toys with their cousins and they hadnt even had a chance to get them out of the boxes.
We switched to inviting people for noon for lunch so every dc was able to open presents in their own home and then play with them a bit. My dc then put stuff they didnt want to share in my bedroom and after a family lunch all the dc played with toys they were happy to share. I still had to kick the family out at 7ish when I was just shattered and wanted to put my feet up and stop hosting, but some of DH family have never been good at taking a hint (or helping with the washing up for that matter). I have got quite blunt about it over the years, but it has saved me so much hassle, I can recommend a take no prisoners approach for a couple of years to train family and then the rest of your life improves 🤣