To expect DH to do my 5 second chore if I’m asleep?

[Saitama]

Long story short, we got some guinea pigs who live in the garden. When it gets dark they go into their shed to get locked up for the night, I have an alarm for sunset to go and just close the door of the shed.

I work full 12 hour nightshifts, so sleep crappily from 11am - 7pm (with a million disturbances due to outside noise etc but that’s a whole other thread…) So I wake up during my bedtime at 5pm to go and close the shed. It takes me ages to fall asleep again so is really inconvenient but I still do it because there’s no other choice.

DH has a day off work today and is home all day so I asked if he can set an alarm to go and close the shed so that I can stay asleep. Now he’s being arsey with me because they’re ‘my pets’ and when we got them I said I’d care for them, so he’s called me a liar. AIBU to have asked him to close the shed (takes less than 1 minute), so I could stay asleep?

I can't believe this is even a thing. I'm not convinced I'd even need to ask my husband to do this because he just would if he knew it needed doing and I was asleep.

I am fairly confident that if I set an alarm and woke myself early to go and shut the shed door whilst he was awake and in the house he'd look at me like I'd grown a second head and ask why I didn't just ask him to do it.

On the surface he seems like he’s being a dick BUT is he generally pissed off about having the pigs? It seems an utterly ridiculous commitment considering your sleeping arrangement.

I slept a few hours after my post so sorry for the delay. They need locking up at 5pm because then it’s dark and there’s a risk of foxes getting them if they’re left in their run in the garden. So are locked in the shed until morning for their safety. The time they need the door closing will change as the time of sunset changes throughout the year.

I’ve looked at the automatic doors but am worried that it accidentally locks one of them out, if I do it manually then I know they’re safe. DH voluntarily does a lot of chores around the house etc without complaint, so I still don’t know why closing the door was such a big deal to him. He was on board with getting the Guinea pigs but it was more for me and he isn’t really interested in them. He knows I have crap quality of sleep, well he says he understands but now I don’t think he does or surely he would’ve just agreed to close the door so I could sleep!

You need to straight out ask him what the issue was and start talking. Are you having much of a relationship if your working hours are the opposite to each other? This could be a reaction to how he is feeling over other matters.

@ThePoisonousMushroom

He might think that it won’t just be this once it will become a regular thing

He’s usually at work, so unlikely it would be a regular thing. It’s just one day, as a favour to the OP, to help her get a decent amount of sleep after a night shift.
Glad my DH isn’t like some people on here, he’d always help me out if he could.

Sometimes this forum is so surreal. The resistance to someone asking the smallest possible favour of their own partner is bizarre. The fact he didn’t want pets is irrelevant, she’s not asking him to take responsibility for them, she asked for him to close a door. Jesus.

Ah quoted the wrong post, sorry mushroom

Haha that’s ok @libertyfarmboots and I completely agree with you. My DH and I do things for each other because we care about each other. It’s a small favour. I’m glad I don’t have the sort of relationship that some people on here seem to.

They're your pets, sort them out yourself.

And yes I realise I'm projecting, because I've just had to clean up sick for a cat that I neither wanted, or like.

But if you took on the responsibility for pets when he didn't want them, then they're your problem.

If he's not pulling his weight around the house in general or not loving in other ways, then maybe you have an issue, but taking care of the animals is your problem, not his.

@Waahingwashingwashing

So when he has a day off he has to do the chores for pets he didn’t want?

It's closing a door. Is DH putting me out if he asks me get something out of the chest freezer for him on my day off, I mean I have to walk out to the garage? It takes seconds and I can do while I'm waiting for the kettle to boil for yet another cup of tea.

I'm finding this incomprehensible. How many people in a long term relationship/marriage never do each other small favours to make the others life a tiny bit easier? Isn't that just part of being in a relationship with someone you care about?

It's eye opening isn't it?

If my dh was doing night shifts to support us, I'd be doing every thing I possibly could to make his life easier. Because I love him, and night shifts are brutal.

I would not be doing it if I’d said no to being involved with the pets in the first place.

No means no in my book and it’s easier to just stop it from the get go then get involved in helping, feel resentful and have a row about it after.

*than

On my last day off DH asked me to take his suit to the dry cleaners for him as he needs it for a smart evening event.
How very dare he. It’s his choice to go out, not mine.

@Saitama

I slept a few hours after my post so sorry for the delay. They need locking up at 5pm because then it’s dark and there’s a risk of foxes getting them if they’re left in their run in the garden. So are locked in the shed until morning for their safety. The time they need the door closing will change as the time of sunset changes throughout the year.

I’ve looked at the automatic doors but am worried that it accidentally locks one of them out, if I do it manually then I know they’re safe. DH voluntarily does a lot of chores around the house etc without complaint, so I still don’t know why closing the door was such a big deal to him. He was on board with getting the Guinea pigs but it was more for me and he isn’t really interested in them. He knows I have crap quality of sleep, well he says he understands but now I don’t think he does or surely he would’ve just agreed to close the door so I could sleep!

Have you needed to find one of them before locking?

Maybe he's afraid of them. Some people are scared of rodents.
Just a thought.

He might think that it won’t just be this once it will become a regular thing

It's a tiny quick job that's important because it keeps the guinea pigs safe from being eaten by foxes. And he's moaning about it to make a point. What a horrible person.

@MistyGreenAndBlue

Maybe he's afraid of them. Some people are scared of rodents. Just a thought.

He’d probably have mentioned that before now.

OP characterised it as 'just shutting a door' but actually that's the best case scenario - more likely it means you have to go and herd the one loose guinea pig that's still outside into the shed, then while you're doing that, another one escapes out behind you and you have to do it again.

Plus it changes your plan for the afternoon because even though it's a tiny chore, you have to be home to do it at a specific time. And what if he is nice and cozy in his slippers and doesn't particularly fancy putting on coat and shoes to go outside to do this chore?

And this is a regular thing because of OP's sleeping pattern, sure it's a one-off now, but what happens when it starts become a regular thing because she is asleep and he is available to do it?

And this is a regular thing because of OP's sleeping pattern, sure it's a one-off now, but what happens when it starts become a regular thing because she is asleep and he is available to do it?

He’s usually at work at that time, so it wouldn’t become a regular thing.

I do favours for my husband. He does favours for me. We do these things because it’s part of being in a loving, respectful partnership. Works for us.
Some people begrudge doing things for the people they care about. I guess that works for them.

That's so depressing OP. Why isn't he volunteering to do it so that you can rest. That's what partners do.

He sounds like a total prick.

@ThePoisonousMushroom

And this is a regular thing because of OP's sleeping pattern, sure it's a one-off now, but what happens when it starts become a regular thing because she is asleep and he is available to do it?

He’s usually at work at that time, so it wouldn’t become a regular thing.

I do favours for my husband. He does favours for me. We do these things because it’s part of being in a loving, respectful partnership. Works for us.
Some people begrudge doing things for the people they care about. I guess that works for them.

Well the OP herself said he’s normally on the ball - so him moaning about this ONE chore in particular seems like something else

I do favours. Not expectations.

@Waahingwashingwashing

I do favours. Not expectations.

Yeah… I guess the difference here is that my DH would have offered to do it so that I could get more sleep, rather than me having to ask. And vice versa.

If he felt it was genuinely a one-time favour, I expect he would have done it without complaint. The reason he got arsey is because he sees this as the start of mission creep which ends with him doing pet chores, even though she promised otherwise.