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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to do my 5 second chore if I’m asleep?

107 replies

Saitama · 02/11/2021 15:42

Long story short, we got some guinea pigs who live in the garden. When it gets dark they go into their shed to get locked up for the night, I have an alarm for sunset to go and just close the door of the shed.

I work full 12 hour nightshifts, so sleep crappily from 11am - 7pm (with a million disturbances due to outside noise etc but that’s a whole other thread…) So I wake up during my bedtime at 5pm to go and close the shed. It takes me ages to fall asleep again so is really inconvenient but I still do it because there’s no other choice.

DH has a day off work today and is home all day so I asked if he can set an alarm to go and close the shed so that I can stay asleep. Now he’s being arsey with me because they’re ‘my pets’ and when we got them I said I’d care for them, so he’s called me a liar. AIBU to have asked him to close the shed (takes less than 1 minute), so I could stay asleep?

OP posts:
Vanishun · 02/11/2021 19:17

He is 100% an arsehole. It's closing a door, not doing a million chores on a day off.

This is very basic empathy and loving your partner stuff.

Do NOT have children with him.

phoenixrosehere · 02/11/2021 19:21

But as a one off is probably have done it - but I’d be pissed off about it.

For something that takes less time than a ready-meal. Wow. Doesn’t take much to upset you huh.

Waahingwashingwashing · 02/11/2021 19:28

I was married to a man who made promises he didn’t keep. Promised he would deal with pets and didn’t. Promised he would pick the kids up from the minder 2x a week and didn’t.

I ended up run ragged doing things I’d never agreed to in the first place.

I’ll never ever do that again.

labazslovesliving · 02/11/2021 19:40

Christ on a bike you are not asking him to clean them out just shut a door my God I would shut a door on him!

Vanishun · 02/11/2021 19:45

@Waahingwashingwashing

I was married to a man who made promises he didn’t keep. Promised he would deal with pets and didn’t. Promised he would pick the kids up from the minder 2x a week and didn’t.

I ended up run ragged doing things I’d never agreed to in the first place.

I’ll never ever do that again.

And this is relevant to the OP asking her DH to shut a door, how?
Waahingwashingwashing · 02/11/2021 19:47

Because it’s a slippery slope - or could be from his point of view. Every day he’s off and the op is working he’s now to go and shut a door? Is that going to be the normal? What will it be then? Could he clean them out and go for food for them and let them out and bring them in.

I would just say a straight no, and stick to it.

livelyredjellybean · 02/11/2021 19:54

My lovely husband chased my idiot horse around the field so said idiot horse could get his back done so I can ride him safely. He also stuck his hand in his pocket and paid for it. My wonderful husband did this because he loves me and knows how much I enjoy my idiot animal. I also feed, exercise, clean and water his pets for at least half the week, sometimes all week if he’s busy at work.
We do this because we’re a team and we love each other. Your DH is an arse!

ThePoisonousMushroom · 02/11/2021 20:01

@Waahingwashingwashing

I was married to a man who made promises he didn’t keep. Promised he would deal with pets and didn’t. Promised he would pick the kids up from the minder 2x a week and didn’t.

I ended up run ragged doing things I’d never agreed to in the first place.

I’ll never ever do that again.

She asked him to shut a door. Night shifts are shit. I can’t believe someone’s partner would gladly see their wife interrupt their post night shift sleep for the sake of shutting a door.
AuntMargo · 02/11/2021 20:02

Selfish twat !! Thats what he is

Tomatobear · 02/11/2021 20:20

This is something mine would say and he's a total arsehole most of the time at times so YANBU. It makes for a sad dynamic in the relationship when one partner is like this.

libertyfarmboots · 02/11/2021 20:23

I don’t think all the ifs and buts matter, you asked him for the tiniest bit of help possible, to close a door. YANBU in any way.

StolenAwayOn55thand3rd · 02/11/2021 20:30

This is so sad. I literally wake my DH up in the middle of the night to go and check on my cat (youngest DC often ends up sleeping on top of me or Id go myself!) when said cat is howling in the garden and he does it every single time. YANB at all U.

NumberTheory · 02/11/2021 20:34

He's being a bit of a nob. But if he really didn't want the guinea pigs and you pushed him into it with a promise he wouldn't have to do anything with them, I suspect he sees this as the thin end of the wedge and I have a little sympathy for him.

billy1966 · 02/11/2021 20:37

Posts like yours are just so depressing to read OP.

You deserve better.

As @Attilla would ask, what did you learn about relationships growing up that you are with such a completely selfish waster?

Needsleep32 · 02/11/2021 20:46

Agree with @HikingforScenery, if that was the case when you got them.

SparklyDino · 02/11/2021 20:48

I'm not understanding the hate for your DP. No one on here knows the backstory. Was your DP anti-pets and you said he wouldn't have to do anything,

My kids have nagged and nagged for a pet. Not a chance. But if I did, I know exactly how that would end. And if they asked me to do something for the pet on my day off, no matter how small. I'd not be happy. That's how it starts.

Very weird thread!!

SophieHatterPendragon · 02/11/2021 20:59

Clearly unpopular opinion but if he is anti pets and don’t want them then I can understand why he’s be annoyed about having to do it. He might think that it won’t just be this once it will become a regular thing.

When I was at uni one of my housemates got a hamster. I wasn’t bothered about it but the guy we lived with made it 1000% clear he didn’t want a hamster so wouldn’t be doing anything to look after it. I think that’s fair enough because he didn’t want it and housemate 1 did!

RachelGreep87 · 02/11/2021 21:06

YABU for buying guinea pigs

ThePoisonousMushroom · 02/11/2021 21:08

He might think that it won’t just be this once it will become a regular thing

He’s usually at work, so unlikely it would be a regular thing. It’s just one day, as a favour to the OP, to help her get a decent amount of sleep after a night shift.
Glad my DH isn’t like some people on here, he’d always help me out if he could.

NumberTheory · 02/11/2021 21:48

@ThePoisonousMushroom

He might think that it won’t just be this once it will become a regular thing

He’s usually at work, so unlikely it would be a regular thing. It’s just one day, as a favour to the OP, to help her get a decent amount of sleep after a night shift.
Glad my DH isn’t like some people on here, he’d always help me out if he could.

On the other hand, it's her regular habit to have her sleep disturbed at 5 pm for her guinea pigs. Despite what this does to her health and the impact it probably has on how she interacts with everyone else. Apparently her being disturbed is fine and she won't put anything permanent in place to make this unnecessary, but, if her DH is around she shouldn't have to do it and he should have his day disturbed.

I'd be a bit resentful if my DH put his health at more risk for some guinea pigs. I wouldn't refuse to shut the door at 5 but then, neither has OP's DH. He's moaned about it and pointed out OP does, in fact, hope he will help out despite what she said to him when she got them. The fact is getting pets you have to get up for when you should be sleeping is not a sensible thing to do and the people you live with will pay for that one way or another.

VeganCheesePlease · 02/11/2021 21:50

I can sort of see both sides here.
My DH and I have dogs that are both ours, both very much loved by both of us even though one of them has been around since two years before we got together. Putting them out to bed sounds like a really simple task but it's actually not- I have to round them up, let them out for a pee before bed, bring them out to their shed, make sure they have cosy bedding, get them fresh water, give them a cuddle (OK probably don't really need to do this bit always do), so if these weren't my dogs and I had to do this, I can understand getting annoyed.
However, if it's genuinely just popping them into the shed and no more and it really is a one off, then yeah really he should have just done it.
But to echo PP, I do agree that if they are pets he never wanted, he can't be expected to keep up with their care and needs.

Itsnotallaboutyoubaby · 02/11/2021 21:50

He sounds like a man child

Longdistance · 02/11/2021 22:02

Your p sounds like a complete knob.

WhatAShilohPitt · 02/11/2021 22:14

It is impossible for me to say how entirely REASONABLE you are being. How selfish is he?!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 02/11/2021 22:32

Me and my husband would do this for each other no bother. Its closing a door, not cleaning up cat poo or taking a dog a 5 mile hike. It takes longer to argue about it than actually do it!
I dont have to agree with everything my partner does to want to help him and he feels the same. Eg he thinks it's a bit late in the day to do batch cooking, he will still help me portion the stuff into freezer bags so we can both get to bed earlier. He puts the heating on even though I'm not bothered about it, I'll still pop downstairs and turn it off if he is in bed and I'm not. Minor things.

Calling you a liar is a bit harsh. It's taking what you said very literally. Next time he says 'can you wait for me, I'll only be a minute' or similar you can shout at him about the major inconvenience he has caused you, how dare he ask you to wait for 2 minutes, he promised he would only be one minute and he lied about it etc and he might see how ridiculous he is being