To expect DH to do my 5 second chore if I’m asleep?

[Saitama]

Long story short, we got some guinea pigs who live in the garden. When it gets dark they go into their shed to get locked up for the night, I have an alarm for sunset to go and just close the door of the shed.

I work full 12 hour nightshifts, so sleep crappily from 11am - 7pm (with a million disturbances due to outside noise etc but that’s a whole other thread…) So I wake up during my bedtime at 5pm to go and close the shed. It takes me ages to fall asleep again so is really inconvenient but I still do it because there’s no other choice.

DH has a day off work today and is home all day so I asked if he can set an alarm to go and close the shed so that I can stay asleep. Now he’s being arsey with me because they’re ‘my pets’ and when we got them I said I’d care for them, so he’s called me a liar. AIBU to have asked him to close the shed (takes less than 1 minute), so I could stay asleep?

If you leave the shed door open, the guinea pigs will put themselves to bed. I used to keep some, and they did bring themselves indoors. Likewise chickens.

He's a dickhead.

What Motnight said.
Google 'nice guy' and see if there are any other red flags. Nice guys treat relationships as transactions, and get nasty when they think they are being asked to give more than they get.

www.boredpanda.com/women-share-nice-guys-experiences/

He's a dick about it, yes. Could the pigs get a little electric door on the shed (like ones on chicken runs) to keep them safe?

Did you say when you got them you’d do all the care for them and they’d be your pets? I don’t like pets and would have no interest in being involved in the chores they entail, hence not having any, so I wouldn’t particularly welcome being asked to do a chore for someone else’s on my day off. I get that it’s a small task but it would irritate me.

Forewarned is fair warned. Do not have children with this man. What a fucking jerk.

YANBU @Saitama Your DH is behaving like a nob.

And may I suggest a white noise machine. They are amazing. Will cut out 95% of noise outside your bedroom. (Should give you a better sleep!)

www.bing.com/search?q=white+noise+machine+amazon&cvid=129ae67b2140476c922b1e554e740480&aqs=edge.4.0j69i57j0l7.11786j0j1&pglt=43&FORM=GEOTRI&PC=ASTS&isRef=1&showTw=1&isAutoP=1

Also wondering why they cant be closed at 7pm when you are up?
If this was reversed pp's would be telling you not to do it for DP because it's his pets and was agreed beforehand that he'd do all the work
It shouldn't be any different for you

However, if there is a good enough reason they need to be closed at 5pm exactly then I'd say DP should do it so you get a full sleep and yanbu. But it shouldn't be because you want it done at that specific time

For someone's first reaction to mentally review your statements then call you a liar because you have gone against a previous statement and decide that you actively lied at the time is indicative of his way of thinking that might be more fundamental than just relating to closing a pet's door. I don't want to over-dramatise but it might be helpful to really think before having children with him or buying a house together or other significant commitments. If you do, don't make any rash or ill-judged statements potentially limiting what he would be 'required' to do that any normal person wouldn't hold against you.

Would he literally just have to pop outside & close/lock a door?

That's just closing a door isn't it??

Maybe he also needs to check that they are in & check water/food?

Hardly onerous & I would have thought a simple task to do for someone you care for as a one off.

On thé surface - YANBU. But was he against getting pets? Has he messed up any pet related stuff in the past?

Did you say when you got them you’d do all the care for them and they’d be your pets?

That's what I was thinking. If so YABU.

You're not brother and sister, you share a home and both have equal responsibility for the tasks in the home. If someone forgets or doesn't have time or just can't face it today then the other should have their back, that's just normal.

@MiddleParking

Did you say when you got them you’d do all the care for them and they’d be your pets? I don’t like pets and would have no interest in being involved in the chores they entail, hence not having any, so I wouldn’t particularly welcome being asked to do a chore for someone else’s on my day off. I get that it’s a small task but it would irritate me.

I think he's being a dick.

But I also kind of agree with the above. And further, I have seen threads on MN before where the husband wants to get a pet and the wife doesn't, and she's told unequivocally she should never do any care for the pet if he gets it. So by that logic, if he didn't want the guinea pigs, he shouldn't have to do anything for them.

@Motnight

DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN

(And yes I have meant to shout this)

TOO LATE!

See her name.

@MiddleParking

Did you say when you got them you’d do all the care for them and they’d be your pets? I don’t like pets and would have no interest in being involved in the chores they entail, hence not having any, so I wouldn’t particularly welcome being asked to do a chore for someone else’s on my day off. I get that it’s a small task but it would irritate me.

I agree with this. I’d be really irritated if my DH added additional chores into our house by getting pets, life is busy enough, and I’d therefore be really reluctant to do any of the looking after them. I think YABU to buy guinea pigs in the first place.

Reading your original post, all I could think was, "That's not at all unreasonable - what a prick!" 🤷‍♀️

YANBU

I would be questioning my relationship if my DH did something like that. Helping one another is what you do in a relationship especially if it is something that takes few minutes. A one-off is no reason to call someone a liar.

I can see his point of view.

I’d have just shut them in at 4 when you were awake.

I would be cross if I hadn’t wanted pets and then was being railroaded into doing chores to do with them. When I say no I mean it 🤷🏼‍♀️

But as a one off is probably have done it - but I’d be pissed off about it.

What a twat.

so I wouldn’t particularly welcome being asked to do a chore for someone else’s on my day off. I get that it’s a small task but it would irritate me.

But don't people do this? Small favours? I'll go pick up DHs prescription on my day off, he'll pick up a parcel for me on his day off, both far more inconvenient than popping out to shut a door in the garden. No irritation, we help each other out because we care about each other and it makes both our lives easier.

What happens if OP became ill, was in hospital. Would her DH leave the guinea pigs to starve because she said she'd do everything?

So when he has a day off he has to do the chores for pets he didn’t want?

If my partner was ill or in hospital I’d do them. But I wouldn’t when it’s normal day to day life - if I’d said nope, don’t want them and won’t do them.

(I have pets, they’re my responsibility I don’t have a partner. If I’m sick or in hospital I’d have to get them boarded)

You can buy automatically opening doors for chicken coops that close at night and open in the morning. I'm sure you could find something that would work and save you having to get up..

Your DH is however a selfish nob. They don't change. You can do better you know? Partners generally want to help the person they love.