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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to do my 5 second chore if I’m asleep?

107 replies

Saitama · 02/11/2021 15:42

Long story short, we got some guinea pigs who live in the garden. When it gets dark they go into their shed to get locked up for the night, I have an alarm for sunset to go and just close the door of the shed.

I work full 12 hour nightshifts, so sleep crappily from 11am - 7pm (with a million disturbances due to outside noise etc but that’s a whole other thread…) So I wake up during my bedtime at 5pm to go and close the shed. It takes me ages to fall asleep again so is really inconvenient but I still do it because there’s no other choice.

DH has a day off work today and is home all day so I asked if he can set an alarm to go and close the shed so that I can stay asleep. Now he’s being arsey with me because they’re ‘my pets’ and when we got them I said I’d care for them, so he’s called me a liar. AIBU to have asked him to close the shed (takes less than 1 minute), so I could stay asleep?

OP posts:
Quiettiger · 02/11/2021 15:45

He's a nob and YANBU.

Singinghollybob · 02/11/2021 15:47

I agree entirely with @Quiettiger

PollyPeePants · 02/11/2021 15:48

Yanbu
He's being a prick

KnobblyWand · 02/11/2021 15:49

Do you do little things like this for each other normally? Like normal couples who love each other do?

This sort of pettiness is so unattractive, and being called a liar because you asked for a tiny favour would seriously piss me off.

Pumpkinsonparade · 02/11/2021 15:49

Get arsey about doing anything for him. Tell him you aren't his mother.

Twotinydictators · 02/11/2021 15:49

What sort of partnership is this?! You'd expect that sort of crap off of colleagues or whatever, not the person you share your life with. YADNBU.

ByeBumpHiBaby · 02/11/2021 15:50

I'm going to say YANBU, as it's such a quick job and would make a big difference to your quality of sleep. I'd do it for DH no bother.

The only thing I would say is - are they your guinea pigs? Or are they for both of you?

I'm just wondering if they're your pets, that you've said you'd look after, but he's wondering if in time you'll start asking him to do more and more relating to animals he didn't want so he's trying to put a stop to it now.

RachelHasThoseInBurgundy · 02/11/2021 15:50

Please tell me you don’t have children with him and aren’t planning any?

MistyFrequencies · 02/11/2021 15:51

Jesus. What a prick.

Sparkletastic · 02/11/2021 15:52

He's a selfish arse.

MollysDolly · 02/11/2021 15:52

He has to shut a shed door, on his day off. Not because you're lazy, but because it will mean you will go out to a night shift without proper sleep.

And he's had a go at you.

PrincessNutNuts · 02/11/2021 15:53

He's a piece of shit. Get a new DH.

grapestar · 02/11/2021 15:55

Actually can't believe I've read that and you are questioning if yabu???
No, he is an arsehole and you deserve a million times better. Get rid of him.

girlmom21 · 02/11/2021 15:57

Does he think you're making it up that you do it every day?

Original poster
Saitama · 02/11/2021 15:57

@ByeBumpHiBaby

I'm going to say YANBU, as it's such a quick job and would make a big difference to your quality of sleep. I'd do it for DH no bother.

The only thing I would say is - are they your guinea pigs? Or are they for both of you?

I'm just wondering if they're your pets, that you've said you'd look after, but he's wondering if in time you'll start asking him to do more and more relating to animals he didn't want so he's trying to put a stop to it now.

I think you’re spot on with the last bit, they are my Guinea pigs and he’s worried that more chores will fall to him. But I’m asking for such a small thing from him and for good reason, he has said he will do it today but I’m really pissed off by him calling me a liar
OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 02/11/2021 15:59

On the basis of your story yanbu. But have you tended to ask him to feed them? clean their shed? And generally do odd bits here and there for them even though in the grand scheme of things they aren't 'big' asks? I ask because in that instance you'd be unreasonable. All else being equal don't have kids with him, unless you already have.

grapestar · 02/11/2021 16:00

He's worried that more chores will fall to him?? What is this? 2 housemates or 2 people that are supposed to be in a loving relationship that help each other out???

ThePoisonousMushroom · 02/11/2021 16:00

Just out of interest would it matter if you didn’t shut the shed until 7pm?
YANBU though. People often do things to help each other out, it’s just part of being a partnership.

tickledtiger · 02/11/2021 16:00

That is such a tiny chore to ask for.

tickledtiger · 02/11/2021 16:01

Also I’m guessing if you shut it too late you risk foxes?

HikingforScenery · 02/11/2021 16:03

I mean if at the time of getting the Guinea pigs he was against you getting them because he didn’t want to look after them and you were adamant that he’d ‘never ever have to do anything at all with them ever’, then I see where he’s coming from.
Just tell him it’s truly a one off.
Why can’t you just shut them in when you wake up at 7?

HikingforScenery · 02/11/2021 16:03

@grapestar

He's worried that more chores will fall to him?? What is this? 2 housemates or 2 people that are supposed to be in a loving relationship that help each other out???
Chores around the Guinea pigs, I think. Not chores for the general home
Midlifemusings · 02/11/2021 16:04

Maybe a side note but why does the shed door need to be locked right at 5:00. Would would happen if you didn't go lock the door until 7:00 when you get up?

I think this is a sign of a bigger conversation needed. Getting grumbly over such a minor request that isn't even an inconvenience isn't reasonably unless there is a history or a reason why he isn't wanting to do this. For example if you have had pets in the past and all the responsibility eventually ended up on him and he didn't want more pets because of this but you fought for these guinea pigs with the understanding that he would not need to be responsible for them and he sees this as a pattern . Or is this is indicative of a past problem where you tend to take on responsibility and then pass it off to others, then I can see why he grumbled. Or if you have a really strict division of responsibility and you have refused to do his chores when he is otherwise occupied etc.

Motnight · 02/11/2021 16:05

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN

(And yes I have meant to shout this)

Theyellowflamingo · 02/11/2021 16:09

It’s 3:42, you’re awake, could you not just shut them in now an hour early?

But in general I am not a pet or animal person and I would want nothing to do with keeping pets - but even I could probably step outside for a couple of seconds to literally shut a shed door. I mean as favours go it’s not exactly big is it? I’d do a “one minute to shut a door” favour for a total stranger much less my spouse.