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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay at home all day on Christmas Day.

80 replies

usernumberno46273 · 04/11/2021 17:43

Aibu? It's me, Dp, Ds and Dd plus our little dog.

Before last year we would spend countless Christmas days travelling between dp's uk and stepdad and my mums/grandparents/other families then Ds would go to his dads in the evening. Never enough hours in the day. They all live fairly locally (8 miles away, 12 miles away, DS's dad a few miles away) but in different directions so far enough for it to be to totally exhausting on Christmas Day! I would be ready to go sleep by 7-8pm and wake on Boxing Day feeling like Christmas Day was totally poop and feeling deflated.

Dc would never have time to look at everything. We'd wake up, open gifts, rush to get ready and spend half the day travelling and in other people's houses. I hated it, I just wanted to be home, watching tv, cooking our dinner.

Our house is not big enough to host. All of our siblings live at home so it would be parents, grandparents, siblings, any potential partners or siblings, also I have an annoying uncle who's part of the package deal with my family. I couldn't do it here.

It's not too bad at the in laws. I actually don't mind being there at Christmas, they are pretty chilled but my family is another issue. They are so loud, drink too much (not just at Christmas), end up arguing, everyone talking over each other and I'd just get overwhelmed. I can't go to the in laws and not my mums on Christmas Day, it would cause a right stir!

Last year was a perfect excuse to stay home. I absolutely loved it. Aibu to just say f**k it and stay home and visit them around the festive period instead?! Days leading up to it, Boxing Day?

Dp is very much on board, if anything more so than me!

Obviously Ds can still go to his dads, that's never an issue but we used to rush to get him there at a decent time after visiting family!

But our families seem to think we are utter assholes for wanting to be at home. Nobody is lonely, they will still see the kids at some point. Mil has a husband and her kids at home, my mum has a husband, my grandma, her younger kids and her siblings.

My two are the only young kids in the family so are often guilt tripped into visiting.

Dp is getting a few days of this Christmas and I just want to enjoy it with the stress of driving everywhere on Christmas Day!

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 04/11/2021 18:44

@TinySaltLick

Multiple houses in one day sounds like a total ballache. Surely just rotate around and pick a different day per family group - it doesn't all have to happen on the 25th itself. I think you then end up with 2+ special Christmas days
This. I've never done multiple houses on different days, there's always a base and where it is rotates.
HarrisMcCoo · 04/11/2021 18:46

The holidays stretch for roughly two weeks. Why just see family on one day? We always spend Christmas Day to ourselves.

Moonface123 · 04/11/2021 18:48

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but my own home on Christmas day.
It's way too stressful having a house full of guests and exhausting too.
I did it for years when sons were much younger.
I meet with my family on Boxing Day and New Years, we take it in turns.

Howshouldibehave · 04/11/2021 18:49

But our families seem to think we are utter assholes for wanting to be at home

But they’re getting to be in their homes!

LittleDandelionClock · 04/11/2021 18:56

I don't understand this obsession that some people have with just HAVING to see all the extended family/adult children and grandchildren on Christmas day and Boxing Day - and why they make them traipse around from one end of the country to the other over the Christmas break.

It's stressful for most, and there are SO many people saying 'my mum won't be impressed' and 'MIL won't HEAR of it, us not going around. It's so hard knowing how to do it all,' and 'we HAVE to see nan on Christmas day, or she will cry.'

Why the desperation to have the whole extended family around, like some fucking Dickensian novel?

Why, why WHY are some people so so SO insistent that everyone sees them Christmas day? Is it some desperation to create the perfect 'picture postcard' festive movie Christmas? Because it's NOT, it's just causing people stress and hassle.

LittleDandelionClock · 04/11/2021 19:02

@HarrisMcCoo

The holidays stretch for roughly two weeks. Why just see family on one day? We always spend Christmas Day to ourselves.
Coz certain family members INSIST you see them Christmas day. Hmm

Do they have no idea how much stress they cause?!

jagoda · 04/11/2021 19:03

It's what I always do.

Youdoyoutoday · 04/11/2021 19:07

A pretend positive covid test is friend this year Grin

Original poster
usernumberno46273 · 04/11/2021 19:12

We have tried rotating but both my mum and mother in law seem to get offended. Neither of them are used to this kinda thing - sharing out Christmases. They both like to get their own way!

My own mum is estranged from stepdads family so my mum only had to see her parents, my grandparents. I've never known my dad. Dp doesn't see much of his dad as lives hundreds of miles away. Mil's husband has not got any family locally and doesn't see his own children much and mil's younger children's dads has passed away and no other family around.

My two are the only kids in the family too!

Plus we have our dog. She's fine for short times on her own bug don't want to leave her for hours whilst we traipse around the county! 😪

OP posts:
Original poster
usernumberno46273 · 04/11/2021 19:13

@Youdoyoutoday

A pretend positive covid test is friend this year Grin
Good idea...! I was thinking of saying I'm feeling unwell on Christmas Eve.. and the pretend pcr results don't come back negative until Boxing Day 😅😅
OP posts:
headinthecloudsnow · 04/11/2021 19:26

We always stay at home OP. We always did as a family when I was growing up as well. We save the family visits for before or after Christmas.

longtompot · 04/11/2021 19:43

Our Christmas Day has always been at home with immediate family, either my parents and siblings when I was younger, and then my dh and my kids now. Boxing Day was when we saw extended family. I wouldn't spend my Christmas Day travelling around.

MrsDThomas · 04/11/2021 19:47

Do it! If you don’t start now you never will.

Winterfellismyhome · 04/11/2021 19:53

@LittleDandelionClock

I don't understand this obsession that some people have with just HAVING to see all the extended family/adult children and grandchildren on Christmas day and Boxing Day - and why they make them traipse around from one end of the country to the other over the Christmas break.

It's stressful for most, and there are SO many people saying 'my mum won't be impressed' and 'MIL won't HEAR of it, us not going around. It's so hard knowing how to do it all,' and 'we HAVE to see nan on Christmas day, or she will cry.'

Why the desperation to have the whole extended family around, like some fucking Dickensian novel?

Why, why WHY are some people so so SO insistent that everyone sees them Christmas day? Is it some desperation to create the perfect 'picture postcard' festive movie Christmas? Because it's NOT, it's just causing people stress and hassle.

💯
TheDaydreamBelievers · 04/11/2021 19:53

Either do year about xmas day and boxing day, or if someone throws a hissy fit about you seeing the others on the 25th, do one on 24th and one on 26th

FetchezLaVache · 04/11/2021 19:56

Just be honest and say how much more you enjoyed Christmas last year as a family. You're not leaving anyone on their own, you will see them plenty over the season and your kids aren't Rent-A-Cutie-Pie to be cooed over by the rest of the family.

oiwiththepoodlesalready83 · 04/11/2021 20:02

“Just be honest and say how much more you enjoyed Christmas last year as a family. You're not leaving anyone on their own, you will see them plenty over the season and your kids aren't Rent-A-Cutie-Pie to be cooed over by the rest of the family”

This!!!

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 04/11/2021 20:07

YANBU ive refused to leave the house on christmas day since my eldest was born, people are welcome to visit but they arent invited for dinner and arent welcome before 10am, with the exception of my DM who is the manager of a care home and comes over around whatever shift she is working.

NoSquirrels · 04/11/2021 20:14

Honestly, I love a massive extended family Christmas and I really didn’t like last year but your version sounds awful and I think you should please yourself.

As you say - no one is alone, they all have company. The holidays are more than just Christmas Day. Go to one lot on Christmas Eve and the others on Boxing Day. Job done.

If any of them are that bothered they can drive to you for a mince pie and a cup of tea in the afternoon, or whatever.

They won’t!

lazyarse123 · 04/11/2021 20:19

we've been together 41 years and right from the beginning we spent christmas day alone. christmas eve we would go to inlaws and boxing day my parents.
my inlaws went to sil christmas day and when fil died we invited her to ours and she said no because she always went to sil. dh was a bit upset and sil was a bit narked because she said as much as śhe loved her mum she'd never had a christmas just with her ownfamily.

Qwaffee · 04/11/2021 20:23

This used to be us - expected to travel here there and everywhere until one year we said no and had our own family Christmas. It was bliss! Time to start your own traditions and put yourself first. Go for it, you won't regret it at all.

HarrisMcCoo · 04/11/2021 20:29

@Howshouldibehave

But our families seem to think we are utter assholes for wanting to be at home

But they’re getting to be in their homes!

Exactly 🤦🏻
Sn0tnose · 04/11/2021 20:53

But our families seem to think we are utter assholes for wanting to be at home

Why do they get to have a lovely relaxed Christmas but you don’t? They don’t care about how you and your family unit feel about rushing from place to place, so long as they get their own way. And they think it’s you who are the arseholes?!

I’d be inclined to tell them that everyone gets to have a lovely Christmas except you. And you tried rotating so that you could at least have a semblance of a day, but they were still too selfish. So now they can stick their turkeys wherever they like because you are sick of DC’s, DP’s and your Christmas being ruined year after year.

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/11/2021 21:40

*"But our families seem to think we are utter assholes for wanting to be at home. ... My two are the only young kids in the family so are often guilt tripped into visiting."^

If you want to be at home for Christmas, be at home. Your families can just lump it. I'd just tell them both that last year was a revelation and you all liked it so much that that's your new Christmas tradition and they can just swivel.

It's not up to them, it's up to you.

ponkydonkey · 04/11/2021 21:43

Since the day my son was born I always said that's it I'm now at home at Christmas he's 17 now, we've always stayed at home
It's lush 😀😀 stand your ground

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