My son is nearly 2. By this stage I thought I would’ve settled into life as a mum and have my shit together.
I thought I was going to be a picture perfect mum, gentle and calm. 
I’m so far from that that I don’t even like who I am.
I just generally feel like I haven’t got a clue what I’m doing.
My days feel stressful and rushed. Nothing seems calm and I feel like I’m just not enjoying my life right now.
I work 4 days a week 8-5 and I barely have time to do anything inbetween.
DS still doesn’t sleep through (never has) and I’m surviving on broken sleep. The most consecutive sleep I get is 3 hours, occasionally 4.
He’s very recently started to have horrendous tantrums and they just seem to trigger something awful in me.
I’m ashamed to type this out, but I’ve had days where I feel like don’t like him very much.
There’s days where all he wants is me and I just feel like I don’t want to be around him.
I can’t seem to get five minutes to myself as he’s always right behind me and has tantrums if I don’t attend to him or meet his demands immediately.
He isn’t like this with his Dad, only me.
There’s times where he’s screaming and crying for me and I’ve had to just walk away.
I’ve heard so many mums say it’s breaks their heart when their children cry, but recently when my son is screaming and crying, I could just walk out.
There’s been so many times when I could easily just scream back at him, I haven’t done this which is why I chose to walk away.
I’m starting to even question if I love my son, because surely a mother that loves her children does not feel like this towards them.
I’ve given it some thought and think it could be better for both of us if he was to live with his Dad and I leave.
I would of course still see my son, I’m not suggesting I never see him again.
I think a few times a week spending time with hun will be better than him having to live with me the way I feel.
I don’t want to damage my son but feel I am just not adjusting to be the mum I so badly thought i would be.